Re: Feeling kind of low..........

[Guest guest]

Hi everybody,

I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just couldn't get motivated to do it. The fact is, I'm STILL not motivated, but I NEED to do this, so here goes.

I've been feeling unusally down lately. Today my letter is to be submitted to my insurance company for approval. I should be excited, nervous, mad with anticipation......etc. but I just feel like I don't really care. I know that this is NOT true. I"m just having another typical "feel sorry for ME" day, I suppose. Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old daughter to a birthday party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was held outside. I felt somewhat bummed as we arrived, and it only became worse as the party progressed. Nothing happened at all. It's just that, as usual, I was SO self-conscious about my weight, and as I watched my daughter running and playing with reckless abandon, my heart ached. I wanted SO badly to be up and running with her (even though none of the other adults were). I wanted to feel confident enough that I could get up and participate in the games if I WANTED to. I looked around me, and as usual, I was the BIGGEST person there. What's worse is that I found myself waiting and wishing that the birthday cake would be served!! That was my total focus: When is the cake going to be served? How sad and pathetic. I just hate this. I don't want to live like this. I DO want this surgery with all my heart, but more than that, I just want all these feelings and behaviors to GO AWAY. I am not stupid; I know that they will NOT go away with the surgery. I realize that this will be something that I have to work at for the REST of my life. I guess what I was looking for here was somebody to tell me that at the very least, it gets alittle EASIER once you have the surgery.

Well, thank you all for listening. Here ends the pity party. Any thoughts you may have or any feedback will be welcomed. (except verbal lashings!!!

Pam

[Guest guest]

Hi everybody,

I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just couldn't get motivated to do it. The fact is, I'm STILL not motivated, but I NEED to do this, so here goes.

I've been feeling unusally down lately. Today my letter is to be submitted to my insurance company for approval. I should be excited, nervous, mad with anticipation......etc. but I just feel like I don't really care. I know that this is NOT true. I"m just having another typical "feel sorry for ME" day, I suppose. Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old daughter to a birthday party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was held outside. I felt somewhat bummed as we arrived, and it only became worse as the party progressed. Nothing happened at all. It's just that, as usual, I was SO self-conscious about my weight, and as I watched my daughter running and playing with reckless abandon, my heart ached. I wanted SO badly to be up and running with her (even though none of the other adults were). I wanted to feel confident enough that I could get up and participate in the games if I WANTED to. I looked around me, and as usual, I was the BIGGEST person there. What's worse is that I found myself waiting and wishing that the birthday cake would be served!! That was my total focus: When is the cake going to be served? How sad and pathetic. I just hate this. I don't want to live like this. I DO want this surgery with all my heart, but more than that, I just want all these feelings and behaviors to GO AWAY. I am not stupid; I know that they will NOT go away with the surgery. I realize that this will be something that I have to work at for the REST of my life. I guess what I was looking for here was somebody to tell me that at the very least, it gets alittle EASIER once you have the surgery.

Well, thank you all for listening. Here ends the pity party. Any thoughts you may have or any feedback will be welcomed. (except verbal lashings!!!

Pam

[Guest guest]

Hi everybody,

I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just couldn't get motivated to do it. The fact is, I'm STILL not motivated, but I NEED to do this, so here goes.

I've been feeling unusally down lately. Today my letter is to be submitted to my insurance company for approval. I should be excited, nervous, mad with anticipation......etc. but I just feel like I don't really care. I know that this is NOT true. I"m just having another typical "feel sorry for ME" day, I suppose. Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old daughter to a birthday party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was held outside. I felt somewhat bummed as we arrived, and it only became worse as the party progressed. Nothing happened at all. It's just that, as usual, I was SO self-conscious about my weight, and as I watched my daughter running and playing with reckless abandon, my heart ached. I wanted SO badly to be up and running with her (even though none of the other adults were). I wanted to feel confident enough that I could get up and participate in the games if I WANTED to. I looked around me, and as usual, I was the BIGGEST person there. What's worse is that I found myself waiting and wishing that the birthday cake would be served!! That was my total focus: When is the cake going to be served? How sad and pathetic. I just hate this. I don't want to live like this. I DO want this surgery with all my heart, but more than that, I just want all these feelings and behaviors to GO AWAY. I am not stupid; I know that they will NOT go away with the surgery. I realize that this will be something that I have to work at for the REST of my life. I guess what I was looking for here was somebody to tell me that at the very least, it gets alittle EASIER once you have the surgery.

Well, thank you all for listening. Here ends the pity party. Any thoughts you may have or any feedback will be welcomed. (except verbal lashings!!!

