Re: Parted ways with another fat friend

[Guest guest]

-Francisco: I know that I am newly post (8 days), but what you

describe sounds strangely familiar. My sister and I were estranged

for years, and it has really been only about 2 years that we have

gotten close again. She is morbidly obese, borderline diabetic, and

has no thyroid (removed). She seemed to support me through my

journey into surgery, but has become almost begrudging of the fact

that I have had no complications thus far. When I got my weight done

yesterday, it said that I had lost 10 pounds since surgery, and for

the first time in ayear was under 300pounds. I called excitedly to

tell her, and she was " too busy " to talk. Now, when she calls every

Saturday morning to tell me how she did at weight watchers, I always

support her, evn if she gained. She called later and told me that

she was happy for me but could I please not rub it in her face that I

will be losing weight at such a larger rate because it makes her want

to eat from depression. So now it's MY FAULT that ahe eats???? Do

you think that this is the start of the same crap you were

describing, because if it is, she's gotta go. I have no room for

that carp, because I, too, belong to the WILL NOT FAIL club. I look

forward to your opinion on this. Thanks, Tamara

-- In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-

patients , " Francisco " wrote:

> Hey everyone, especially you posties:

>

> Have you had anything like this happen?

>

> A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and

I

> had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the

last

> straw.

>

> After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

over.

> He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

haven't

> given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy crap,

> and I just don't agree.

>

> And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat

> friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous fit,

> and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me to

> FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted

me

> to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

workout

> buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And

> quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

when

> I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I did!

>

> Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean,

> part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate

all

> of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is fail.

> And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the

non-

> fat team.

>

> OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

>

> Francisco

> steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

It does make sense. While I havent lost friends relatively speaking I

do see a change in how Im treated by others and it makes it really

difficult. I take full responsibility for my struggles but it makes

it so much harder when my coworkers and friends continually bring

food to share that they know Im not supposed to have. Now I dont

expect everyone to eat how I must eat, but at the same

time...continually offering it to me and saying " Cant you have just

a little? " really makes resisting my triggers very difficult. For

example, today they are baking banana bread out of the leftover

bananas from lunch. They are constantly planning potluck teacher

lunches where everyone chips in. It makes it soooo hard.

I still havent reached normal weight world and sooo long to be there.

According to the BMI charts Im still obese!! Sigh!!

Huggles my friend

> Hey everyone, especially you posties:

>

> Have you had anything like this happen?

>

> A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and

I

> had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the

last

> straw.

>

> After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

over.

> He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

haven't

> given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy crap,

> and I just don't agree.

>

> And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat

> friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous fit,

> and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me to

> FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted

me

> to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

workout

> buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And

> quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

when

> I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I did!

>

> Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean,

> part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate

all

> of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is fail.

> And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the

non-

> fat team.

>

> OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

>

> Francisco

> steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

It does make sense. While I havent lost friends relatively speaking I

do see a change in how Im treated by others and it makes it really

difficult. I take full responsibility for my struggles but it makes

it so much harder when my coworkers and friends continually bring

food to share that they know Im not supposed to have. Now I dont

expect everyone to eat how I must eat, but at the same

time...continually offering it to me and saying " Cant you have just

a little? " really makes resisting my triggers very difficult. For

example, today they are baking banana bread out of the leftover

bananas from lunch. They are constantly planning potluck teacher

lunches where everyone chips in. It makes it soooo hard.

I still havent reached normal weight world and sooo long to be there.

According to the BMI charts Im still obese!! Sigh!!

Huggles my friend

> Hey everyone, especially you posties:

>

> Have you had anything like this happen?

>

> A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and

I

> had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the

last

> straw.

>

> After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

over.

> He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

haven't

> given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy crap,

> and I just don't agree.

>

> And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat

> friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous fit,

> and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me to

> FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted

me

> to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

workout

> buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And

> quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

when

> I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I did!

>

> Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean,

> part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate

all

> of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is fail.

> And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the

non-

> fat team.

