The kindness of strangers

[Guest guest]

It's been a little while since I have chimed in. I have been on SCD for 1 yr

and a month. I am off Prednisone as of 7/16/09 (I was on it at various doses,

but mainly 10 mg and lower for about nine months). I still take Asacol 400 mg

3x a day and Imipramine 20 mg in the eve (an old school antidepressant drug that

my GI tells me help with the mind gut connection - it's supposed to make me

less stressed or something). I still have about 6 BMs a day but that I think is

because I struggle with eating late at night. I have found that if I wake up

and have some weak, iced coffee to wake my system up and then wait till about 11

and have something easy to digest (like a buffalo/lean beef patty with some

cheddar and Romano cheese) and then wait another couple hours before have well

cooked zucchini or bell peppers and more protein then I am good…if I eat past 6

pm I can expect to get up in the middle of the night as it appears my digestions

tends to slow down any time after that. I do a lot of tango and walking and I

work as a fine dining server part time…one of these three in the eves so when I

come home I have worked up an appetite. If the day has been stressful (as it

often can be), I find it harder not to give in to feeling hungry and eating

something at midnight. Even though I know I will get up likely 304 times in the

night when I do this, I give in – it's hard, but I keep trying.

Last night I was expecially bad and added cheese to the late night meat patty

that I would prepare to myself – cheese, cheese and more cheese – maybe about ½

a cup between the Romano and Cheddar...I eat about 23 items still…dry wine seems

to be one of them I can tolerate and let's say after a long, stressful day in my

professional life my judgment was less than where it normally was. Sure enough

I was up several times throughout the night.

I tried to push the envelope with the cheese and it apparently had the intention

of reminding me that I cannot cross the line today, as the effects still

lingered and now at 6:30 pm I am up to 8 BMs for the day. " So what's the

point, " you might ask – well I am getting to that. See even though I knew I was

a little worse off today because of my late night choices, I decided to be in

denial about how that would affect my activities today. I attempted to carry on

with my business as usual and did not do a very good job of taking into

consideration that I was a little more " frail " than normal, and that a bathroom

location might be a good idea for me today…especially when I was in the crowded

shopping mall. I was walking a long and mother nature called with a vengeance.

Frantic, I asked a pretzel guy where I could find a bathroom – his English was

so poor – I just nodded and said thanks not knowing where I was to go. Time

was running out, my stomach gurgling. I remember this pretzel guy mentioning

something about mother goose and I saw a store that said that…located the

bathroom – success – I beat the odds – hurried but feeling proud of my

resourcefulness I went to the ladies room…all the stalls taken…by a lady with

all three of her kids, playing in the stalls – I tried to tell her I needed a

bathroom – another English barrier CRAP, a blank stare – how do I manage…too

late – one stall opens and I soiled myself halfway in and out of the stall. The

next 45 minutes were an " experience. " I really made a mess and there was no

toilet paper, my shoes and shorts where in bad shape – I was feeling sorry for

myself. I tried to call mall security with my phone but the phone coverage was

bad in the stall. The kids who were in the bathroom prior to me used the last

of the toilet paper so I was doing my best to clean myself up with the seat

covers I had to work with. The public came and went on the stalls to either

side of me – some commenting on how horrible the smell was in the bathrooms – I

felt humiliated – I was surprised no one blatantly called out that the problem

was coming from the middle stall – my MacGyver capabilities to hide my incident

seemed to work. I heard a woman come in with her kids – she felt safe enough of

a person that I cracked the door and asked if she could call security – I told

her that I had a digestive condition and that I had an accident. This lady

turned out to be a nurse who had just moved here from N Carolina days before

(ya, I was feeling like quite the ambassador of the Portland, Oregon populous).

She seemed willing to help me when she littlerally yanked the entire roll of

toilet paper from the next stall which took some work – I felt brace enough to

ask her if she would buy me some shorts so I could make it out of the mall with

my dignity - she disappeared. I continued to get the comments from either

stall and did my best to wash my shoes in the toilet water telling myself that

if I were in a third world country the filth I was experiencing could be

common-place. was her name – and she appeared with some funny

basketball shorts for me, but hey they were on sale so I appreciated her not

buying me a pair of designer jeans. She also got me a towel so that I could

clean myself up. I told her that if she just wanted to write down her contact

name I would send her a check – she refuse and wanted to wait to make sure I was

ok. I came out and she walked out with me from the bathroom – she had another

woman with her and two kids . She stopped her day…for me! A random stranger!

She did not even want to take a check for the clothing, but I insisted. We went

our separate ways – she wished me well. This condition has taught me many

things, and today I am reminded how I have shifted my attention to different

things. A year ago I would have felt sorry for myself and never saw what I saw

today – I saw the kindness of a stranger. I saw a few things that I can do

different in the future( like having a bilingual note that I can give to people

when I am in a crisis), I saw that there are good deals on shorts at Ross Dress

for less (ok, I am teasing on that one). This woman helped me to not focus on

me feeling sorry for myself. As I drove home I looked at the public with softer

eyes. I really do think people, while they can be cruel at times (like the

people in the stalls next to me complaining) – I really do think it was naivety

and/or unintentional – I really do believe that the majority of people are kind

and would be willing to step up when they can. As awkward and inconvenient as

this experience was today, I am glad to have had the situation happen to me. I

am proud of how resourceful I was and while I may not always have things work

out in my favor, I am reminded that I am not a bad person that should be

quarantined because I have Ulcerative Colitis – I was treated like a human being

today – and so I should. I am more than just my temperamental colon…and I was

humbled today for someone else noticing me as such.

Aiazeen