Re: Awareness Is Important

June 22, 2005

Thank you Sue. I shared it because all day long on

Monday, I cried. I had crying spells. I was out in

toys R Us and I cried. I found a corner because I did

not want my husband or anyone to notice. I think my

husband knew because we had talked about this. It

gets so hard for him because sometimes he just does

not know what to do but I am tired of feeling ashamed

because of bad choices and I want to feel like it is

alright to feel what I have felt and feel so I can get

over it so I can proceed forward. I don't want to

always think about my dad and feel sad about my

choices. I want to spend whatever time I have with

him laughing so that when he is gone or if I leave

that there will be that grieving period and I can move

on instead of not being able to move forward.

Thanks for your advice and listening.

Pam Marsh

--- Randy Mendez mendez6@...> wrote:

> Dear Pam,

> When you get a chance in life to feel the depth of

> your soul explode with emotion, it's strange. Thank

> you for sharing your story. Somewhere deep deep

> inside all of us there is a story ready to be told,

> a part of our life that needs to be lived. It is

> weird to know people who do not ever let that depth

> come to the surface. I work with people who, for

> example , have been adopted, or had a broken home.

> These people hide the pain or are in such denial

> that they are rude. One " princess " wears nothing but

> very expensive clothes (school teacher) and if it

> gets a smidge of a spot, she freaks out and says she

> will just throw it away and buy a new article of

> clothing, the latest thing was a 200.00

> jacket....she needs to grow up.(she also has like 1%

> body fat and works out for hours a day at the gym

> and is rude to anyone who is larger than a size 3)

> Your story reminds me that deep feelings need to be

> felt in order to have empathy and feel love, even

> love for ourself. Pam, you did a good

> thing, this may very easily change the way you look

> at things forever.

> Hugs!

> Sue

>

> Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote:

> I wanted to post something here about my mini

> vacation

> to North Carolina over the weekend. I will bring

> you

> up to speed so that my story does not get confusing,

> which is real easy for me to do.

>

> My parents divorced many years ago but because it

> was

> a bad marriage (mom got married at 15 and dad was

> 17)

> it lasted only 5 years. Those five years were very

> bad years including some domestic abuse on my

> father's

> side.

>

> For years my mother would talk bad about my father

> and

> would not allow us to see him...you know the drill.

> My father never paid child support and he had just

> moved on and got married. It was a situation where

> my

> dad left and the rent was not paid and electricity

> got

> shut off and we had no food. Well after years of

> hearing this over and over, I learned how to hate my

> dad and his new wife.

>

> As I became a little older, I began to desire seeing

> my dad but my mother would always get sad or seem

> upset so I declined to go see him. Well, the

> purpose

> for me going to North Carolina was to attend my

> fathers 56 birthday dinner party. Before I decided

> to

> go, I struggled and it even got to the point were I

> cried about it. I cried because I was so worried

> about hurting my mother's feelings and making her

> upset. Yes, after 30 some odd years, my mother

> would

> get upset. I prayed about it and decided that I had

> already lost one dad almost 2 years ago (step

> father)

> and that this is the only other dad I have. So I

> went

> and I am glad I did. You see, I had been hearing

> rumors that he is very very sick but it was sort of

> a

> hush hush thing. After I returned from burying my

> step father, I dreamed my father was sick and had

> died. I immediately called him and asked how he was

> doing and he assured me that he was fine. Now keep

> in

> mind that none of my family members on my father's

> side ever lived to see 60. Only two did but they

> passed away as early as 62 and 60. He has a heart

> murmur and high blood pressure, high cholesterol and

> I

> am not sure what else. When I saw him, he looked so

> sick. He is 56 and he walks hunched over and moves

> so

> slow. He has a ashy gray tone to his complexion and

> he looks like a person that has had a stroke. His

> eyes look sunk in his head...he just did not look

> right to me. He is so small. He wears a size

> medium

> shirt (he has lost so much weight). I felt so bad

> when I left because I allowed someone else to

> influence a major decision and now because I never

> spent time with my dad, I can't get that time back.

> Because I live in California and he lives in North

> Carolina, the issue with time is still not in my

> favor

> because I can't afford to keep going home and

> neither

> can he come here that often. I made sure I danced

> with him and that I told him I loved him and I told

> him that I was sorry that I allowed so much time to

> pass without spending time with him because the

> stuff

> that happened had nothing to do with me. I guess

> the

> message that I am trying to send here is that

> although

> someone might have done something that hurt you and

> impacted your life, we have to learn to forgive and

> move on. I was blessed to see him, to hold his

> hand,

> to dance with him and to apologize for my foolish

> decisions. Now, my dad and I start afresh. I only

> pray that there is time for us to get to know one

> another. Be good to people and love one another.

