From Factora: The first time I realized I was fat

[Guest guest]

I think meant this to go to the ds list, so I am forwarding it

for her.

The first time I realized I was fat

Hey girls and boys. I can't pinpoint an exact time when I realized that I

was abnormal or fat. I gradually gained weight through my entire

childhood, teens and 20's. When I was about 24, I lost 85 pounds and got

down to 180 or so for a very brief time and I remember hat wonderful

feeling still. I'm 31 now and do not want to spend my entire 30's gaining

as I did before. I was always lucky growing up to have incredible friends

who didn't give a damn about my weight. My best friemds now are the ones I

made in grammer school adn high school. I went to all the dances (but

usually with guy " friends " ) and my relationships always grew from what was

a friendship first. It always took them a while to look past the fat and

realize I was a fab person regardless.

Once I went off to college in San Diego, things got a little more

difficult. Everyone was blond and thin and I was neither. I lasted one

semester there, went to community college and then got my degree after two

years at Long Beach State. There is one specific incident I remember that

really hurt me to the core. As if going to the gynecologist isn't bad

enough, I had my yearly checkup (this is probably 8 years or so ago), and

after the checkup as I'm still sitting there naked, my gyno (a female)

says to me " You have such a pretty face it's too bad your so fat " . In

those exact words. I was so shocked I didn't say a thing. I left that

office, called her on the phone and told her ass off. How unprofessional

can you be? I asked for my records adn have since been going to a

wonderful gyno (a man) that has never once mentioned my weight. When I

think about it even now, I get fired up.

Another thing I've done for years (and tell me if you guys so this too) is

that when I see a heavy or obese person, I think to myself " Am I that

fat? " or " Do I look like that? I wonder if they weigh less or more than

me " . I don't feel fat on the inside, but externally when I can't fit into

a seat, etc..I'm forced to face reality. Lately, if I catch a glimpse of

my reflection in a window or something, I don't recognize myself. Ok, I'm

babbling. Just wanted to put a few thoughts out there.

Jenn

Pre-op, Dr. Anthone

326 lbs

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