Re: To from Ruth

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Thank you for your meaningful message. I have been both divorce and

widowed and there have been moments when I think divorce is worse.

How can I say that? Because my husband, has never left me

spititually. He is always with me. I have had such incredible

after death experiences with . My children and grandchilren

have them also. I have even written a short story about them.

There are way too many of them to go into here. I miss him everyday

of my life and will for the rest of my days. We met in our early

forties and so we though we'd make up for not meeting when we were

young by spending our golden years together. He was only 53 when

our dentist found a sore in his throat. He had never smoked and was

not a drinker but he had throat cancer. He had major neck resection

at a Hospital in Louisville, radiation and at least 5-6 different

chemos as well as two clinical trials. Drs gave him 18 months and

he lived 3 1/2 years. I was a physician's assistance so I was able

to take care of him and that was a blessing. We were together 24/7

and it was such a special time for us. We talked at length about

his dying and giving up the fight when the time came. He promised

my daughter (his stepdaughter) to live until her baby was born...Of

course we knew he was dying, but after he went to hospital to see

the baby - he went into a coma and died just 18 hours later. This

child who only saw him once - when she was 24 hours old - looks at

pictures of him and calls him her D-Paw (without any prompting from

us).

I had Sarcoid for many years while we were married but thankfully it

didn't get really bad until about 18 months ago. On my worst days I

lay in bed and can feel 's hand on my shoulder.

I am sorry for your difficulty with your marriage. Illness can

certianly do that to you. I alway tried to make feel that he

was the same person I fell in love with even with all the physical

changes, but I know there were times when I was doing the medical

things for him that I probably thought of what life would have been

like if he weren't sick. You not only loose you health, but all the

dreams and plans get so changed.

I truely believe that all things are possible with prayer. I have

most always had a good strong relationship with our Heavenly Father,

but it has become so much stronger the last 3 years. My church

family was there just as strongly as my personal family. When I

said I was going to lock the front door and throw away the

key....they called and kept calling until I figured I'd go back to

church just to keep them from calling me. Within months I was asked

to take a position in the church when allowed me to not only stay

busy but to get to know a lot of people.

Three years ago I would not have ever thought it was possible that

at this time in my life I could say I am a happy person again. It

would be nice to say happy and healthy...but I'll settle right now

for happy and feeling better.

I have to say again that it was only when I accepted my illness and

shared the details of it with others that others started accepting

me for just who I am. Don't mis-understand. I HATE THIS ALFUL

DISEASE and what it has taken from me. BUT..this what I have to

work with.

Now when someone askes " how are you " I simply reply.. " I am doing the

best I can ... The best I can is after all all the Lord asks of me.

Sorry to have gone on and on. I hope the relgious notes are not too

much...but I couldn't have relied to this message without including

them.

I am very thankful for your long distance friendship. Just having

someone to share thoughts with is a real blessing

Prayers...

Ruth