>

> OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

>

> Francisco

> steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

-: If I am not mistaken, didn't you just run a friggin'

MARATHON, for goodness sakes? I say to hell with what the chart

calls you (obese, grossly, morbidly,huge, etc). You are one of my

postie heros for that, and I aspire to be able to move mountains like

that. But I do know the thing about people offering things. It's

almost as if they are trying to see if they can make you give in. I

makes me wonder the motives...do they really want to have you partake

in something that they feel is so magnificent that you are really

missing out, or that they would relish being able to tell everyone

that they got you to eat something you weren't supposed to even

though you have been so good and worked so hard? I am NOT saying

that this is the case, but it makes me wonder. People often have

agendas that they often aren't aware of themselves. Keep being

strong my dear, and before you know it, you will be

merely " overweight " rather than " obese " . Take care friend. Love

Tamara

-- In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , "

Diane Duenas " wrote:

> It does make sense. While I havent lost friends relatively speaking

I

> do see a change in how Im treated by others and it makes it really

> difficult. I take full responsibility for my struggles but it makes

> it so much harder when my coworkers and friends continually bring

> food to share that they know Im not supposed to have. Now I dont

> expect everyone to eat how I must eat, but at the same

> time...continually offering it to me and saying " Cant you have

just

> a little? " really makes resisting my triggers very difficult. For

> example, today they are baking banana bread out of the leftover

> bananas from lunch. They are constantly planning potluck teacher

> lunches where everyone chips in. It makes it soooo hard.

>

> I still havent reached normal weight world and sooo long to be

there.

> According to the BMI charts Im still obese!! Sigh!!

>

> Huggles my friend

>

>

>

> > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> >

> > Have you had anything like this happen?

> >

> > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and

> I

> > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the

> last

> > straw.

> >

> > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

> over.

> > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

> haven't

> > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy

crap,

> > and I just don't agree.

> >

> > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat

> > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous

fit,

> > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me

to

> > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted

> me

> > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

> workout

> > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And

> > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

> when

> > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> > wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I

did!

> >

> > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean,

> > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate

> all

> > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is

fail.

> > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the

> non-

> > fat team.

> >

> > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

> >

> > Francisco

> > steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tamara

I am back on track but have yet to see the scale start to move. But I

was told that the plan Im on may show a slight gain to start with and

then will begin moving again. What I like about the plan is that Im

not hungry at all. At meal times I cannot finish. Its called the

timer plan and involves using protein shakes. I was down one pound

this morning and since Im major PMSing right now Im sure in a week it

will show more.

Speaking of PMS posties(women of course)....have you noticed an

increase in PMS symptoms?? I cant figure out if its the weight loss

or the onset on perimenopause(Im 41). But Im bloated like you wouldnt

believe and my breasts feel like some one has been using them as

punching bags!!! I even considered that I may be pregnant but since

Ive had a tubal, thats not likely the cause.

Huggles

> > > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> > >

> > > Have you had anything like this happen?

> > >

> > > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)

and

> > I

> > > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just

the

> > last

> > > straw.

> > >

> > > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

> > over.

> > > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

> > haven't

> > > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy

> crap,

> > > and I just don't agree.

> > >

> > > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my

fat

> > > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous

> fit,

> > > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> > > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for

me

> to

> > > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally

wanted

> > me

> > > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

> > workout

> > > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out.

And

> > > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

> > when

> > > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> > > wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I

> did!

> > >

> > > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I

mean,

> > > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I

appreciate

> > all

> > > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is

> fail.

> > > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> > > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to

the

> > non-

> > > fat team.

> > >

> > > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

> > >

> > > Francisco

> > > steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tamara

I am back on track but have yet to see the scale start to move. But I

was told that the plan Im on may show a slight gain to start with and

then will begin moving again. What I like about the plan is that Im

not hungry at all. At meal times I cannot finish. Its called the

timer plan and involves using protein shakes. I was down one pound

this morning and since Im major PMSing right now Im sure in a week it

will show more.

Speaking of PMS posties(women of course)....have you noticed an

increase in PMS symptoms?? I cant figure out if its the weight loss

or the onset on perimenopause(Im 41). But Im bloated like you wouldnt

believe and my breasts feel like some one has been using them as

punching bags!!! I even considered that I may be pregnant but since

Ive had a tubal, thats not likely the cause.