Pam

[Guest guest]

Pam,

I have felt the same way so many times,, matter of fact for most of

my life at almost every function I ever attended.. I am 5 weeks post op and

just starting to pull out of that feeling of hopelessness. I just kept

telling myself to hold on things would get better, now I have arrived and

they have. We are a loving and supportive group, if your tired lean on us for

a while. we'll help you reached out to them when I was really down, they were

there.

It takes an incredible amount of strength to get to and then thru

this surgery, but the day will come for you like it has for me today. There's

no turning back for me now, it's all downhill.

Renae

[Guest guest]

Dear Pam,

I can identify with how you feel. There are days I too

have a hard time feeling happy. I spent two days

crying when I hit a wall with my insurance co about

this surgery. I went from wanting the surgery to not

caring all in one day! As they say though, what a

difference a day makes. I kept telling myself that I

haven't come this close to be defeated and neither

have you! Just by knowing about this surgery, you have

more hope than ever before. Take it day by day and

focus on the postives of your life. Expect down days

and don't beat yourself up over having them. Seek help

if you feel that you can't pull out of this after a

reasonable period of time. But know that there are

people out there who care and you're not alone!

Hoping for a better day, Angel

--- pamjams2@... wrote:

> Hi everybody,

>

> I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just

> couldn't get motivated to

> do it. The fact is, I'm STILL not motivated, but I

> NEED to do this, so here

> goes.

>

> I've been feeling unusally down lately. Today my

> letter is to be submitted

> to my insurance company for approval. I should be

> excited, nervous, mad with

> anticipation......etc. but I just feel like I don't

> really care. I know

> that this is NOT true. I " m just having another

> typical " feel sorry for ME "

> day, I suppose. Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old

> daughter to a birthday

> party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was

> held outside. I felt

> somewhat bummed as we arrived, and it only became

> worse as the party

> progressed. Nothing happened at all. It's just

> that, as usual, I was SO

> self-conscious about my weight, and as I watched my

> daughter running and

> playing with reckless abandon, my heart ached. I

> wanted SO badly to be up

> and running with her (even though none of the other

> adults were). I wanted

> to feel confident enough that I could get up and

> participate in the games if

> I WANTED to. I looked around me, and as usual, I

> was the BIGGEST person

> there. What's worse is that I found myself waiting

> and wishing that the

> birthday cake would be served!! That was my total

> focus: When is the cake

> going to be served? How sad and pathetic. I just

> hate this. I don't want

> to live like this. I DO want this surgery with all

> my heart, but more than

> that, I just want all these feelings and behaviors

> to GO AWAY. I am not

> stupid; I know that they will NOT go away with the

> surgery. I realize that

> this will be something that I have to work at for

> the REST of my life. I

> guess what I was looking for here was somebody to

> tell me that at the very

> least, it gets alittle EASIER once you have the

> surgery.

>

> Well, thank you all for listening. Here ends the

> pity party. Any

> thoughts you may have or any feedback will be

> welcomed. (except verbal

> lashings!!!

>

> Pam

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dear Pam,

I can identify with how you feel. There are days I too

have a hard time feeling happy. I spent two days

crying when I hit a wall with my insurance co about

this surgery. I went from wanting the surgery to not

caring all in one day! As they say though, what a

difference a day makes. I kept telling myself that I

haven't come this close to be defeated and neither

have you! Just by knowing about this surgery, you have

more hope than ever before. Take it day by day and

focus on the postives of your life. Expect down days

and don't beat yourself up over having them. Seek help

if you feel that you can't pull out of this after a

reasonable period of time. But know that there are

people out there who care and you're not alone!

Hoping for a better day, Angel

--- pamjams2@... wrote:

> Hi everybody,

>

> I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just

> couldn't get motivated to

> do it. The fact is, I'm STILL not motivated, but I

> NEED to do this, so here

> goes.

>

> I've been feeling unusally down lately. Today my

> letter is to be submitted

> to my insurance company for approval. I should be

> excited, nervous, mad with

> anticipation......etc. but I just feel like I don't

> really care. I know

> that this is NOT true. I " m just having another

> typical " feel sorry for ME "

