Help me help my dad understand

[Guest guest]

I have been crying all morning and I need your help. I need to help

my dad understand why....why I am willing to " risk it all " with this

surgery. You must understand, I have a very close relationship with

my dad. I am a child of divorce (at 6)...a very ugly divorce. I am

the oldest. I was old enough to realize that as my dad left us after

his few hours of visitation every other Saturday, he had tears in his

eyes. His child support was always on time. I never remember a time

that he was late to pick us up or cancelled visitation. He is an

honorable man. He is one of the rare men who will admit it when he

finds out he messed up or was wrong. He is a tough guy but not

afraid to cry. Guess you can tell I love and respect him. I know

that he loves me and only wants what is best for me. This surgery

idea scares him. It doesn't help that we lost my step-mom (Mama in

my heart) in what was supposed a " simple lap gall bladder surgery "

almost 8 years ago. As a family, we have never spent very much time

in the doctor's office. I also know that he doesn't understand what

life is like for the obese. Help me help him understand. Please

email me a few facts about your life as an obese person and the

problems you have had from the surgery and the benefits you have

gained from the surgery. Most importantly, would you do it again

knowing what you know now? Thanks to all.

Hugs,

Jerry, pre-op, Dr. Booth, MS

[Guest guest]

Jerry,

I think is also important that you personalize it for him and explain

the things that you can't or couldn't do that you wanted to do..(ie,

remember when the family was doing x and I said I didn't want to do

it, it was because I can't do it or didn't want to embarass myself,

etc. Also let him know about your co-morbidities..I'm sure he

doesn't realize you probably have what most of us have which is

swollen ankles, constant back pain, shortness of breath doing simple

activities, etc..things that are diminishing the quality of your life

and preventing you from doing things you want to do. What he needs

to understand that this is your health and while you want him to

support you, you're not asking his approval, just his support. A lot

of family members have a hard time with that concept. I also think

you need to explain the increased risks you face just by being

morbidly obese, ie, heart attack, stroke, cancer, diabetes, etc.

While surgery is a risk, the BPD/DS has been around in this form for

over 10 years and has been a proven success. If you've researched

your doctor, you can also give statistics stating why you trust him

and while you feel he'd be able to deal with any complications should

they occur. I think once he's realize how this is affecting you and

the dangers you face just by being MO, he may be more supportive.

It's alright for him to be scared for you and worry about you having

surgery, but he needs to understand that he needs to trust in your

decision and the research you've done and be there for you when you

need him.

*hugs*

Anita

Pre-pre-op in Denver

> I have been crying all morning and I need your help. I need to

help

> my dad understand why....why I am willing to " risk it all " with

this

> surgery. You must understand, I have a very close relationship

with

> my dad. I am a child of divorce (at 6)...a very ugly divorce. I

am

> the oldest. I was old enough to realize that as my dad left us

after

> his few hours of visitation every other Saturday, he had tears in

his

> eyes. His child support was always on time. I never remember a

time

> that he was late to pick us up or cancelled visitation. He is an

> honorable man. He is one of the rare men who will admit it when he

> finds out he messed up or was wrong. He is a tough guy but not

> afraid to cry. Guess you can tell I love and respect him. I know

> that he loves me and only wants what is best for me. This surgery

> idea scares him. It doesn't help that we lost my step-mom (Mama in

> my heart) in what was supposed a " simple lap gall bladder surgery "

> almost 8 years ago. As a family, we have never spent very much

time

> in the doctor's office. I also know that he doesn't understand

what

> life is like for the obese. Help me help him understand. Please

> email me a few facts about your life as an obese person and the

> problems you have had from the surgery and the benefits you have

> gained from the surgery. Most importantly, would you do it again

> knowing what you know now? Thanks to all.

> Hugs,

> Jerry, pre-op, Dr. Booth, MS

[Guest guest]

Jerry- I had the surgery 12/1 00 and itr is the best thing I ever did. Tell

your dad what I told myself. I could no longer live this way with pain in my

knees, feet, back. My life was becoming more and more sedentary and if I

didn't help myself I felt I would have many illnesses that would have killed

me or made me suffer everyday. I am a very happy person and now I can enjoy

that happiness. I have lost 77 pounds and never once regretted this

decision. I will never have to diet again and I am much more limber and able

to do more. I would be more than happy to speak to your dad if you would

like. Regards(Ellen)Pam

[Guest guest]

Jerry,

What a wonderful thing to be so close to your dad. I

understand your desire to make it clear to him why you

want this surgery so badly. I was very afraid of

surgery until I began researching it. Hearing my

doctor say that he could just about promise me kidney

failure due to my diabetes along with many other

serious health problems, in the next 10 years, made me

think about what was the greater risk. Living with the

weight and KNOWING I was slowly killing myself, or

taking a chance at the hands of a very skilled

surgeon. I thought about all the people who are in

immediate life threatening situations who come into

the hospital er's and make it through emergency

surgeries, and decided that being in at least

reasonably good health right now made my chances of

getting through the surgery more successful. Then I

started looking into and talking to people who had all

ready had the surgery. That makes a big difference!

When you're face to face with someone and see there

before and after pictures and hear their stories, well

you can't help but be impressed. If you can get him to

a info meeting where post ops attend, it may help to

put his fears into perspective. Talk to him first

about how this weight makes you feel, both physically

and emotionally. Then when he has a " background " feel

for what its like for you and can compare it to the

post op stories and people he meets at the meeting, he

can better understand why this is so important to you.

