Re: Consumed...........

July 21, 2005

Hi Azin-

I think it is important to question yourself because having the

surgery is a lifelong commitment. I took a long time to make the

decision and am glad that I did. I feel that the better informed

and accepting of the changes you are, the better your chances of

success. There were some people that thought I was too young for

the surgery (I'm 39), but I have had weight problems ever since I

graduated from high school, got a desk job, and had two kids. Every

time I lost weight, I was the classic example of gain it all back

plus 20. I looked into the future and it was grim. If I was this

heavy at 39 (320 lbs), what would I be like at 50 or 60?

So now I am adapting to my new lifestyle and am happy most of the

time. I just cleaned out my closet and am donating all my size 22 -

30 clothes to a local career clothes closet. It is awesome to fit

into size 20 again and know that I will continue to shrink. I tried

on some jeans I had been saving for years and they fit - the only

problem was that peg legs are currently out of style and I looked

ridiculous!

I have explained my new limitations to my family and friends and

they have been very supportive. The biggest request that I have

given all of them is that when I say " no " to a certain food, please

accept it and don't make me say it twice, because it is hard enough

to say it the first time. My teen-aged daughter ate a peanut butter

cup in front of me recently and I almost killed her. She thought I

was joking when I asked her to go away but Reeses are a major

trigger for me and smelling it was mentally painful.

I am regaining so much quality of life though that I can deal with

what I have given up. If you aren't at that point yet, and are

unsure about surgery, I encourage you to stay in the program but

take your time. I think that one of the reasons the process takes

so long at Kaiser is they want you to have time to think and absorb

everything before taking the leap. I resented it at times, but in

retrospect, the time to reflect was important. If you go to

meetings in So. San Francisco, ask them for the list of " 100 reasons

to lose 100 pounds. " It really helps me to look it over when I need

extra motivation.

Good luck,

Sherri

Starting Weight 2/17/2005 320.5

Weight one week before surgery 5-17-05 287.5

Date of surgery 5-25-05 SSF Dr. Umbach (laparoscopic)

Weight today 7-21-05 249

- 71.5 lbs

> I'm freaking out today...full of anxeity. Every post today has

been so

> helpful and caused so much paranoia. God I hope I'm doing the

right

> thing.

>

> Please don't hate me if I say this but I totally questioned myself

at

> the last meeting I had at Kaiser. I was like one of the smallest

> people in there. I guess when I was waiting to get weighed some a

few

> ladies started talking to my mom (my support person) and they were

> saying stuff like I look fine and how I even got into the program.

I so

> freaked out. When I say small I'm not physically small but I've

become

> a good con-artist. I'm 5'10 so I thank my height for making me

look a

> little bit more porportioned. Every thing I put is so calculated

that

> I hide EVERYTHING. So far no one seems to understand why I am

doing

> this. Which is flattering but it's really messing with my

head.

>

> I spend 8 hours at work just looking at before and after pictures

on

> obesity.com. I can't wait anymore...I've been consumed with all

of

> this 7 months now.

>

> Agh....sorry to vent. And my poor boyfriend - it seems all I have

to

> talk about is this damn surgery. I just want it all over

with....and I

> totally blew it this week. I had probably the worse period of my

life

> this week to add to everything else going on in my head and broke

my

> diet. I am feeling so incredibly guilty and I have dinner plans

that I

> want to break tonight but I can't. More stuff to go on my guilt

pile I

> guess.

>

> Azin :/

July 21, 2005