Reminders of why

[Guest guest]

With my date getting closer by the minute I have had the normal

incidences of terror and wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

Last night my husband, kids and I went to the races, and although I

had a great time in general, I was reminded just how hard it is to be

super-sized in a regular sized world.

I can no longer zip the zipper in my size 28 jeans, so I have to

wear shirts that cover my open zipper. Climbing the bleachers was an

exercise in agony, and using the bathroom, now that's dang near

impossible!

The stalls are so compact anyway, and getting in then trying to

close the door is hard enough. But after you finish your business on

the toilets that seem to be only mere inches off the floor, you cant

get the door open without knocking yourself back onto the toilet!

The bleachers are miserably uncomfortable, probably even for a

normal person, but even with shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek

on a regular basis, my legs were cramped and numb.

I sat there and imagined myself there one year from now. I wish I

had a crystal ball and could know that everything will go just fine,

and that I'll still be there for my wonderful family. I believe in my

that I will, but I have such beautiful children and am married to the

love of my life, so I still worry.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty taking this kind of risk, and

spending so much money on myself (in all this will cost me about

$8000 total out of pocket). Ironically, it is them that I am mostly

doing this for.

Next year I will run up those bleachers, sit comfortably, and

gracefully glide in and out of those bathroom stalls.

I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so

badly.

Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful

for this chance.

Meli

BMI 47

Dr Hess

June 21, 01