Re: 3 years and everything has changed

[Guest guest]

-Francisco: You are perhaps one of the wisest people that I have had

the pleasure of reading....that bit about courage being not the lack

of fear but the walking through it to get what you want---

marvelous!!!! With your permission, I would like to adopt this as my

new mantra.....Thank you for enlightening me in this

fashion....Yours, Tamara-- In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-

patients , " Francisco " wrote:

> Hello everyone:

>

> A dear friend of mine for 24 years is in the beginning stages of

> getting approved for gastric bypass surgery. She wrote me today to

> tell me that she's starting the process, and here is my message to

> her. Hopefully, it will help any of you newbies out there:

>

> *****

>

> OMG! Congratulations! It is SOOOOOO coincidental that you deliver

> this news to me today. Three years ago today, I went to my PCP to

be

> referred to Kaiser's bariatric program. I know that this is not

for

> everyone, but when you decide it's for you, you will have my

support

> regardless of where this path takes you.

>

> Yes, of course, you can count on me to answer any questions you

might

> have. And if you want someone to attend a support group meeting

with

> you (as a support person), I'd be happy to do so.

>

> You know, my journey has been such an odyssey. Everything,

> everything has changed in my life. It's not been easy, but I am so

> worth it. And I know that you are too. You will have to accept

> that: nothing in your life will change except everything.

>

> Be prepared for opposition because you are confronting an issue

that

> runs deep with overweight people, particularly the morbidly obese.

I

> lost 3 friends (all morbidly obese), but I gained so much more. My

> life is full in ways I only dreamed of: square dancing, marathon

> training, church activities, dates, dates and more dates. I'm not

> afraid to connect with new people. While I'm not the life of the

> party (that's not my style), I look forward to dates and

connections

> as an opportunity to connect with others. If someone doesn't like

> me, oh well, no problem; I still like me. And the connections I

have

> to others is what bring me joy. I no longer live in the isolation

> imposed by myself. I am no longer a prisoner to my own body. I am

> free. My life used to center around chores and TV. Now I have no

> time for TV because my life is more interesting than anything on

TV.

> Chores now take a fraction of the time because I have so much more

> energy.

>

> And regarding dates, you're going to need to get a grip on one

> thing. You are beautiful as you are, right now. However, as you

get

> closer to society's ideal, I think men will pay more attention to

you

> than you might be used to (it's happened to me in a big way). Your

> beauty will increase because you'll feel so wonderful physically

and

> emotionally. My PCP said that as I got closer to goal weight, I

> became radiant. It's the glow of good health and self love. The

> combination is all-empowering. It still doesn't register to me

that

> I'm " all that. " I've never judged myself based on appearance. But

> lots of men see something in me that isn't common. You've got it

> too: courage. And courage is not the absence of fear; it's walking

> through that fear to get what you want.

>

> I can't believe how many dates I've been on in the months since

Zach

> and I broke up (did I forget to tell you that and I broke

> up?....anyway...). I'm currently dating a doctor (Joe), a lawyer

> (Don), a PR exec (), and Mark (heath care researcher). Don has

> been amazing and is making me think long and hard about where I

want

> to be in a few years. He's been hitting all the right notes, and

> he's told me he's looking for someone to co-parent a child with

him.

> He's just starting the process of international adoption, but that

> will take a few years. Since we've started seeing each other, he's

> shown me his home (OMG, like a museum--original artwork, tapestries

> and paintings throughout, so stylish) and we've had long

> conversations about the future. He treats me wonderfully, and pays

> attention to the little details like holding my hand under the

table

> or touching the small of my back as we walk. He's also talked

about

> cutting down the number of hours he works to more fully devote time

> to a partner and a child.

>

> I've always wanted a child, but Zach would not consider it. With

> Don, it would be financially do-able to raise a child in the way

I'd

> want to. (God, how would I restrain myself from spoiling her

> rotten?) However, I still need some time because I want to be

single

> and (for lack of a better way to express it) play the field for a

> while. But never in a million years did I think that I'd have

these

> kind of opportunities just three years ago. Who would have

believed

> that I'd run a half marathon? I never would have believed that I'd

> enjoy running. Me? A runner? But it's now true.

>

> Freedom will bring you joy and challenges that you cannot yet

> anticipate. However, it will be the best thing you ever did for

> yourself. As a wise psychologist said to me, " The price of freedom

> is dear, but its fruit is delicious. " And baby, it's high time I

> tasted some of that fruit. It's high time you did too.

>

> Best of luck to you. As always, you're in my prayers.

>

> ****

>

> Thanks for reading, people. I hope you're all doing well.

>

> Francisco