The first time I realized I was fat

April 25, 2001

Hey girls and boys. I can't pinpoint an exact time when I realized that I

was abnormal or fat. I gradually gained weight through my entire childhood,

teens and 20's. When I was about 24, I lost 85 pounds and got down to 180 or

so for a very brief time and I remember hat wonderful feeling still. I'm 31

now and do not want to spend my entire 30's gaining as I did before. I was

always lucky growing up to have incredible friends who didn't give a damn

about my weight. My best friemds now are the ones I made in grammer school

adn high school. I went to all the dances (but usually with guy " friends " )

and my relationships always grew from what was a friendship first. It always

took them a while to look past the fat and realize I was a fab person

regardless.

Once I went off to college in San Diego, things got a little more difficult.

Everyone was blond and thin and I was neither. I lasted one semester there,

went to community college and then got my degree after two years at Long

Beach State. There is one specific incident I remember that really hurt me

to the core. As if going to the gynecologist isn't bad enough, I had my

yearly checkup (this is probably 8 years or so ago), and after the checkup

as I'm still sitting there naked, my gyno (a female) says to me " You have

such a pretty face it's too bad your so fat " . In those exact words. I was so

shocked I didn't say a thing. I left that office, called her on the phone

and told her ass off. How unprofessional can you be? I asked for my records

adn have since been going to a wonderful gyno (a man) that has never once

mentioned my weight. When I think about it even now, I get fired up.

Another thing I've done for years (and tell me if you guys so this too) is

that when I see a heavy or obese person, I think to myself " Am I that fat? "

or " Do I look like that? I wonder if they weigh less or more than me " . I

don't feel fat on the inside, but externally when I can't fit into a seat,

etc..I'm forced to face reality. Lately, if I catch a glimpse of my

reflection in a window or something, I don't recognize myself. Ok, I'm

babbling. Just wanted to put a few thoughts out there.

Jenn

Pre-op, Dr. Anthone

326 lbs

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