> Life is just too short. Some things just don't

> matter

> sometimes. Thanks for listening.

>

> Pam Marsh

> > >

> > > __________________________________

> > > Do you Yahoo!?

> > > Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty

> > viruses.

> > > http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > >

June 22, 2005

Thank you Sue. I shared it because all day long on

Monday, I cried. I had crying spells. I was out in

toys R Us and I cried. I found a corner because I did

not want my husband or anyone to notice. I think my

husband knew because we had talked about this. It

gets so hard for him because sometimes he just does

not know what to do but I am tired of feeling ashamed

because of bad choices and I want to feel like it is

alright to feel what I have felt and feel so I can get

over it so I can proceed forward. I don't want to

always think about my dad and feel sad about my

choices. I want to spend whatever time I have with

him laughing so that when he is gone or if I leave

that there will be that grieving period and I can move

on instead of not being able to move forward.

Thanks for your advice and listening.

Pam Marsh

--- Randy Mendez mendez6@...> wrote:

> Dear Pam,

> When you get a chance in life to feel the depth of

> your soul explode with emotion, it's strange. Thank

> you for sharing your story. Somewhere deep deep

> inside all of us there is a story ready to be told,

> a part of our life that needs to be lived. It is

> weird to know people who do not ever let that depth

> come to the surface. I work with people who, for

> example , have been adopted, or had a broken home.

> These people hide the pain or are in such denial

> that they are rude. One " princess " wears nothing but

> very expensive clothes (school teacher) and if it

> gets a smidge of a spot, she freaks out and says she

> will just throw it away and buy a new article of

> clothing, the latest thing was a 200.00

> jacket....she needs to grow up.(she also has like 1%

> body fat and works out for hours a day at the gym

> and is rude to anyone who is larger than a size 3)

> Your story reminds me that deep feelings need to be

> felt in order to have empathy and feel love, even

> love for ourself. Pam, you did a good

> thing, this may very easily change the way you look

> at things forever.

> Hugs!

> Sue

>

> Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote:

> I wanted to post something here about my mini

> vacation

> to North Carolina over the weekend. I will bring

> you

> up to speed so that my story does not get confusing,

> which is real easy for me to do.

>

> My parents divorced many years ago but because it

> was

> a bad marriage (mom got married at 15 and dad was

> 17)

> it lasted only 5 years. Those five years were very

> bad years including some domestic abuse on my

> father's

> side.

>

> For years my mother would talk bad about my father

> and

> would not allow us to see him...you know the drill.

> My father never paid child support and he had just

> moved on and got married. It was a situation where

> my

> dad left and the rent was not paid and electricity

> got

> shut off and we had no food. Well after years of

> hearing this over and over, I learned how to hate my

> dad and his new wife.

>

> As I became a little older, I began to desire seeing

> my dad but my mother would always get sad or seem

> upset so I declined to go see him. Well, the

> purpose

> for me going to North Carolina was to attend my

> fathers 56 birthday dinner party. Before I decided

> to

> go, I struggled and it even got to the point were I

> cried about it. I cried because I was so worried

> about hurting my mother's feelings and making her

> upset. Yes, after 30 some odd years, my mother

> would

> get upset. I prayed about it and decided that I had

> already lost one dad almost 2 years ago (step

> father)

> and that this is the only other dad I have. So I

> went

> and I am glad I did. You see, I had been hearing

> rumors that he is very very sick but it was sort of

> a

> hush hush thing. After I returned from burying my

> step father, I dreamed my father was sick and had

> died. I immediately called him and asked how he was

> doing and he assured me that he was fine. Now keep

> in

> mind that none of my family members on my father's

> side ever lived to see 60. Only two did but they

> passed away as early as 62 and 60. He has a heart

> murmur and high blood pressure, high cholesterol and

> I

> am not sure what else. When I saw him, he looked so

> sick. He is 56 and he walks hunched over and moves

> so

> slow. He has a ashy gray tone to his complexion and

> he looks like a person that has had a stroke. His

> eyes look sunk in his head...he just did not look

> right to me. He is so small. He wears a size

> medium

> shirt (he has lost so much weight). I felt so bad

> when I left because I allowed someone else to

> influence a major decision and now because I never

> spent time with my dad, I can't get that time back.

