Guest guest Posted July 7, 2001 Report Share Posted July 7, 2001 We had our first just before Christmas and I will never forget feeling heartbroken that all our unmarried friends were down the pub and I wasn't and that they couldn't be bothered to come and see me. Some old friends of s came over for dinner and we killed ourselves coooking and cleaning for them and then they left after an hour saying they didn't want to overtire us - after all that flaming effort I wanted adult company and conversation especially as I was having a grim time. I guess we are all different and its helpful to be able to communicate your needs at the time rather than feeling upset when you get overwhelmed with people or miserable cos everyone tactfully leaves you alone. Mind you, I do sometimes suggest to classes that no-one would be busting to see your new spouse on your honeymoon and perhaps we should view new parenthood in the same way )) Lesley ANT, tr BFC, Mother, Wife, Friend, Mender of Broken Hearts, Keeper of Secrets, Chauffeur, Cook, Maid, Writer. Overweight, Over thirty, Over here in Worthing.. " Believing Oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind! " Star Trek. Re: Visiting a New Baby > > > > I would only want to have a visit from friends once I was feeling > > recovered from the birth and the b/feeding was under way, and then not > > when b/feeding as wanted to get the positioning right....and only if > > they were willing to muck in making tea etc if no one else was there > > to do it. I do really feel that in the very early days it's a fragile > > situation and the mother and babe's needs to have rest should be > > paramount. I even think that if there are difficult relationships > > with inflaws etc that they should be held off for at least the first > > few days but that's a difficult one - I think the mothers and babies > > needs must come first. > > > > With DS I took him out to lunch in the Maids of Honour tearoom at Kew > > when 10 days old, and afterwards went and fed him in Kew Gardens but > > some Japanese ladies in the Maids of Honour were really shocked that > > he was taken outside the house before 4 weeks, and that I was up and > > out so early. > > > > Likewise my SIL's private midwife asked her to stay upstairs for 10 > > days, and restricted visitors to 10 mins each and only if she was up > > to it and not b/feeding - and I think number of visitors was > > restricted. The visitors were directed to doing housework and washing > > folding etc if they wanted to stay longer. It sounds very strict - > > but it was in a spirit of peacefulness and serenity which you could > > really feel in the house - and SIL said that she felt *so* much better > > when she did emerge into the world than with her first when she tried > > to muddle through right from the day after the birth. The stairs > > restriction was I think to aid healing of the perineum and pelvic > > floor. > > > > I know it is very tempting to want to see a very young baby, but each > > visitor is so very tiring even if it is very special. With my first, > > people sent flowers and cards at the time - so I had her few early > > precious days surrounded with festive flowers and peacefulness, it was > > lovely - then felt really happy to receive more people after about a > > week. (grandparents and uncles had visited very early, but briefly). > > I feel to see a very young baby is a great privilege, but it is a > > special and private time. Also a Caesarian is a major operation on > > top of the exhaustion of nights. Perhaps it's because I'm virtually > > geriatric that I feel this, maybe twenty-somethings bounce back faster > > after birth and sleepless nights!!! But it was something that was > > covered in our ante-natal classes - that visitors needed to be kept in > > their (honoured) places!! ;-) > > Do other people feel very different? > > > > Caro > > Cranleigh > > I feel different, because with my third I had a home birth, and in those first few euphoric days none of my friends on my street popped in. I had had a fast, straightforward birth and wanted to show him off to my friends. I actually felt a bit hurt because they all kept away. Eventually on day four I walked my son to school so that I could see some people! Everyone is different obviously, but I felt ready for short visits quite early. > > Lucy > SAHM to 6, 4 4months > Advertising and Fundraising, Derby & District branch > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2001 Report Share Posted July 7, 2001 We had our first just before Christmas and I will never forget feeling heartbroken that all our unmarried friends were down the pub and I wasn't and that they couldn't be bothered to come and see me. Some old friends of s came over for dinner and we killed ourselves coooking and cleaning for them and then they left after an hour saying they didn't want to overtire us - after all that flaming effort I wanted adult company and conversation especially as I was having a grim time. I guess we are all different and its helpful to be able to communicate your needs at the time rather than feeling upset when you get overwhelmed with people or miserable cos everyone tactfully leaves you alone. Mind you, I do sometimes suggest to classes that no-one would be busting to see your new spouse on your honeymoon and perhaps we should view new parenthood in the same way )) Lesley ANT, tr BFC, Mother, Wife, Friend, Mender of Broken Hearts, Keeper of Secrets, Chauffeur, Cook, Maid, Writer. Overweight, Over thirty, Over here in Worthing.. " Believing Oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind! " Star Trek. Re: Visiting a New Baby > > > > I would only want to have a visit from friends once I was feeling > > recovered from the birth and the b/feeding was under way, and then not > > when b/feeding as wanted to get the positioning right....and only if > > they were willing to muck in making tea etc if no one else was there > > to do it. I do really feel that in the very early days it's a fragile > > situation and the mother and babe's needs to have rest should be > > paramount. I even think that if there are difficult relationships > > with inflaws etc that they should be held off for at least the first > > few days but that's a difficult one - I think the mothers and babies > > needs must come first. > > > > With DS I took him out to lunch in the Maids of Honour tearoom at Kew > > when 10 days old, and afterwards went and fed him in Kew Gardens but > > some Japanese ladies in the Maids of Honour were really shocked that > > he was taken outside the house before 4 weeks, and that I was up and > > out so early. > > > > Likewise my SIL's private midwife asked her to