Huggles

> > > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> > >

> > > Have you had anything like this happen?

> > >

> > > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)

and

> > I

> > > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just

the

> > last

> > > straw.

> > >

> > > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

> > over.

> > > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

> > haven't

> > > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy

> crap,

> > > and I just don't agree.

> > >

> > > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my

fat

> > > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous

> fit,

> > > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> > > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for

me

> to

> > > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally

wanted

> > me

> > > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

> > workout

> > > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out.

And

> > > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

> > when

> > > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> > > wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I

> did!

> > >

> > > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I

mean,

> > > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I

appreciate

> > all

> > > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is

> fail.

> > > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> > > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to

the

> > non-

> > > fat team.

> > >

> > > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

> > >

> > > Francisco

> > > steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tamara

I am back on track but have yet to see the scale start to move. But I

was told that the plan Im on may show a slight gain to start with and

then will begin moving again. What I like about the plan is that Im

not hungry at all. At meal times I cannot finish. Its called the

timer plan and involves using protein shakes. I was down one pound

this morning and since Im major PMSing right now Im sure in a week it

will show more.

Speaking of PMS posties(women of course)....have you noticed an

increase in PMS symptoms?? I cant figure out if its the weight loss

or the onset on perimenopause(Im 41). But Im bloated like you wouldnt

believe and my breasts feel like some one has been using them as

punching bags!!! I even considered that I may be pregnant but since

Ive had a tubal, thats not likely the cause.

Huggles

> > > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> > >

> > > Have you had anything like this happen?

> > >

> > > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)

and

> > I

> > > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just

the

> > last

> > > straw.

> > >

> > > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

> > over.

> > > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

> > haven't

> > > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy

> crap,

> > > and I just don't agree.

> > >

> > > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my

fat

> > > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous

> fit,

> > > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> > > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for

me

> to

> > > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally

wanted

> > me

> > > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

> > workout

> > > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out.

And

> > > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

> > when

> > > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> > > wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I

> did!

> > >

> > > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I

mean,

> > > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I

appreciate

> > all

> > > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is

> fail.

> > > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> > > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to

the

> > non-

> > > fat team.

> > >

> > > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

> > >

> > > Francisco

> > > steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

Tamara:

I think that at least she's being honest with you, and that's a good thing. SHe's not doing subtle little crap that is trying to derail you. But, by the same token, you need to establish your own boundaries, like saying, "Look, I'm not sharing this to depress you...I'm sharing it because I'm happy and I want to share the good and bad things in my life. You are my sister...I expect you to be as happy for me as I have been for you. As for you being depressed...maybe you should just look at the fact that I am trying to save my own life...and that this option is not entirely impossible for you to choose, too, if you want to. So, it's not like I won the lottery...it's not like you can't also have this surgery. SO...plese support me and love me through this process which isn't always easy (I'm still struggling with the psychological factor of not being able to eat when I want to...) and know that I will support you NO MATTER WHAT decisions you

make."

I don't know if just cutting people off is always healthy. In Francisco's case, this was just a friend, who exhibited many many negative behaviours that were entirely unsupportive. SO, it made sense for him to say , "See ya." But with a sister, especially one who is being honest about her own feelings (she's not saying you are a bad person for being happy...she's just acknowledging that she feels personal dispair about her own situation), I think you'd be happier if you managed to talk things through. It may take a while, but you'll get there.

My brother is morbidly obese. He just started a new job with insurance, but who knows if it covers gastric bypass. And even if it does, he may not elect to do that, as he is very afraid of surgery...and still thinks he can do it "on his own". He never said this in a judgmental way...he's watched me diet forever, and his problem is relatively recent...and he's not sure he's done everything he can do to get the weight off. And that's fine. So, while he inquires as to my health, if I'm feeling better, etc...I don't really talk to him about my weight loss. He's still in a tunnel with no light, without much hope...and I don't want to rub it in. I don't want to cause him pain. By the same token, when he sees me, he sees the change and he's very happy for me...if a bit wistful for himself. But, I think it gives him a little bit of hope...that maybe at some point he can do this himself.