> Because I live in California and he lives in North

> Carolina, the issue with time is still not in my

> favor

> because I can't afford to keep going home and

> neither

> can he come here that often. I made sure I danced

> with him and that I told him I loved him and I told

> him that I was sorry that I allowed so much time to

> pass without spending time with him because the

> stuff

> that happened had nothing to do with me. I guess

> the

> message that I am trying to send here is that

> although

> someone might have done something that hurt you and

> impacted your life, we have to learn to forgive and

> move on. I was blessed to see him, to hold his

> hand,

> to dance with him and to apologize for my foolish

> decisions. Now, my dad and I start afresh. I only

> pray that there is time for us to get to know one

> another. Be good to people and love one another.

> Life is just too short. Some things just don't

> matter

> sometimes. Thanks for listening.

>

> Pam Marsh

> > >

> > > __________________________________

> > > Do you Yahoo!?

> > > Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty

> > viruses.

> > > http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > >

June 22, 2005

Thank you Sue. I shared it because all day long on

Monday, I cried. I had crying spells. I was out in

toys R Us and I cried. I found a corner because I did

not want my husband or anyone to notice. I think my

husband knew because we had talked about this. It

gets so hard for him because sometimes he just does

not know what to do but I am tired of feeling ashamed

because of bad choices and I want to feel like it is

alright to feel what I have felt and feel so I can get

over it so I can proceed forward. I don't want to

always think about my dad and feel sad about my

choices. I want to spend whatever time I have with

him laughing so that when he is gone or if I leave

that there will be that grieving period and I can move

on instead of not being able to move forward.

Thanks for your advice and listening.

Pam Marsh

--- Randy Mendez mendez6@...> wrote:

> Dear Pam,

> When you get a chance in life to feel the depth of

> your soul explode with emotion, it's strange. Thank

> you for sharing your story. Somewhere deep deep

> inside all of us there is a story ready to be told,

> a part of our life that needs to be lived. It is

> weird to know people who do not ever let that depth

> come to the surface. I work with people who, for

> example , have been adopted, or had a broken home.

> These people hide the pain or are in such denial

> that they are rude. One " princess " wears nothing but

> very expensive clothes (school teacher) and if it

> gets a smidge of a spot, she freaks out and says she

> will just throw it away and buy a new article of

> clothing, the latest thing was a 200.00

> jacket....she needs to grow up.(she also has like 1%

> body fat and works out for hours a day at the gym

> and is rude to anyone who is larger than a size 3)

> Your story reminds me that deep feelings need to be

> felt in order to have empathy and feel love, even

> love for ourself. Pam, you did a good

> thing, this may very easily change the way you look

> at things forever.

> Hugs!

> Sue

>

> Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote:

> I wanted to post something here about my mini

> vacation

> to North Carolina over the weekend. I will bring

> you

> up to speed so that my story does not get confusing,

> which is real easy for me to do.

>

> My parents divorced many years ago but because it

> was

> a bad marriage (mom got married at 15 and dad was

> 17)

> it lasted only 5 years. Those five years were very

> bad years including some domestic abuse on my

> father's

> side.

>

> For years my mother would talk bad about my father

> and

> would not allow us to see him...you know the drill.

> My father never paid child support and he had just

> moved on and got married. It was a situation where

> my

> dad left and the rent was not paid and electricity

> got

> shut off and we had no food. Well after years of

> hearing this over and over, I learned how to hate my

> dad and his new wife.

>

> As I became a little older, I began to desire seeing

> my dad but my mother would always get sad or seem

> upset so I declined to go see him. Well, the

> purpose

> for me going to North Carolina was to attend my

> fathers 56 birthday dinner party. Before I decided

> to

> go, I struggled and it even got to the point were I

> cried about it. I cried because I was so worried

> about hurting my mother's feelings and making her

> upset. Yes, after 30 some odd years, my mother

> would

> get upset. I prayed about it and decided that I had

> already lost one dad almost 2 years ago (step

> father)

> and that this is the only other dad I have. So I

> went

> and I am glad I did. You see, I had been hearing

> rumors that he is very very sick but it was sort of

> a

> hush hush thing. After I returned from burying my

> step father, I dreamed my father was sick and had

> died. I immediately called him and asked how he was

> doing and he assured me that he was fine. Now keep

> in

> mind that none of my family members on my father's

> side ever lived to see 60. Only two did but they

> passed away as early as 62 and 60. He has a heart

> murmur and high blood pressure, high cholesterol and

> I

> am not sure what else. When I saw him, he looked so

> sick. He is 56 and he walks hunched over and moves

> so

> slow. He has a ashy gray tone to his complexion and

> he looks like a person that has had a stroke. His

> eyes look sunk in his head...he just did not look

> right to me. He is so small. He wears a size

> medium

> shirt (he has lost so much weight). I felt so bad

> when I left because I allowed someone else to

> influence a major decision and now because I never

> spent time with my dad, I can't get that time back.