Yes, the fear may still be there, but he will be able

to support your decision maybe. Just remember her

loves you dearly and once he can see whats really in

your best interest, he can share your desire for a

more healthy body and better quality of life through

this surgery. Good luck and I hope things work out for

you. Sincerely, Angel

>

>

> Jerry-

> print out the text from this link, or have him look

> it up..

> http://www.wlscenter.com/Significant_Others.htm

>

> Its a good page, written by a Sig. Other of someone

> wanting surgery.

> Hugs,

> Liane

>

>

>

----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Jerry:

Making someone understand what it's like to be morbidly obese is very difficult. There has been a discussion here about people falling and being unable to get up. I always thought that was a bit out of a TV commercial that amused me. Then I had the same thing happen to me. Unlike some others here I did get help immediately. But it was humiliating. Possibly the worst thing I had to undergo on a regular basis was being in a grocery store and hearing little kids whisper to their parents, "Look at the fat guy, Mom!". If it was a nice store Mom would say "It's not polite to talk about people, Junior." But if it wasn't she would nod and say that it is a shame some people wouldn't take care of themselves.

Make a list of things that you can't do at your current weight and share it with your father. For me that included walking with my children in National Parks and at Disneyworld. It included sitting in booths in restaurants. It included knowing when I had had enough to eat. It included any strenuous exercise because of my bad joints. Put on the list the co-morbidities. For me that was type II diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, congestive heart failure and many other less life threatening problems. Point out that Dr. Anthone at USC has said that it is virtually impossible for anyone who has attained a 40 BMI or higher to ever lose *and keep off* weight again. So while you may lose weight in the future through diet and exercise you will almost certainly not keep it off. So you are sentenced to living the rest of your life morbidly obese until one of the co-morbidities kills you - certainly much sooner than if you have the surgery.

Then point out to him that THERE IS A SOLUTION. It is surgery. It definitely carries a risk. But if this is indeed your last hope the risk is worth it.

I would point out that everything I have mentioned above is behind me. I no longer have any of the co-morbidities. I've lost nearly 100 pounds in a bit less than 6 months and have about 70 pounds left to go. Life is good. I am able to do things now that I never dreamed of being able to do again. I now feel better about myself than I ever have in all my adult life. And things will only get better.

You are welcome to show my letter to your Father. One of the things that meant the most to me was support from my family and good friends. I pray that you get that support from him.

Regards.

Joe Frost, old gentleman, not old fartSan , TX, 60 years oldSurgery 11/29/00 by Dr. Welker Lateral Gastrectomy with Duodenal Switch340 starting weight, currently 244http://www.duodenalswitch.com/Patients/Joe/joe.html

Help me help my dad understand

> I have been crying all morning and I need your help. I need to help > my dad understand why....why I am willing to "risk it all" with this > surgery. You must understand, I have a very close relationship with > my dad. I am a child of divorce (at 6)...a very ugly divorce. I am > the oldest. I was old enough to realize that as my dad left us after > his few hours of visitation every other Saturday, he had tears in his > eyes. His child support was always on time. I never remember a time > that he was late to pick us up or cancelled visitation. He is an > honorable man. He is one of the rare men who will admit it when he > finds out he messed up or was wrong. He is a tough guy but not > afraid to cry. Guess you can tell I love and respect him. I know > that he loves me and only wants what is best for me. This surgery > idea scares him. It doesn't help that we lost my step-mom (Mama in > my heart) in what was supposed a "simple lap gall bladder surgery" > almost 8 years ago. As a family, we have never spent very much time > in the doctor's office. I also know that he doesn't understand what > life is like for the obese. Help me help him understand. Please > email me a few facts about your life as an obese person and the > problems you have had from the surgery and the benefits you have > gained from the surgery. Most importantly, would you do it again > knowing what you know now? Thanks to all.> Hugs, > Jerry, pre-op, Dr. Booth, MS> > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------->

[Guest guest]

Joe, I have never read your story until now at the duodenal switch website. WOW! You have overcome alot. It really scared me though. Was your situation rare? What are the chances of that happening to someone else? Stefany

Help me help my dad understand

> I have been crying all morning and I need your help. I need to help > my dad understand why....why I am willing to "risk it all" with this > surgery. You must understand, I have a very close relationship with > my dad. I am a child of divorce (at 6)...a very ugly divorce. I am > the oldest. I was old enough to realize that as my dad left us after > his few hours of visitation every other Saturday, he had tears in his > eyes. His child support was always on time. I never remember a time > that he was late to pick us up or cancelled visitation. He is an > honorable man. He is one of the rare men who will admit it when he > finds out he messed up or was wrong. He is a tough guy but not > afraid to cry. Guess you can tell I love and respect him. I know > that he loves me and only wants what is best for me. This surgery > idea scares him. It doesn't help that we lost my step-mom (Mama in > my heart) in what was supposed a "simple lap gall bladder surgery" > almost 8 years ago. As a family, we have never spent very much time > in the doctor's office. I also know that he doesn't understand what > life is like for the obese. Help me help him understand. Please > email me a few facts about your life as an obese person and the > problems you have had from the surgery and the benefits you have > gained from the surgery. Most importantly, would you do it again > knowing what you know now? Thanks to all.> Hugs, > Jerry, pre-op, Dr. Booth, MS> > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------->