a great new diet--for women only

[Guest guest]

Women's Mid-Life Crisis

=======================

I can almost feel myself losing weight...

by forwarding this to you!

(You'll understand at the end.)

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-

life is a great time for women. Even Oprah had a whole show on

how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few

thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you.

Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing

your luck) you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.

This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired

mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans.

We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying

squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and

you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that

this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a

tube top and scream, " Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell

and those will too. "

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and

we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, cell phone,

beeper-wearing teenager and think: " For this I have stretch

marks? "

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we

can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand

McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map

of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start

pondering the " big " questions. What is life? Why am I here?

How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no

longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is

important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins

double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would

any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body

you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand

to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my

philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.

Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will

lose 10 pounds.

If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.

(That's why I had to pass this on - No way am I risking deleting

this!)