> Because I live in California and he lives in North

> Carolina, the issue with time is still not in my

> favor

> because I can't afford to keep going home and

> neither

> can he come here that often. I made sure I danced

> with him and that I told him I loved him and I told

> him that I was sorry that I allowed so much time to

> pass without spending time with him because the

> stuff

> that happened had nothing to do with me. I guess

> the

> message that I am trying to send here is that

> although

> someone might have done something that hurt you and

> impacted your life, we have to learn to forgive and

> move on. I was blessed to see him, to hold his

> hand,

> to dance with him and to apologize for my foolish

> decisions. Now, my dad and I start afresh. I only

> pray that there is time for us to get to know one

> another. Be good to people and love one another.

> Life is just too short. Some things just don't

> matter

> sometimes. Thanks for listening.

>

> Pam Marsh

> > >

> > > __________________________________

> > > Do you Yahoo!?

> > > Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty

> > viruses.

> > > http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > >

June 22, 2005

Thank you . Love ya!

Pam Marsh

--- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...>

wrote:

> WOW Pam

>

> The same thing happened to me. When I was 15 my mom

> and dad divorced

> due to another woman. My mom moved my brother,

> sister and me out

> here to california. My dad is in Indiana. For many

> years, I was

> angry at my dad. My mom was abusive and stopped

> being a mother, bad

> mouthed my dad as a no good so and so who walked out

> on his family

> and I had to finish raising my brother and sister. I

> tried keeping

> semi contact with my dad as he was always my hero, I

> was very much

> daddy's girl. But I was also mad at him. Long story

> short, finally

> when I was about 25, we really talked. He had left

> the other woman

> who was really poison and only fed the fuel to keep

> me and my dad

> estranged. My dad and I are very close now, although

> we dont see

> each other much at all....maybe every 5 years. I

> have plans to go

> see him for Christmas...but my hubby always digs in

> his heels and

> refuses to go. Well, I will go alone this year if I

> have to. The

> last time I saw my daddy was in Sept 2001 when my

> brother died of

> obesity. I swore at that time that my next trip

> home, would NOT be

> for another funeral. My biggest fear is that some

> thing will happen

> to him before I can get there. Im terrified of going

> alone....I

> would have to fly...no way would I drive alone. My

> kids all want to

> go, so I would have to drive. But Im going one way

> or the other. My

> hubby always says we cant afford it...but I dont

> care...we are going

> this year. If I just keep repeating that it will

> happen.

>

> Dont beat yourself up for lost years...just make the

> best of what

> you have now. Go forward!!

>

> Huggles

>

> > I wanted to post something here about my mini

> vacation

> > to North Carolina over the weekend. I will bring

> you

> > up to speed so that my story does not get

> confusing,

> > which is real easy for me to do.

> >

> > My parents divorced many years ago but because it

> was

> > a bad marriage (mom got married at 15 and dad was

> 17)

> > it lasted only 5 years. Those five years were

> very

> > bad years including some domestic abuse on my

> father's

> > side.

> >

> > For years my mother would talk bad about my father

> and

> > would not allow us to see him...you know the

> drill.

> > My father never paid child support and he had just

> > moved on and got married. It was a situation

> where my

> > dad left and the rent was not paid and electricity

> got

> > shut off and we had no food. Well after years of

> > hearing this over and over, I learned how to hate

> my

> > dad and his new wife.

> >

> > As I became a little older, I began to desire

> seeing

> > my dad but my mother would always get sad or seem

> > upset so I declined to go see him. Well, the

> purpose

> > for me going to North Carolina was to attend my

> > fathers 56 birthday dinner party. Before I

> decided to

> > go, I struggled and it even got to the point were

> I

> > cried about it. I cried because I was so worried

> > about hurting my mother's feelings and making her

> > upset. Yes, after 30 some odd years, my mother

> would

> > get upset. I prayed about it and decided that I

> had

> > already lost one dad almost 2 years ago (step

> father)

> > and that this is the only other dad I have. So I

> went

> > and I am glad I did. You see, I had been hearing

> > rumors that he is very very sick but it was sort

> of a

> > hush hush thing. After I returned from burying my

> > step father, I dreamed my father was sick and had

> > died. I immediately called him and asked how he

> was

> > doing and he assured me that he was fine. Now

> keep in

> > mind that none of my family members on my father's

> > side ever lived to see 60. Only two did but they

> > passed away as early as 62 and 60. He has a heart

> > murmur and high blood pressure, high cholesterol

> and I

> > am not sure what else. When I saw him, he looked

> so

> > sick. He is 56 and he walks hunched over and

> moves so

> > slow. He has a ashy gray tone to his complexion

> and

> > he looks like a person that has had a stroke. His

> > eyes look sunk in his head...he just did not look

> > right to me. He is so small. He wears a size

> medium

> > shirt (he has lost so much weight). I felt so bad

> > when I left because I allowed someone else to

> > influence a major decision and now because I never

> > spent time with my dad, I can't get that time

> back.

