Re: Dt sexuear Robynn....

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much, Sue. I'm really glad that I'm serving as a source of hope for you. Although I have struggled off and on with my weight...for most of my life, at 5'6", I weighed between 140 and 190. Even at 190 I looked pretty good, because I have a lot of muscle. But, the scale creeped up (as it tends to do), and over the last 15 years I scooted up to obesity three times. The first time it happened, I was unhappily engaged for three years, and during that time I went from 160 to 226. Right before I started law school, at age 26, I went on Optifast, and lost 85 lbs...and gained it back immediately. While on Weight Watchers and working out like a fiend! A year later, while in law school, I managed to lose back down to 140. Vegetarianism, madly madly madly in love, and exercising a whole heck of a lot. Both times, and for the prior five years or so when I struggled with 40 lbs...I worked with a

therapist on food issues..did the 'Overcoming Compulsive Overeating" with Geneen Roth...and really worked on the emotional component.

Broken heart...unhappy break up...and over the next six or seven years, while involved with my husband in a happy, but lacking passion relationship, I gained all the way up to 260. This happened in part because I developed plantar fasciitis...and I couldn't exercise AT ALL for a year. In that year, I gained 70 lbs. up to the 260. Because of my years of crash dieting (because I was never happy with my body...even when I weighed 140 lbs.), my metabolism is extremely slow when I don't exercise.

So...then I fell in love with Olivier...and the lbs. just came off. I'm convinced that part of it must be hormonal...or that I substitute food when I don't feel the addiction to love feelings. That's something I'm exploring right now (thanks Tim, for the great movie that actually talks about all of the neurochemistry). I never got down very far, but I lost 55 lbs. through diet and exercise.

I really started feeling good about my body for the first time. It was ok that I wasn't skinny...it was ok that I wasn't long and willowy. Working with two trainers (one in weights and one in Pilates), I started appreciating what my body could do. What I could accomplish. Also, I think society changed a bit, and the healthier, curvier, more muscular bodies were coming into vogue. But really, I would look at my body and think, "It's beautiful." Now, of course, I wanted to lose more weight...but I felt good about me.

But in the blink of an eye...just six months, I gained 50 lbs back. Back up to 260. I had slowed down on my exercising...I was depressed because it felt like olivier and I were never going to "get there". That devastated me, because I just felt like I had made such "gains" emotionally and behaviourally the last go around, that I was certain I would never gain again. I wasn't crash dieting, I was being mindful. I was eating in moderation. I was focusing on my health. Oh, also, during the weight loss period I had been diagnosed with several metabolic conditions, and they put me on Glucophage...which seemed to help a lot. I discovered I had been working against hyperinsulinimia, which made it very very easy to gain, and nearly impossible to lose. The Glucophage was really helping.

So, I finally threw in the towel and realized that I needed another tool to help me get where I needed to get. I had looked into gastric bypass, but didn't qualify because of my weight. but, when I gained back up to 261...and in light of my two co-morbidities (sleep apnea and PCOS), they approved me. And here I am.

In many ways, I feel emotionally prepared for this. I mean, I've been thin several times. I've learned how to "live it" instead of "diet". I've done alot of the compulsive overeating work that I need to do. And now, I have to figure out how to lose weight and keep it off, even if I'm not in love. A real connection there, that's for sure. Passion and food. Interesting.

So...here I am, having had the surgery a week and two days ago...down 11 lbs. (16, if you count the five lbs. of water I gained in the hospital)...and trying to think about the ways in which I need to incorporate all I have learned (including some self-affirmation stuff that I'm learning)...and we'll go from there.

Also...part of my body acceptance has come from getting routine massages...Pilates (which focuses on mind/body awareness)...therapy (once a week)...and other things. This is a big deal. ANd I think all of that work is necessary...and here's the thing...feels great to do it.

So, i feel confident. I am going to keep working, even if the initial weight loss comes easily...because I know at some point, I'll be where is at right now...struggling with old demons, feeling like my body is betraying me, etc... and I know this will be a process.

I commend you for your bravery. You'll do great. We all will...partly because we're coming here and gaining strength and wisdom from those who have gone before, and encouragement and enthusiasm for those who are just beginning.

Thank you for your kind e-mail...and know that you have us rooting for you!

Robynnsue mendez wrote:

Good morning, so with school out of the way, I have a minute to congratulate you on your big step into the future. I am amazed at how well you and others do right after surgery, so ready to get home and enjoy life! The guy I work with has lost (hold onto your hearts!) 200 lbs plus in just one year! He is amazing and a real source of inspiration to me. (so is this group!!!!) While I was never molested, wasn't fat all my life, nor have lifelong eating problems from my childhood, I have huge weight problems now. When I scooted up the scale at first, I felt better than when I was thin, so a little more scooting should have made me feel even better right? It did....to a point... now my health is compromised in a big way. My dear husbands family is big, so the bigger I got, it seemed the more they liked me.... I see that now as my kids are

grown and do not have weight issues, thay tell me that they look so skinny, they need to eat....blah, blah, blah. They eat like little piggies, and are active enough to burn it off. Like I wrote before the boys love high school wrestling, and that is a work out! But I digress, I wanted to say that I am proud of you, You strength is giving me strength, and I thank you for that!

[Guest guest]

Robynn,

Posts like this reminds us here in our group that we are not alone

in our demons and someone has been there and gained the knowledge of

a better way of life. Arms around us all...

Jeanne

> Good morning, so with school out of the way, I have a minute to

> congratulate you on your big step into the future. I am amazed at

how

> well you and others do right after surgery, so ready to get home

and

> enjoy life! The guy I work with has lost (hold onto your hearts!)

200

> lbs plus in just one year! He is amazing and a real source of

> inspiration to me. (so is this group!!!!) While I was never

molested,

> wasn't fat all my life, nor have lifelong eating problems from my

> childhood, I have huge weight problems now. When I scooted up the

scale

> at first, I felt better than when I was thin, so a little more

scooting

> should have made me feel even better right? It did....to a

point... now

> my health is compromised in a big way. My dear husbands family is

big,

> so the bigger I got, it seemed the more they liked me.... I see

that

> now as my kids are grown and do not have weight issues, thay tell

me

> that they look so skinny, they need to eat....blah, blah, blah.

They

> eat like little piggies, and are active enough to burn it off.

Like I

> wrote before the boys love high school wrestling, and that is a

work

> out! But I digress, I wanted to say that I am proud of you, You

> strength is giving me strength, and I thank you for that!

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>