RobynnTamara wrote:

-Francisco: I know that I am newly post (8 days), but what you describe sounds strangely familiar. My sister and I were estranged for years, and it has really been only about 2 years that we have gotten close again. She is morbidly obese, borderline diabetic, and has no thyroid (removed). She seemed to support me through my journey into surgery, but has become almost begrudging of the fact that I have had no complications thus far. When I got my weight done yesterday, it said that I had lost 10 pounds since surgery, and for the first time in ayear was under 300pounds. I called excitedly to tell her, and she was "too busy" to talk. Now, when she calls every Saturday morning to tell me how she did at weight watchers, I always support her, evn if she gained. She called later and told me that

she was happy for me but could I please not rub it in her face that I will be losing weight at such a larger rate because it makes her want to eat from depression. So now it's MY FAULT that ahe eats???? Do you think that this is the start of the same crap you were describing, because if it is, she's gotta go. I have no room for that carp, because I, too, belong to the WILL NOT FAIL club. I look forward to your opinion on this. Thanks, Tamara-- In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , "Francisco" <gemellodigiovanni@y...> wrote:> Hey everyone, especially you posties:> > Have you had anything like this happen?> > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and I > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the last > straw.> > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling

it over. > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I haven't > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy crap, > and I just don't agree.> > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous fit, > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me to > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted me > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his workout > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to "carry" someone else when > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he > wanted to exercise, he'd

stop making excuses and just do it. I did!> > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean, > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate all > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is fail. > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the non-> fat team.> > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?> > Francisco> steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

Tamara:

I think that at least she's being honest with you, and that's a good thing. SHe's not doing subtle little crap that is trying to derail you. But, by the same token, you need to establish your own boundaries, like saying, "Look, I'm not sharing this to depress you...I'm sharing it because I'm happy and I want to share the good and bad things in my life. You are my sister...I expect you to be as happy for me as I have been for you. As for you being depressed...maybe you should just look at the fact that I am trying to save my own life...and that this option is not entirely impossible for you to choose, too, if you want to. So, it's not like I won the lottery...it's not like you can't also have this surgery. SO...plese support me and love me through this process which isn't always easy (I'm still struggling with the psychological factor of not being able to eat when I want to...) and know that I will support you NO MATTER WHAT decisions you

make."

I don't know if just cutting people off is always healthy. In Francisco's case, this was just a friend, who exhibited many many negative behaviours that were entirely unsupportive. SO, it made sense for him to say , "See ya." But with a sister, especially one who is being honest about her own feelings (she's not saying you are a bad person for being happy...she's just acknowledging that she feels personal dispair about her own situation), I think you'd be happier if you managed to talk things through. It may take a while, but you'll get there.

My brother is morbidly obese. He just started a new job with insurance, but who knows if it covers gastric bypass. And even if it does, he may not elect to do that, as he is very afraid of surgery...and still thinks he can do it "on his own". He never said this in a judgmental way...he's watched me diet forever, and his problem is relatively recent...and he's not sure he's done everything he can do to get the weight off. And that's fine. So, while he inquires as to my health, if I'm feeling better, etc...I don't really talk to him about my weight loss. He's still in a tunnel with no light, without much hope...and I don't want to rub it in. I don't want to cause him pain. By the same token, when he sees me, he sees the change and he's very happy for me...if a bit wistful for himself. But, I think it gives him a little bit of hope...that maybe at some point he can do this himself.