> > Because I live in California and he lives in North

> > Carolina, the issue with time is still not in my

> favor

> > because I can't afford to keep going home and

> neither

> > can he come here that often. I made sure I danced

> > with him and that I told him I loved him and I

> told

> > him that I was sorry that I allowed so much time

> to

> > pass without spending time with him because the

> stuff

> > that happened had nothing to do with me. I guess

> the

> > message that I am trying to send here is that

> although

> > someone might have done something that hurt you

> and

> > impacted your life, we have to learn to forgive

> and

> > move on. I was blessed to see him, to hold his

> hand,

> > to dance with him and to apologize for my foolish

> > decisions. Now, my dad and I start afresh. I

> only

> > pray that there is time for us to get to know one

> > another. Be good to people and love one another.

> > Life is just too short. Some things just don't

> matter

> > sometimes. Thanks for listening.

> >

> > Pam Marsh

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________

> > > > Do you Yahoo!?

> > > > Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty

> > > viruses.

> > > > http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail

> > > >

> > > > ---------------------------------

> > > >

June 22, 2005

Thank you . Love ya!

Pam Marsh

--- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...>

wrote:

> WOW Pam

>

> The same thing happened to me. When I was 15 my mom

> and dad divorced

> due to another woman. My mom moved my brother,

> sister and me out

> here to california. My dad is in Indiana. For many

> years, I was

> angry at my dad. My mom was abusive and stopped

> being a mother, bad

> mouthed my dad as a no good so and so who walked out

> on his family

> and I had to finish raising my brother and sister. I

> tried keeping

> semi contact with my dad as he was always my hero, I

> was very much

> daddy's girl. But I was also mad at him. Long story

> short, finally

> when I was about 25, we really talked. He had left

> the other woman

> who was really poison and only fed the fuel to keep

> me and my dad

> estranged. My dad and I are very close now, although

> we dont see

> each other much at all....maybe every 5 years. I

> have plans to go

> see him for Christmas...but my hubby always digs in

> his heels and

> refuses to go. Well, I will go alone this year if I

> have to. The

> last time I saw my daddy was in Sept 2001 when my

> brother died of

> obesity. I swore at that time that my next trip

> home, would NOT be

> for another funeral. My biggest fear is that some

> thing will happen

> to him before I can get there. Im terrified of going

> alone....I

> would have to fly...no way would I drive alone. My

> kids all want to

> go, so I would have to drive. But Im going one way

> or the other. My

> hubby always says we cant afford it...but I dont

> care...we are going

> this year. If I just keep repeating that it will

> happen.

>

> Dont beat yourself up for lost years...just make the

> best of what

> you have now. Go forward!!

>

> Huggles

>

> > I wanted to post something here about my mini

> vacation

> > to North Carolina over the weekend. I will bring

> you

> > up to speed so that my story does not get

> confusing,

> > which is real easy for me to do.

> >

> > My parents divorced many years ago but because it

> was

> > a bad marriage (mom got married at 15 and dad was

> 17)

> > it lasted only 5 years. Those five years were

> very

> > bad years including some domestic abuse on my

> father's

> > side.

> >

> > For years my mother would talk bad about my father

> and

> > would not allow us to see him...you know the

> drill.

> > My father never paid child support and he had just

> > moved on and got married. It was a situation

> where my

> > dad left and the rent was not paid and electricity

> got

> > shut off and we had no food. Well after years of

> > hearing this over and over, I learned how to hate

> my

> > dad and his new wife.

