3 years and everything has changed

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone:

A dear friend of mine for 24 years is in the beginning stages of

getting approved for gastric bypass surgery. She wrote me today to

tell me that she's starting the process, and here is my message to

her. Hopefully, it will help any of you newbies out there:

*****

OMG! Congratulations! It is SOOOOOO coincidental that you deliver

this news to me today. Three years ago today, I went to my PCP to be

referred to Kaiser's bariatric program. I know that this is not for

everyone, but when you decide it's for you, you will have my support

regardless of where this path takes you.

Yes, of course, you can count on me to answer any questions you might

have. And if you want someone to attend a support group meeting with

you (as a support person), I'd be happy to do so.

You know, my journey has been such an odyssey. Everything,

everything has changed in my life. It's not been easy, but I am so

worth it. And I know that you are too. You will have to accept

that: nothing in your life will change except everything.

Be prepared for opposition because you are confronting an issue that

runs deep with overweight people, particularly the morbidly obese. I

lost 3 friends (all morbidly obese), but I gained so much more. My

life is full in ways I only dreamed of: square dancing, marathon

training, church activities, dates, dates and more dates. I'm not

afraid to connect with new people. While I'm not the life of the

party (that's not my style), I look forward to dates and connections

as an opportunity to connect with others. If someone doesn't like

me, oh well, no problem; I still like me. And the connections I have

to others is what bring me joy. I no longer live in the isolation

imposed by myself. I am no longer a prisoner to my own body. I am

free. My life used to center around chores and TV. Now I have no

time for TV because my life is more interesting than anything on TV.

Chores now take a fraction of the time because I have so much more

energy.

And regarding dates, you're going to need to get a grip on one

thing. You are beautiful as you are, right now. However, as you get

closer to society's ideal, I think men will pay more attention to you

than you might be used to (it's happened to me in a big way). Your

beauty will increase because you'll feel so wonderful physically and

emotionally. My PCP said that as I got closer to goal weight, I

became radiant. It's the glow of good health and self love. The

combination is all-empowering. It still doesn't register to me that

I'm " all that. " I've never judged myself based on appearance. But

lots of men see something in me that isn't common. You've got it

too: courage. And courage is not the absence of fear; it's walking

through that fear to get what you want.

I can't believe how many dates I've been on in the months since Zach

and I broke up (did I forget to tell you that and I broke

up?....anyway...). I'm currently dating a doctor (Joe), a lawyer

(Don), a PR exec (), and Mark (heath care researcher). Don has

been amazing and is making me think long and hard about where I want

to be in a few years. He's been hitting all the right notes, and

he's told me he's looking for someone to co-parent a child with him.

He's just starting the process of international adoption, but that

will take a few years. Since we've started seeing each other, he's

shown me his home (OMG, like a museum--original artwork, tapestries

and paintings throughout, so stylish) and we've had long

conversations about the future. He treats me wonderfully, and pays

attention to the little details like holding my hand under the table

or touching the small of my back as we walk. He's also talked about

cutting down the number of hours he works to more fully devote time

to a partner and a child.

I've always wanted a child, but Zach would not consider it. With

Don, it would be financially do-able to raise a child in the way I'd

want to. (God, how would I restrain myself from spoiling her

rotten?) However, I still need some time because I want to be single

and (for lack of a better way to express it) play the field for a

while. But never in a million years did I think that I'd have these

kind of opportunities just three years ago. Who would have believed

that I'd run a half marathon? I never would have believed that I'd

enjoy running. Me? A runner? But it's now true.

Freedom will bring you joy and challenges that you cannot yet

anticipate. However, it will be the best thing you ever did for

yourself. As a wise psychologist said to me, " The price of freedom

is dear, but its fruit is delicious. " And baby, it's high time I

tasted some of that fruit. It's high time you did too.

Best of luck to you. As always, you're in my prayers.

****

Thanks for reading, people. I hope you're all doing well.

Francisco