Re: How do I make the changes?

[Guest guest]

--- pamjams2@... wrote in PART:

I have come to accept the fact that no MATTER

> WHAT I do to get

> the weight off of me, I am still going to be the same

> " me " inside, and I will

> still be fighting the same demons that I fight now.

> Everything that everyone

> has written lately about this subject has been REALLY

> hitting home for me.

> It's making me truly realize that somehow, someway, I

> have to learn to change

> the way I think and feel about myself, and that losing

> weight is not

> necessarily going to do that. Granted, it WILL make me

> feel better in that

> my physical health will improve, and that will greatly

> affect my mood. ....

> However, I will STILL have all these issues with food,

> and I'm wondering how

> I am going to handle them. I've heard so many of you say

> that you have to

> find NEW ways to deal with problems instead of " stuffing

> them down, " or

> " hiding in the food. " I COMPLETELY agree with this.

> But what I want to

> know is HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

{Nan standing up, getting into the lecturn

and warming up to her topic)

Hello Sweet Pam! Hang in there girl! First, think about

finding another therapist if this one isn't helping-- talk

to said therapist about your concerns about failure to

improve with current treatment, etc, but don't let the

process of discussing the treatment stop you from getting

better help if that is what you need-- there are therapists

with experience with weight issues-- ask your surgeon's

office for referals,if they have them.

Second find an in person group-- therapy or support, OA or

Adult children, or whatever-- but watch out for " party

line " groups that only recogognize " one true way " to deal

with food and weight issues. Third, find what ever it is

that helps you stand feeling feelings-- some folks like to

write it out and keep a journal. Me, I like to do creative

arty things(too verbal most of the time, need to get out of

my right brain), some people like to exercise or dance. The

only rule is it can't be food related (making bread doesn't

count). Then practise feeling feelings. Watch movies that

make you cry. ( anything with orphan kids does it for me--

Shirley Temple movies, Annie, sad movies where nice people

die---) anything to turn on the tears. The trick to make

this a helpful exercise is to keep your attention balenced

between what you are feeling and the outside world---

otherwise you get stuck in the feeling and sink into it--

what you want to do is let the feelings flow out and

dissapate, not shut you down. Now, not every one believes

in this kind of " catharsis " as a helpful tool, but anyone

who ever felt better after a good cry or a good shouting

match or a good belly laugh will tell you that it can help.

That is one of the reasons this list is so darn helpful--

we get to laugh and cry by turns while our attention is on

our on-line brothers and sisters who have the same problems

and issues as we do. Sorry if I am pontificating, but I

gotta tell you that without learning how to feel, and

getting used to naming the feelings and letting them rip

sometimes (in safe for me and others places), I would be is

such deep trouble....

God gave us emotions for a reason. Supressing them leads to

trouble, expressing them leads to healing. Expressing them

appropriately can be tricky-- that is what therapy

groups,and therapists are for. Society may not like fat

folks, but it sure doesn't like angry women or tearful men.

Liberate the feelings in the fat. it takes a while to learn

how, but you gotta start somewhere!

Here is a cyber huggggg ( squish) now what are you feeling?

Terror for the surgeon's knife? Fear of loosing the

physical body you are familiar with? (my poor doomed navel)

Rage at the world ( or someone in particular) who treats

you badly and makes you sit in chairs that are too small?

Fear of changing your entire life? Risk? Chance? Hang name

tags on those feelings! If you can name it, you can learn

to deal with it!

Nan (who really needs to get out of the lecturn now..)

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[Guest guest]

Pam,

I know you read the posts and you were saying that would be the same

you inside and you were worried, but from what I've read from a lot

of ppl, while they are still basically still the same person, just

healthier, there are also different aspects to the personality that

they 'discover' and are brought to the forefront as they begin to see

themselves as normal and start to gain not only self-confidence, but

also more self-respect. Given that you are making a choice for

yourself and your helf you are exhibiting a strength of character and

sense of conviction that may start to have positive affects in other

areas in your life. As for the way you interact with food and the

issues relating to that, you also said therapy did not or has not

been working for you and you didn't really feel helped enough by

online OA to stay with it. What you might want to research (check

the AMOS site) and see if there's a local weight loss surgery support

group (I don't mean just a weight loss group, as you don't want to

deal with people who may think 'wls is cheating' or are just not in a

similar situation.) They may not have a specific BPD/DS group, but I

can guarantee that even though a weight loss surgery group maybe

mainly RNY, a lot of ppl were obese for the same reasons you may

have..abuse (mental, emotional, sexual), depression, boredom,

substitute,safety, comfort, etc..and they would be able to deal with

that aspect. Plus you would get the positive benefit of hopefully

meeting people like yourself who are going through the same situation

and dealing with the same emotions and can relate to you and your

support you. We'll always be here of course, but it never hurts to

have more friendly, supportive people around you and hey, you can

actually hang out with them in person!! *grins*

Good luck and stay positive and you can always talk to us,

*LOL* As Motel 6 says in their commercials I believe, " We'll leave

the light on for you "

Anita

Pre-pre-op in Denver

[Guest guest]

> > Hang name

> > tags on those feelings! If you can name it, you can

> > learn

> > to deal with it!

> > Nan (who really needs to get out of the lecturn

> > now..)

>

>

> Nan,

> I know this post was for Pam but I want to say thanks,

> too. Please keep the lecturn close by. I for one,

> need a kick in the pants once in awhile!

>

> whosofftowatchBambifollowedbyThelma&Louise

>

> =====

>

> Age 41

> BMI 61

> Consult 6/7/01

> Dr. Herron

>

Hi ! Glad you got something from it! I have to keep

reminding myself to do this emotional work-- it is so easy

to just get on with dealing with life and stuffing the

feelings -- Plus I have so much trouble behaving myself

when I am feeling difficult stuff-- I have a lot of ambient

anger and anxiety which no one needs to have dumped on

them, even the idiots don't deserve it! So not only do I

get to work on keeping the feeling up, I also get to work

on CONTROL which is different from stuffing. I will give

THelma and Louise a try so I can live the anger

vicariously-- nan

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