RobynnTamara wrote:

-Francisco: I know that I am newly post (8 days), but what you describe sounds strangely familiar. My sister and I were estranged for years, and it has really been only about 2 years that we have gotten close again. She is morbidly obese, borderline diabetic, and has no thyroid (removed). She seemed to support me through my journey into surgery, but has become almost begrudging of the fact that I have had no complications thus far. When I got my weight done yesterday, it said that I had lost 10 pounds since surgery, and for the first time in ayear was under 300pounds. I called excitedly to tell her, and she was "too busy" to talk. Now, when she calls every Saturday morning to tell me how she did at weight watchers, I always support her, evn if she gained. She called later and told me that

she was happy for me but could I please not rub it in her face that I will be losing weight at such a larger rate because it makes her want to eat from depression. So now it's MY FAULT that ahe eats???? Do you think that this is the start of the same crap you were describing, because if it is, she's gotta go. I have no room for that carp, because I, too, belong to the WILL NOT FAIL club. I look forward to your opinion on this. Thanks, Tamara-- In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , "Francisco" <gemellodigiovanni@y...> wrote:> Hey everyone, especially you posties:> > Have you had anything like this happen?> > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and I > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the last > straw.> > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling

it over. > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I haven't > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy crap, > and I just don't agree.> > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous fit, > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me to > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted me > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his workout > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to "carry" someone else when > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he > wanted to exercise, he'd

stop making excuses and just do it. I did!> > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean, > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate all > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is fail. > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the non-> fat team.> > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?> > Francisco> steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

Tamara:

I think that at least she's being honest with you, and that's a good thing. SHe's not doing subtle little crap that is trying to derail you. But, by the same token, you need to establish your own boundaries, like saying, "Look, I'm not sharing this to depress you...I'm sharing it because I'm happy and I want to share the good and bad things in my life. You are my sister...I expect you to be as happy for me as I have been for you. As for you being depressed...maybe you should just look at the fact that I am trying to save my own life...and that this option is not entirely impossible for you to choose, too, if you want to. So, it's not like I won the lottery...it's not like you can't also have this surgery. SO...plese support me and love me through this process which isn't always easy (I'm still struggling with the psychological factor of not being able to eat when I want to...) and know that I will support you NO MATTER WHAT decisions you

make."

I don't know if just cutting people off is always healthy. In Francisco's case, this was just a friend, who exhibited many many negative behaviours that were entirely unsupportive. SO, it made sense for him to say , "See ya." But with a sister, especially one who is being honest about her own feelings (she's not saying you are a bad person for being happy...she's just acknowledging that she feels personal dispair about her own situation), I think you'd be happier if you managed to talk things through. It may take a while, but you'll get there.

My brother is morbidly obese. He just started a new job with insurance, but who knows if it covers gastric bypass. And even if it does, he may not elect to do that, as he is very afraid of surgery...and still thinks he can do it "on his own". He never said this in a judgmental way...he's watched me diet forever, and his problem is relatively recent...and he's not sure he's done everything he can do to get the weight off. And that's fine. So, while he inquires as to my health, if I'm feeling better, etc...I don't really talk to him about my weight loss. He's still in a tunnel with no light, without much hope...and I don't want to rub it in. I don't want to cause him pain. By the same token, when he sees me, he sees the change and he's very happy for me...if a bit wistful for himself. But, I think it gives him a little bit of hope...that maybe at some point he can do this himself.

RobynnTamara wrote:

-Francisco: I know that I am newly post (8 days), but what you describe sounds strangely familiar. My sister and I were estranged for years, and it has really been only about 2 years that we have gotten close again. She is morbidly obese, borderline diabetic, and has no thyroid (removed). She seemed to support me through my journey into surgery, but has become almost begrudging of the fact that I have had no complications thus far. When I got my weight done yesterday, it said that I had lost 10 pounds since surgery, and for the first time in ayear was under 300pounds. I called excitedly to tell her, and she was "too busy" to talk. Now, when she calls every Saturday morning to tell me how she did at weight watchers, I always support her, evn if she gained. She called later and told me that

she was happy for me but could I please not rub it in her face that I will be losing weight at such a larger rate because it makes her want to eat from depression. So now it's MY FAULT that ahe eats???? Do you think that this is the start of the same crap you were describing, because if it is, she's gotta go. I have no room for that carp, because I, too, belong to the WILL NOT FAIL club. I look forward to your opinion on this. Thanks, Tamara-- In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , "Francisco" <gemellodigiovanni@y...> wrote:> Hey everyone, especially you posties:> > Have you had anything like this happen?> > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and I > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the last > straw.> > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling

it over. > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I haven't > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy crap, > and I just don't agree.> > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous fit, > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me to > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted me > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his workout > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to "carry" someone else when > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he > wanted to exercise, he'd

stop making excuses and just do it. I did!> > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean, > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate all > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is fail. > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the non-> fat team.> > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?> > Francisco> steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

:

Please throw away your scale and the charts. Those of us who were

morbidly obese will have denser bones and heavier muscles because we

carried around so much extra weight.