> >

> > As I became a little older, I began to desire

> seeing

> > my dad but my mother would always get sad or seem

> > upset so I declined to go see him. Well, the

> purpose

> > for me going to North Carolina was to attend my

> > fathers 56 birthday dinner party. Before I

> decided to

> > go, I struggled and it even got to the point were

> I

> > cried about it. I cried because I was so worried

> > about hurting my mother's feelings and making her

> > upset. Yes, after 30 some odd years, my mother

> would

> > get upset. I prayed about it and decided that I

> had

> > already lost one dad almost 2 years ago (step

> father)

> > and that this is the only other dad I have. So I

> went

> > and I am glad I did. You see, I had been hearing

> > rumors that he is very very sick but it was sort

> of a

> > hush hush thing. After I returned from burying my

> > step father, I dreamed my father was sick and had

> > died. I immediately called him and asked how he

> was

> > doing and he assured me that he was fine. Now

> keep in

> > mind that none of my family members on my father's

> > side ever lived to see 60. Only two did but they

> > passed away as early as 62 and 60. He has a heart

> > murmur and high blood pressure, high cholesterol

> and I

> > am not sure what else. When I saw him, he looked

> so

> > sick. He is 56 and he walks hunched over and

> moves so

> > slow. He has a ashy gray tone to his complexion

> and

> > he looks like a person that has had a stroke. His

> > eyes look sunk in his head...he just did not look

> > right to me. He is so small. He wears a size

> medium

> > shirt (he has lost so much weight). I felt so bad

> > when I left because I allowed someone else to

> > influence a major decision and now because I never

> > spent time with my dad, I can't get that time

> back.

> > Because I live in California and he lives in North

> > Carolina, the issue with time is still not in my

> favor

> > because I can't afford to keep going home and

> neither

> > can he come here that often. I made sure I danced

> > with him and that I told him I loved him and I

> told

> > him that I was sorry that I allowed so much time

> to

> > pass without spending time with him because the

> stuff

> > that happened had nothing to do with me. I guess

> the

> > message that I am trying to send here is that

> although

> > someone might have done something that hurt you

> and

> > impacted your life, we have to learn to forgive

> and

> > move on. I was blessed to see him, to hold his

> hand,

> > to dance with him and to apologize for my foolish

> > decisions. Now, my dad and I start afresh. I

> only

> > pray that there is time for us to get to know one

> > another. Be good to people and love one another.

> > Life is just too short. Some things just don't

> matter

> > sometimes. Thanks for listening.

> >

> > Pam Marsh

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________

> > > > Do you Yahoo!?

> > > > Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty

> > > viruses.

> > > > http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail

> > > >

> > > > ---------------------------------

> > > >

June 22, 2005

Thank you . Love ya!

Pam Marsh

--- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...>

wrote:

> WOW Pam

>

> The same thing happened to me. When I was 15 my mom

> and dad divorced

> due to another woman. My mom moved my brother,

> sister and me out

> here to california. My dad is in Indiana. For many

> years, I was

> angry at my dad. My mom was abusive and stopped

> being a mother, bad

> mouthed my dad as a no good so and so who walked out

> on his family

> and I had to finish raising my brother and sister. I

> tried keeping

> semi contact with my dad as he was always my hero, I

> was very much

> daddy's girl. But I was also mad at him. Long story

> short, finally

> when I was about 25, we really talked. He had left

> the other woman

> who was really poison and only fed the fuel to keep

> me and my dad

> estranged. My dad and I are very close now, although

> we dont see

> each other much at all....maybe every 5 years. I

> have plans to go

> see him for Christmas...but my hubby always digs in

> his heels and

> refuses to go. Well, I will go alone this year if I

> have to. The

> last time I saw my daddy was in Sept 2001 when my

> brother died of

> obesity. I swore at that time that my next trip

> home, would NOT be

> for another funeral. My biggest fear is that some

> thing will happen

> to him before I can get there. Im terrified of going

> alone....I

> would have to fly...no way would I drive alone. My

> kids all want to

> go, so I would have to drive. But Im going one way

> or the other. My

> hubby always says we cant afford it...but I dont

> care...we are going

> this year. If I just keep repeating that it will

> happen.

>

> Dont beat yourself up for lost years...just make the

> best of what

> you have now. Go forward!!

>

> Huggles

>

> > I wanted to post something here about my mini

> vacation

> > to North Carolina over the weekend. I will bring

> you

> > up to speed so that my story does not get

> confusing,

> > which is real easy for me to do.

> >

> > My parents divorced many years ago but because it

> was

> > a bad marriage (mom got married at 15 and dad was

> 17)

> > it lasted only 5 years. Those five years were

> very

> > bad years including some domestic abuse on my

> father's

> > side.

> >

> > For years my mother would talk bad about my father

> and

> > would not allow us to see him...you know the

> drill.

> > My father never paid child support and he had just

> > moved on and got married. It was a situation

> where my

> > dad left and the rent was not paid and electricity

> got

> > shut off and we had no food. Well after years of

> > hearing this over and over, I learned how to hate

> my

> > dad and his new wife.

