Re: Feeling kind of low..........

[Guest guest]

Pam,

First off her is a ((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))). Please do not beat

yourself up. Do you realize that you are strong and special? Look at

the steps you are taking to change your life. No,WLS will not be a

cure all. It is a tool. Once you start losing the weight your self

esteem will also change. Look at your inner spirit. You are good,

valuable,and loved. In the end that is all that really matters. Make

a choice to be happy. Smile at people even when you do not feel like

it. Say nice things to people just because. Call a friend to just

chat. Listen to upbeat music. While this is not an instant cure these

things can help. I have been there. Smiles and laughter can be

infectious. Same with saying nice things. Connect with people who

uplift you.

Your surgery will come. Seems like forever but then one day you wake

up and realize " OMG I am having surgery tomorrow " .

Hang in there kiddo. I care about you!!!!

Angels hover ever near.

DS 4/11/01

Deveney @ OHSU

Age 42, BMI 46

> Hi everybody,

>

> I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just couldn't get

motivated to

> do it. The fact is, I'm STILL not motivated, but I NEED to do

this, so here

> goes.

>

> I've been feeling unusally down lately. Today my letter is to be

submitted

> to my insurance company for approval. I should be excited,

nervous, mad with

> anticipation......etc. but I just feel like I don't really care.

I know

> that this is NOT true. I " m just having another typical " feel sorry

for ME "

> day, I suppose. Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old daughter to a

birthday

> party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was held outside.

I felt

> somewhat bummed as we arrived, and it only became worse as the

party

> progressed. Nothing happened at all. It's just that, as usual, I

was SO

> self-conscious about my weight, and as I watched my daughter

running and

> playing with reckless abandon, my heart ached. I wanted SO badly

to be up

> and running with her (even though none of the other adults were).

I wanted

> to feel confident enough that I could get up and participate in the

games if

> I WANTED to. I looked around me, and as usual, I was the BIGGEST

person

> there. What's worse is that I found myself waiting and wishing

that the

> birthday cake would be served!! That was my total focus: When is

the cake

> going to be served? How sad and pathetic. I just hate this. I

don't want

> to live like this. I DO want this surgery with all my heart, but

more than

> that, I just want all these feelings and behaviors to GO AWAY. I

am not

> stupid; I know that they will NOT go away with the surgery. I

realize that

> this will be something that I have to work at for the REST of my

life. I

> guess what I was looking for here was somebody to tell me that at

the very

> least, it gets alittle EASIER once you have the surgery.

>

> Well, thank you all for listening. Here ends the pity party.

Any

> thoughts you may have or any feedback will be welcomed. (except

verbal

> lashings!!!

>

> Pam