> day, I suppose. Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old

> daughter to a birthday

> party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was

> held outside. I felt

> somewhat bummed as we arrived, and it only became

> worse as the party

> progressed. Nothing happened at all. It's just

> that, as usual, I was SO

> self-conscious about my weight, and as I watched my

> daughter running and

> playing with reckless abandon, my heart ached. I

> wanted SO badly to be up

> and running with her (even though none of the other

> adults were). I wanted

> to feel confident enough that I could get up and

> participate in the games if

> I WANTED to. I looked around me, and as usual, I

> was the BIGGEST person

> there. What's worse is that I found myself waiting

> and wishing that the

> birthday cake would be served!! That was my total

> focus: When is the cake

> going to be served? How sad and pathetic. I just

> hate this. I don't want

> to live like this. I DO want this surgery with all

> my heart, but more than

> that, I just want all these feelings and behaviors

> to GO AWAY. I am not

> stupid; I know that they will NOT go away with the

> surgery. I realize that

> this will be something that I have to work at for

> the REST of my life. I

> guess what I was looking for here was somebody to

> tell me that at the very

> least, it gets alittle EASIER once you have the

> surgery.

>

> Well, thank you all for listening. Here ends the

> pity party. Any

> thoughts you may have or any feedback will be

> welcomed. (except verbal

> lashings!!!

>

> Pam

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Pam-

I'd have been wishing that, too.. but more so because serving the cake

signals a near end to the party. MAYBE?? Quit beating yourself, ok??

no one is perfect, honey..

Hugs & Hugs,

Liane

> Hi everybody,

>

> I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just couldn't get

motivated to

> do it.

> Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old daughter to a

birthday

> party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was held outside.

> What's worse is that I found myself waiting and wishing that

the

> birthday cake would be served!! That was my total focus: When is

the cake

> going to be served?

[Guest guest]

Pam-

I'd have been wishing that, too.. but more so because serving the cake

signals a near end to the party. MAYBE?? Quit beating yourself, ok??

no one is perfect, honey..

Hugs & Hugs,

Liane

> Hi everybody,

>

> I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just couldn't get

motivated to

> do it.

> Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old daughter to a

birthday

> party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was held outside.

> What's worse is that I found myself waiting and wishing that

the

> birthday cake would be served!! That was my total focus: When is

the cake

> going to be served?

[Guest guest]

Pam,

First off her is a ((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))). Please do not beat

yourself up. Do you realize that you are strong and special? Look at

the steps you are taking to change your life. No,WLS will not be a

cure all. It is a tool. Once you start losing the weight your self

esteem will also change. Look at your inner spirit. You are good,

valuable,and loved. In the end that is all that really matters. Make

a choice to be happy. Smile at people even when you do not feel like

it. Say nice things to people just because. Call a friend to just

chat. Listen to upbeat music. While this is not an instant cure these

things can help. I have been there. Smiles and laughter can be

infectious. Same with saying nice things. Connect with people who

uplift you.

Your surgery will come. Seems like forever but then one day you wake

up and realize " OMG I am having surgery tomorrow " .

Hang in there kiddo. I care about you!!!!

Angels hover ever near.

DS 4/11/01

Deveney @ OHSU

Age 42, BMI 46

> Hi everybody,

>

> I've been meaning to write to the group, but I just couldn't get

motivated to

> do it. The fact is, I'm STILL not motivated, but I NEED to do

this, so here

> goes.

>

> I've been feeling unusally down lately. Today my letter is to be

submitted

> to my insurance company for approval. I should be excited,

nervous, mad with

> anticipation......etc. but I just feel like I don't really care.

I know

> that this is NOT true. I " m just having another typical " feel sorry

for ME "

> day, I suppose. Yesterday, I took my 5 1/2 year old daughter to a

birthday

> party. The weather was gorgeous, and the party was held outside.

I felt

> somewhat bummed as we arrived, and it only became worse as the

party

> progressed. Nothing happened at all. It's just that, as usual, I

was SO

> self-conscious about my weight, and as I watched my daughter

running and

> playing with reckless abandon, my heart ached. I wanted SO badly

to be up

> and running with her (even though none of the other adults were).

I wanted

> to feel confident enough that I could get up and participate in the

games if

> I WANTED to. I looked around me, and as usual, I was the BIGGEST

person

> there. What's worse is that I found myself waiting and wishing

that the

> birthday cake would be served!! That was my total focus: When is

the cake

> going to be served? How sad and pathetic. I just hate this. I

don't want

> to live like this. I DO want this surgery with all my heart, but

more than

> that, I just want all these feelings and behaviors to GO AWAY. I

am not

> stupid; I know that they will NOT go away with the surgery. I

realize that

> this will be something that I have to work at for the REST of my

life. I

> guess what I was looking for here was somebody to tell me that at

the very

> least, it gets alittle EASIER once you have the surgery.

>

> Well, thank you all for listening. Here ends the pity party.

Any

> thoughts you may have or any feedback will be welcomed. (except

verbal

> lashings!!!

>

> Pam