Off topic....something cute

[Guest guest]

My sister sent this to me to make me laugh, and it honestly worked!

Thought I would pass it along to all of you, to perhaps brighten your day

just a little more.

> MOMENTS OF ZEN

>

> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,

> for I may not follow.

> Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

>

> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a

> leaky tire.

>

> 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your

> neighbor's newspaper, that's

> the time to do it.

>

> 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

>

> 5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

>

> 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

>

> 7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a

> warning to others.

>

> 8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car

> payments.

>

> 9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

> That way, when

> you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

>

> 10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

>

> 11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

> Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

>

> 12. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was

> probably worth it.

>

> 13. Don't squat with your spurs on.

>

> 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

>

> 15. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

>

> 16. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

>

> 17. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

>

> 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put

> it back in your pocket.

>

> 19. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

>

> 20. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

>

> 21. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and

> it holds the universe together.

>

> 22. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

>