Re: co-worker silence

[Guest guest]

I find that people are very funny. I only told a select few co-

workers. Rumors abounded and some people seem to know who I did not

tell. Most of those people don't say anything to me at all, which is

fine with me. I didn't have this surgery to get compliments or

strokes from anyone. And I find that many people cannot give a

genuine compliment without referring to the fact that you were fat

before. Maybe I'm overly sensitive on this issue. For me the best

thing a person can say is, gee, look fabulous, or healthy, or

something like that. But when they start saying, God, you've lost

sooo much weight, how much have you lost? That really pisses me

off. First of all, it's none of their business how many pounds I've

lost--would they have asked me how much I weigh? I don't think so,

so why ask how many pounds I've lost? For a lot of people,

discussing diets and their weight is just like talking about the

weather--they'll talk to anyone. For me it's an extremely personal

and private matter than I will only share with people I trust

completely. As for people saying, " have you lost weight " ? To me,

that's a yes or know question. Or looking at you and saying " you've

lost weight. " Yeah, and? Those aren't compliments. In fact, I

think most people don't really know how to handle it tactfully and

sensitively. Some people have asked me what my secret is. I've

lately started to respond " if I told you, I'd have to kill you " ,

trying to be humorous but at the same time letting them know I don't

want to discuss it with them. Sorry, to ramble, but I really get on

my soapbox about this one. Most people comment how thin my face is

getting--no one looks at my ass and says I'm wasting away! ;-)

But like I said before, I don't need comments from anyone. I am just

walking through this with grace and dignity. For me the rewards are

internal, and in the little things. Like I can cross my legs now. I

can finally (after 100 lbs) walk upstairs without feeling anything.

I can fit into chairs with arms without it being uncomfortable. The

flexibility and mobility I am enjoying are incredible. I am much

more comfortable in my surroundings. I started out in size 30/32,

some 3X's were small. Now I'm in 1X and 18/20's. In fact, some of

my 'skinny' clothes are now too big and I didn't even get to wear

them again! I had a pretty decent self image even at 311 lbs--always

dressed nicely, makeup, hair, the whole thing. But now it's just

better all the way around.

Thanks for letting me vent and share! Love and blessings to all.

Suzanne W., Los Angeles

Switched 9/25/00, Dr. Keshishian, Delano, CA

Started at 311 lbs, bmi 49.9, 5'7 "

Now at 210 lbs, bmi 33!

> Hi Dorian:

> Last diet I was on, no one said a thing until I had lost about 50

lb. and

> then it was pretty tentative " are you loosing weight? your face

looks

> different... " So I supposed that starting at 376 or so, it took to

330

> before the difference was apparent.

> I am having such a different response at my office to the surgery --

first,

> there is a guy there whose brother worked with us for a short while

before he

> had the surgery -- so everyone knows about him and his result --

plus I have

> the same Doc and same surgery -- saves a lot of explaining. The

Gossip Grape

> vine was spreading the news that I was planning the surgery about

10 min

> after I told one person. Plus my Boss has a cousin who had the

surgery a

> couple of years ago, and he has practically been pushing me out the

door to

> go see the doc.

>

> So, I expect your alleged friend has told everyone you will gain

the weight

> back, just wait and see. Buy a new outfit that is slightly too

small and in

> an outrageous color. Let them talk about that. AND don't be shy

about

> mentioning your surgery -- casually and in passing -- as in " gee, I

really

> can't eat more than a bite or two now that I have a new smaller

stomach, do

> you want the rest of this? " , or " Excuse me! I find I really have a

lot of gas

> now that I have had the surgery, I apologize. " These people are

not on your

> team -- go ahead and mess with their heads. And consider finding a

better

> job with a better working environment!

> Nan E-- pre op 386 lbs, bmi 71 5'2 "