Rosita...My Mom...

[Guest guest]

You are correct my friend. I did write a follow up regarding my lack

of patience with my best friend, my Mom.

I am improving.

I never saw it posted on the website. Matter of fact there has been

some inconsistencies with posting of late. I don't know what it is

but sometimes my message is not posted, sometimes it is posted

IMMEDIATELY and other times it takes days before it is posted.

Que pasa chica? Yo no se.

Anyway, why do we seem to hurt the ones that loves us the most. Like

our Moms.

Ronnie B

But I am determined and with all prayer to stop, think about my

reponse with patience and loving kindness before I open my mouth and

hurt my Mom. Yes it takes practice but it can be done.

Just because our Moms are can't spank us anymore does not give us a

right to be disrepectful. RIGHT?

[Guest guest]

Ron, I think there are gremlins in the Yahoo system. Your post about your mom came through to me, but you didn't see it & I couldn't find it in the archives. I go through the recent archives every few days because I miss so many messages. People will be talking about a topic and I never saw the original message. Most of the time I can find it in the archives, but not always. I've written Yahoo about this problem, but just got a bunch of gibberish instructions to try. It's easier to just go through the archives and hope I don't miss anything too important.

I struggle with treating my mom respectfully also. It's especially wrong because she definitely has increasing memory loss. The whole family has noticed it, but she gets downright belligerent at the suggestion. She probably just has mild cognitive impairment at this point, which might respond to medication, but she won't even considerf it. Anyway, I get anywhere from irritated to infuriated when she doesn't recall something I told her or she keeps retelling the same things, sometimes just a few minutes later. I think to myself, how does it harm me to listen again, or to say it again? But next time, I'm mean or sarcastic (same thing?) again. If the topic of depression comes up, in real life or on tv, she will say something like, "I've had blue moods once in awhile, but I've never been depressed. We just never had the luxury of being depressed." Like it's a choice! I just tell her, "Mom, I guess you got lucky." I get so tired of hearing her criticize everything--somebody's hair, the color of a house, a movie plot! Then I mentally pound myself in the head & say to myself, So What! She has a right to her opinion!

I have often mentioned the author Anne Lamott. I have read one chapter in her book "Traveling Mercies" over & over because it describes so truthfully how I feel. I'm going to quote a few passages from the chapter "Mom."

Anne is remembering a day at the beach, looking at a photo.

In the photo I am looking over at her with enormous gentleness, because I sometimes feel this. But I was only feeling this about half the time that day. The rest of the time I was annoyed. I was annoyed in general because she is not at all whom I would have picked at the Neiman-Marcus Mommy Salon. I would have chosen someone tall, elegant, and physical. I would have chosen someone with a ferocious belief in herself and God and me. I would have chosen someone who did not give a s--- what other people thought of her or her children.

I look at this photograph of us, and I see how deeply she loves me and always did, how much she has forgiven me for picking my dad over her, and her forgiveness hurts me beyond my ability to put it into words.

On the beach I hold her hand and feel that my heart could break with love for her. Ten minutes later I find myself growling at her when she's out of earshot. Sometimes, holding her soft warm hand, I want to take it and hurl it to the sand beneath the wheels of the oncoming lifeguard's jeep. But oh, God, the trust with which she keeps holding it out for me to take! Without someone to steady her, she cannot find her balance. Now when I look at the picture, my stomach aches. For just this moment I look like I am in love with her and she with me. For this one moment, we are. I am learning very slowly to savor the moments between us that work, that cut through my lifelong hunger for a more perfect mother.

I try to bring some humanity to the world in my lurching and imperfect way, like a candy striper with corns and PMS. And I do pretty well--until I have to spend time with Jesus in his distressing guise as my mother. I tell you, families are definitely the training ground for forgiveness. At some point you pardon the people in your family for being stuck together in all their weirdness, and when you can do that, you can learn to pardon anyone. Even yourself, eventually.

Well, I'm tuckered out. It's almost 3am here, so I'm going to hit the sack. Hasta luego, mi amigo y mi hermano.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Rosita...My Mom...Date: Wed, 10 May 2006 07:50:26 -0000You are correct my friend. I did write a follow up regarding my lack of patience with my best friend, my Mom.I am improving.I never saw it posted on the website. Matter of fact there has been some inconsistencies with posting of late. I don't know what it is but sometimes my message is not posted, sometimes it is posted IMMEDIATELY and other times it takes days before it is posted.Que pasa chica? Yo no se.Anyway, why do we seem to hurt the ones that loves us the most. Like our Moms.Ronnie BBut I am determined and with all prayer to stop, think about my reponse with patience and loving kindness before I open my mouth and hurt my Mom. Yes it takes practice but it can be done.Just because our Moms are can't spank us anymore does not give us a right to be disrepectful. RIGHT?~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database