> >

> > As I became a little older, I began to desire

> seeing

> > my dad but my mother would always get sad or seem

> > upset so I declined to go see him. Well, the

> purpose

> > for me going to North Carolina was to attend my

> > fathers 56 birthday dinner party. Before I

> decided to

> > go, I struggled and it even got to the point were

> I

> > cried about it. I cried because I was so worried

> > about hurting my mother's feelings and making her

> > upset. Yes, after 30 some odd years, my mother

> would

> > get upset. I prayed about it and decided that I

> had

> > already lost one dad almost 2 years ago (step

> father)

> > and that this is the only other dad I have. So I

> went

> > and I am glad I did. You see, I had been hearing

> > rumors that he is very very sick but it was sort

> of a

> > hush hush thing. After I returned from burying my

> > step father, I dreamed my father was sick and had

> > died. I immediately called him and asked how he

> was

> > doing and he assured me that he was fine. Now

> keep in

> > mind that none of my family members on my father's

> > side ever lived to see 60. Only two did but they

> > passed away as early as 62 and 60. He has a heart

> > murmur and high blood pressure, high cholesterol

> and I

> > am not sure what else. When I saw him, he looked

> so

> > sick. He is 56 and he walks hunched over and

> moves so

> > slow. He has a ashy gray tone to his complexion

> and

> > he looks like a person that has had a stroke. His

> > eyes look sunk in his head...he just did not look

> > right to me. He is so small. He wears a size

> medium

> > shirt (he has lost so much weight). I felt so bad

> > when I left because I allowed someone else to

> > influence a major decision and now because I never

> > spent time with my dad, I can't get that time

> back.

> > Because I live in California and he lives in North

> > Carolina, the issue with time is still not in my

> favor

> > because I can't afford to keep going home and

> neither

> > can he come here that often. I made sure I danced

> > with him and that I told him I loved him and I

> told

> > him that I was sorry that I allowed so much time

> to

> > pass without spending time with him because the

> stuff

> > that happened had nothing to do with me. I guess

> the

> > message that I am trying to send here is that

> although

> > someone might have done something that hurt you

> and

> > impacted your life, we have to learn to forgive

> and

> > move on. I was blessed to see him, to hold his

> hand,

> > to dance with him and to apologize for my foolish

> > decisions. Now, my dad and I start afresh. I

> only

> > pray that there is time for us to get to know one

> > another. Be good to people and love one another.

> > Life is just too short. Some things just don't

> matter

> > sometimes. Thanks for listening.

> >

> > Pam Marsh

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________

> > > > Do you Yahoo!?

> > > > Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty

> > > viruses.

> > > > http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail

> > > >

> > > > ---------------------------------

> > > >

June 22, 2005

Pam, Pam, Pam....

What a wise woman you are for taking time now to build memories with your father before he is gone. That will be so important for you to have. Your open heart will bring you blessings. I am so proud of you for going...I didn't quite realize the situation before you left, and I can understand now why you were so nervous about it all. I am so glad that you guys were able to reignite a bond between you...that will help heal the hurt that you have felt all of these years about having been abandoned.

You have such a warm, open and generous spirit my friend. thank you for sharing this post (which made me cry, by the way). You are right. Very right about what you've said. The night before my surgery, I wrote to Olivier, and told him that I forgave him (even though he hadn't asked) for what he said to me. That I understood he was trying to set me free. That I really hoped he would get some help, because it seems like he doesn't love himself enough to accept love from others...and that the idea that he might wind up alone, or surrounded by superficial peole who don't know him or really love him made me very very sad. That he deserves love, but until he believes that, I understood that he would always push away or mistreat those who love him the most...because, I mean, how can he respect somebody stupid enough to love him (since he thinks he is so worthless). Anyway, I said it all, very heartfelt, because I really care about him and

hurt for him, and he will always be important to me. Had I left it the way it had been, and something had happened to me at the surgery, I know he would have been tortured by the memory forever. And I felt good about it. He hurt me, but he did it from his own position of hurt. And it felt good to forgive him. I told him I didn't believe I would ever love him like I had...that was dead, now. But, that I would always care for him and want the best for him.

I needed to do that for the peace of my own soul. And I needed to do that for him. I have been connected enough to him in the past to know that he really needed that.

So, making amends, well...that frees us. And now, you are freed to strike your own conclusions about your dad. I'm very very proud of you. May your relationship with him be filled with joy and love, my friend. You deserve that.