How about you measure your success by the fact that you ran 13.1

miles on Aug 31st? Or how about the size of clothes you now fit

into? Or how about how good you feel not having any of your co-

morbidities anymore?

You're a success and you don't even realize it!

Hugs,

Francisco

> > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> >

> > Have you had anything like this happen?

> >

> > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and

> I

> > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the

> last

> > straw.

> >

> > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

> over.

> > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

> haven't

> > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy

crap,

> > and I just don't agree.

> >

> > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat

> > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous

fit,

> > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me

to

> > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted

> me

> > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

> workout

> > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And

> > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

> when

> > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> > wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I

did!

> >

> > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean,

> > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate

> all

> > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is

fail.

> > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the

> non-

> > fat team.

> >

> > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

> >

> > Francisco

> > steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

My dear friend Francisco

Thank you so much!! I really needed that today as Im having a major

Im still fat day!!! When I saw my marathon proofs, my first thought

was OMG my thighs are still humongous!! Then my good sense took over

and it was OMG I completed 13.1 miles in the required time!!! You are

so right I need to begin smelling the roses instead of being afraid

of the thorns!!

Huggles

> > > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> > >

> > > Have you had anything like this happen?

> > >

> > > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)

and

> > I

> > > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just

the

> > last

> > > straw.

> > >

> > > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

> > over.

> > > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

> > haven't

> > > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy

> crap,

> > > and I just don't agree.

> > >

> > > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my

fat

> > > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous

> fit,

> > > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> > > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for

me

> to

> > > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally

wanted

> > me

> > > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

> > workout

> > > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out.

And

> > > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

> > when

> > > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> > > wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I

> did!

> > >

> > > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I

mean,

> > > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I

appreciate

> > all

> > > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is

> fail.

> > > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> > > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to

the

> > non-

> > > fat team.

> > >

> > > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

> > >

> > > Francisco

> > > steadfastly refusing to fail

[Guest guest]

Tamara--

you can call me and tell me your WL Success! Ill be your surrogate

sister, since we were surgery sisters anyway!

i have 3 sisters- we are all larger, i was the largest though-

so far everyone is supportive, and intrigued

we dont talk all the time anyway, we are all scattered about- but, i

think they will be supportive of me when i hit goal...

sarah

> > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> >

> > Have you had anything like this happen?

> >

> > A now former friend (he is boardering on being morbidly obese)and

> I

> > had another disagreement, and I've decided that this is just the

> last

> > straw.

> >

> > After this little disagreement, I was sitting here mulling it

> over.

> > He said that the last year has been all about me, and that I

> haven't

> > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That is such needy crap,

> > and I just don't agree.

> >

> > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat friend. All of my fat

> > friends have turned their backs on me in some sort of jealous fit,

> > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What the hell was I

> > supposed to give back? I think what he really wanted was for me to

> > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He originally wanted

> me

> > to be his food police (I refused), and he wanted me to be his

> workout

> > buddy, but he didn't want to get up at 5:00 AM to work out. And

> > quite frankly, I didn't have the energy to " carry " someone else

> when

> > I really have to make an effort all on my own. I figure, if he

> > wanted to exercise, he'd stop making excuses and just do it. I did!

> >

> > Hmmm... it's not that I don't get along with fat people (I mean,

> > part of me in my mind is still morbidly obese), and I appreciate

> all

> > of you here regardless of your size, but what I won't do is fail.

> > And I won't put up with sabotage crap from friends (or former

> > friends) who really hate that I've gone from the fat team to the

> non-

> > fat team.

> >

> > OK, I'm done ranting. Does this make sense to anyone?

> >

> > Francisco

> > steadfastly refusing to fail

>

>

>

>

>