Weight loss rate and French men issues...

[Guest guest]

Hey guys...

OK, so here's the thing. Perspective, I need perspective. In any

event, I am at 207 today. It has been five and a half weeks since my

surgery. I weighed in at 235.5 the day of the surgery. SO, that's

28.5 lbs...about an average of five a week. So why do I feel like

this is going SLOWLY?

I read the obesityhelp.com before and after things, and it seems like

other people are losing so much faster than I am. And yes, I know

that part of it is that many of these folks are only doing liquid

protein beforehand...and didn't have to lose weight beforehand, so

they are losing more water weight initially. I know that, and yet I

worry.

To add bizarro fuel to my neurosis...so the other Frenchy, the one

that broke my heart (Olivier)...called me again. Twice in the last

few weeks. He seems to be jealous of , although in his standard

non-committal way, he just keeps telling me to " slow down " and " take

your time " ...so, he could just be a " concerned friend " . Who knows?

HOWEVER, when I mentioned that was coming to see me in

October...he suddenly tells me that HE is coming in September, the

month before.

ANd not only did he SAY that...he actually has a ticket! Oy. His

buddy is coming, too...and they are going to be in Las vegas for part

of that time...maybe his friend will be in LV for the whole time, I

don't know...but he hasn't asked to stay with me. For all I know,

he's ASSUMING. Or, shoot...maybe he isn't going to even see me,

although I doubt it. His, " Well I'm coming in September " was

immediately, and I mean immediately following my announcement that

is coming in October. And in fact, he booked his flight just

moments after our telephone conversation.

ARGHHHHHH. is sweet, romantic, handsome, talented, intelligent,

seemingly hot hot hot and crazy madly in love with me. Olivier is

even more handsome, sweet, smart and funny...tender...but not

terribly romantic, at least not towards me, has been somewhat

resistant in some ways, afraid of " us " afraid to be vulnerable (for

incredibly good reasons: we met while we were both married...and

he's been through the ringer in the last few years: sister committed

suicide, best friend died of cancer, other best friend killed in car

crash, mom diagnosed with cancer, father had massive heart attack, he

was mugged...oh and all on top of the fact that he was hit by a drunk

driver while on a motorcycle a couple of years before I met him.

That left him with a paralyzed arm, in a coma for a year, a rehab

hospital for the year after that while he learned to walk and talk

again...and stripped his career away from him. Oh, and did I mention

he went through a divorce, too.) So, he's got a lot of fear, and may

be permanently damaged as a result of all of this horror.

But I loved him, madly, for four and a half years. Madly. Like I've

never loved anyone before.

And so...I kinda of HAVE to see him...I don't think I could handle

NOT seeing him...but I don't want him to turn my head...and I think

he ruined everything when he told me he wasn't attracted to me (which

I knew was utter crap, but I also knew he was obviously wanting to

push me away, so I took the hint and left.) He feels inadequate

because of the finances, because I'm a successful attorney, blah blah

blah...he has nothing to offer, etc...blah blah blah. (Although his

race horse has been winning lately, and things are turning around for

him. Yes, he owns a race horse. Don't ask.)

oy.

Anyway...so the thing is...whether we get together or not (I doubt

it...it would be very hard for him to compete with , who appears

to be healthy and is totally crazy about me) I want to look great.

And I know I'm looking better already. So here's the think...I have

a bit more than six weeks (I think) until Olivier descends. Darn

it!! I want to lose another 25 lbs. in the next six weeks. Am I

dreaming???

Oy. Can I just say...oy?!?!?! He drives me insane...but he

said, " You know you still love me, Robynn...you have to still love

me. Why are you rushing into something else? Why??? " (Note how he

didn't say, " And I still love you...we have something here...let's

not lose it. Wait for me. " ) The thing is, I'm still vulnerable to

him, I know I am. Pam knows I am.

Oy.

How much weight can I lose?!?!?! I tried that stupid weightloss

calculator, and it looks like a total of 48 lbs. if I'm lucky. Oy.

Robynn