RobynnPamela A Marsh wrote:

Thank you Sue. I shared it because all day long onMonday, I cried. I had crying spells. I was out intoys R Us and I cried. I found a corner because I didnot want my husband or anyone to notice. I think myhusband knew because we had talked about this. Itgets so hard for him because sometimes he just doesnot know what to do but I am tired of feeling ashamedbecause of bad choices and I want to feel like it isalright to feel what I have felt and feel so I can getover it so I can proceed forward. I don't want toalways think about my dad and feel sad about mychoices. I want to spend whatever time I have withhim laughing so that when he is gone or if I leavethat there will be that grieving period and I can moveon instead of not being able to move forward.Thanks for your advice

and listening.Pam Marsh--- Randy Mendez wrote:> Dear Pam, > When you get a chance in life to feel the depth of> your soul explode with emotion, it's strange. Thank> you for sharing your story. Somewhere deep deep> inside all of us there is a story ready to be told,> a part of our life that needs to be lived. It is> weird to know people who do not ever let that depth> come to the surface. I work with people who, for> example , have been adopted, or had a broken home.> These people hide the pain or are in such denial> that they are rude. One "princess" wears nothing but> very expensive clothes (school teacher) and if it> gets a smidge of a spot, she freaks out and says she> will just throw it away and buy a new article of> clothing, the latest thing was a 200.00> jacket....she needs to grow up.(she also has like 1%>

body fat and works out for hours a day at the gym> and is rude to anyone who is larger than a size 3) > Your story reminds me that deep feelings need to be> felt in order to have empathy and feel love, even> love for ourself. Pam, you did a good> thing, this may very easily change the way you look> at things forever. > Hugs!> Sue> > Pamela A Marsh wrote:> I wanted to post something here about my mini> vacation> to North Carolina over the weekend. I will bring> you> up to speed so that my story does not get confusing,> which is real easy for me to do. > > My parents divorced many years ago but because it> was> a bad marriage (mom got married at 15 and dad was> 17)> it lasted only 5 years. Those five years were very> bad years including some domestic abuse on

my> father's> side.> > For years my mother would talk bad about my father> and> would not allow us to see him...you know the drill. > My father never paid child support and he had just> moved on and got married. It was a situation where> my> dad left and the rent was not paid and electricity> got> shut off and we had no food. Well after years of> hearing this over and over, I learned how to hate my> dad and his new wife. > > As I became a little older, I began to desire seeing> my dad but my mother would always get sad or seem> upset so I declined to go see him. Well, the> purpose> for me going to North Carolina was to attend my> fathers 56 birthday dinner party. Before I decided> to> go, I struggled and it even got to the point were I> cried about it. I cried because I was so

worried> about hurting my mother's feelings and making her> upset. Yes, after 30 some odd years, my mother> would> get upset. I prayed about it and decided that I had> already lost one dad almost 2 years ago (step> father)> and that this is the only other dad I have. So I> went> and I am glad I did. You see, I had been hearing> rumors that he is very very sick but it was sort of> a> hush hush thing. After I returned from burying my> step father, I dreamed my father was sick and had> died. I immediately called him and asked how he was> doing and he assured me that he was fine. Now keep> in> mind that none of my family members on my father's> side ever lived to see 60. Only two did but they> passed away as early as 62 and 60. He has a heart> murmur and high blood pressure, high cholesterol

and> I> am not sure what else. When I saw him, he looked so> sick. He is 56 and he walks hunched over and moves> so> slow. He has a ashy gray tone to his complexion and> he looks like a person that has had a stroke. His> eyes look sunk in his head...he just did not look> right to me. He is so small. He wears a size> medium> shirt (he has lost so much weight). I felt so bad> when I left because I allowed someone else to> influence a major decision and now because I never> spent time with my dad, I can't get that time back. > Because I live in California and he lives in North> Carolina, the issue with time is still not in my> favor> because I can't afford to keep going home and> neither> can he come here that often. I made sure I danced> with him and that I told him I loved him and I told> him

that I was sorry that I allowed so much time to> pass without spending time with him because the> stuff> that happened had nothing to do with me. I guess> the> message that I am trying to send here is that> although> someone might have done something that hurt you and> impacted your life, we have to learn to forgive and> move on. I was blessed to see him, to hold his> hand,> to dance with him and to apologize for my foolish> decisions. Now, my dad and I start afresh. I only> pray that there is time for us to get to know one> another. Be good to people and love one another. > Life is just too short. Some things just don't> matter> sometimes. Thanks for listening.> > Pam Marsh > > > > > > __________________________________

> > > Do you Yahoo!? > > > Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty> > viruses. > > > http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail> > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------> > >

June 22, 2005