RE: update on kim, moish

[Guest guest]

dear moish, thank you for your concern and takng time to write. i wish at this point that things were as simple as returning to the states just like that and gettng treatment/care. its all so twisted and complicated now. we cant keep going back and forth between here and there, we dont have money for it. i cant possibly even think / consider to leave even one of my kids here withoiut me, and there are four here with us now. and we have to have the money to get back home and a place to stay when we get there and place that will allow the kids and household to run at least semi-smoothly, at least function. i have been , its weird to say it, but i guess bed ridden, for the past year. i cant do anything at all with out going into seizures, tias, horrid pain, setting off disease flares worse than i have now. i have reached a point that i have been in denial about for a

very long time. its just spiriling now. i dont know if we will get back to the states this summer or not, i was hoping so for a good 3-4 months, to be near the older kids. i know what you mean about the way they are with women and maybe just not wanting to treat me at this point. i mean imagine if they had just lifted my shirt and looked at my actual skin instead of being so islamically correct and not looking at me, they would have seen something im sure and known what was wrong. there are many drs in the er at the hospital, er drs now im talking about, who see me there and literally speak in arabic to the other drs and skip over me, wont have a thing to do with me. will say to each other, im not touching that one, no no no i dont want anything to do with her case, or that one no shes big problem case. things like this, leave her for medical ward drs. somehow,

though what htey are saying i think is that my case is too complicated for htem and needs treated by neurology and they arent going to get involved, it is humiliating and makes me feel stupid and degraded when i go in for something like pain and the er dr wont even look at my intake papers. but this doesnt only happen here i guess, last year in the states, i went to a veryi very well known pain clinic in our area, i waited weeks for the appt. and when i went the rheumy scheduled xrays and such and when i went back, he told me patting me on my knee, he didnt treat neurosarc, to go find myself a specialist, there was nothing he could do for me at all. even after i told him i just wanted alternative ways to deal with the pain . he still wouldnt take me on as a patient. its pathetic.i hate this disease. but i also feel now like i cant tell drs whats really happening to me, not all of it anyway. espeically

neurologically. i will only focus on the most bothering thing and ignore the rest. even during their tests of sharp or not, or whatever, i feel inclined to lie. to avoid being labeled nuts and just be treated. I know too that my dr has physically removed himself from my case yet his name is still on my files and tests, but he wont see me. this is the most frustrating thing to me of anything. maybe its me i just dont understand the system and how they all work togehter one for the other?? i have certainly been in so much pain with this shingles, its second only to the jaw / facial pain i have had in the past. maybe coming in a tie with the natural child birth. especially before it broke out. it was literally that bad. i am used to severe pain , espeically in my spine and the base of it, and to a lessor degree and different type in my leg muscles and my

small joints, i have never cried from it. i was crying uncontrollabley and unable to move from these shingles, the pain coming off the side of my spine all the way through my abdomen. which is why they thought gallbladder i think. my jaw /facial pain i have literally screamed out and almost blacked out the attacks were so severe. so yes i understand when you say you couldnt walk or move and your son had to carry you to your bed. i hope you never have to have them again. god willing we will both find answers soon, a shame there is so much money around, and so little of goes to the medical system. take care and god bless, kim

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