stay upstairs for 10 > > days, and restricted visitors to 10 mins each and only if she was up > > to it and not b/feeding - and I think number of visitors was > > restricted. The visitors were directed to doing housework and washing > > folding etc if they wanted to stay longer. It sounds very strict - > > but it was in a spirit of peacefulness and serenity which you could > > really feel in the house - and SIL said that she felt *so* much better > > when she did emerge into the world than with her first when she tried > > to muddle through right from the day after the birth. The stairs > > restriction was I think to aid healing of the perineum and pelvic > > floor. > > > > I know it is very tempting to want to see a very young baby, but each > > visitor is so very tiring even if it is very special. With my first, > > people sent flowers and cards at the time - so I had her few early > > precious days surrounded with festive flowers and peacefulness, it was > > lovely - then felt really happy to receive more people after about a > > week. (grandparents and uncles had visited very early, but briefly). > > I feel to see a very young baby is a great privilege, but it is a > > special and private time. Also a Caesarian is a major operation on > > top of the exhaustion of nights. Perhaps it's because I'm virtually > > geriatric that I feel this, maybe twenty-somethings bounce back faster > > after birth and sleepless nights!!! But it was something that was > > covered in our ante-natal classes - that visitors needed to be kept in > > their (honoured) places!! ;-) > > Do other people feel very different? > > > > Caro > > Cranleigh > > I feel different, because with my third I had a home birth, and in those first few euphoric days none of my friends on my street popped in. I had had a fast, straightforward birth and wanted to show him off to my friends. I actually felt a bit hurt because they all kept away. Eventually on day four I walked my son to school so that I could see some people! Everyone is different obviously, but I felt ready for short visits quite early. > > Lucy > SAHM to 6, 4 4months > Advertising and Fundraising, Derby & District branch > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2001 Report Share Posted July 7, 2001 > I feel different, because with my third I had a home birth, and in those first few euphoric days none of my friends on my street popped in. I had had a fast, straightforward birth and wanted to show him off to my friends. I actually felt a bit hurt because they all kept away. Eventually on day four I walked my son to school so that I could see some people! Everyone is different obviously, but I felt ready for short visits quite early.<< I had the same thing with my 2nd. Came out of hospital after just one night and NOBODY came round. Two days later, still nobody, not even family! Baby blues hit next day (Saturday) and I sobbed in bed telling dh that nobody cared about me or the baby. He phoned around - my mum was going to a market, my sister was going shopping (uncaring lot) but finally got one of my friends who was thrilled to be asked round as one of the first people to see the baby. She turned up with a huge bunch of flowers and stayed all morning. Made me feel much better. I have always been happy to have visitors, but mainly because I found not many people bothered coming round! Those that did always came when dh was there, when I would much rather have had them when I was on my own and in need of company. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2001 Report Share Posted July 7, 2001 > I feel different, because with my third I had a home birth, and in those first few euphoric days none of my friends on my street popped in. I had had a fast, straightforward birth and wanted to show him off to my friends. I actually felt a bit hurt because they all kept away. Eventually on day four I walked my son to school so that I could see some people! Everyone is different obviously, but I felt ready for short visits quite early.<< I had the same thing with my 2nd. Came out of hospital after just one night and NOBODY came round. Two days later, still nobody, not even family! Baby blues hit next day (Saturday) and I sobbed in bed telling dh that nobody cared about me or the baby. He phoned around - my mum was going to a market, my sister was going shopping (uncaring lot) but finally got one of my friends who was thrilled to be asked round as one of the first people to see the baby. She turned up with a huge bunch of flowers and stayed all morning. Made me feel much better. I have always been happy to have visitors, but mainly because I found not many people bothered coming round! Those that did always came when dh was there, when I would much rather have had them when I was on my own and in need of company. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2001 Report Share Posted July 8, 2001 Lorraine, I had something similar. All mine were born at home, and when DS1 was born we had loads of visitors. It was brilliant because obviously I only had the one and I wanted to show him off to the world, despite being fairly knackered. There were a few who overstayed their welcome plus it wasn't always easy as there never seemed to be a gap to recharge your batteries and I don't remember people helping with washing up cups and making more tea, etc. DH did all of that I think but he was tired as well. Most people wanted to just come in and have a cuddle with the baby, and while this was lovely, I wanted to show him off while cuddling him myself! However when DS2 was born there was a noticeably subdued reaction - less cards, flowers, presents, etc. and I took it all quite personally. I felt bad at even expecting that friends should send stuff, but as we'd had so much for DS1 (and I hadn't expected that), I felt sorry for this poor little second baby (who couldn't give a stuff!!) as less people seemed to care and yet to us he was just as special as DS1 had been at the time. I didn't say much though as I suspected that my hormones might also be a little responsible for these thoughts..... With DS3s arrival 15 weeks ago we had to restrict visiting as the other two still expected life to carry on as normal so we were much more tired anyway. DH put a notice on the front door giving details of the baby, but saying " Ring the bell at your peril! " I knew who wanted to see him and called them as and when we had a spare half hour and if they didn't offer to make tea, they didn't get it! I've always had the same thoughts with each one - wanting to shout from the rooftops! - but circumstances have dictated what we've done. I know I probably should have rested a lot more than I have done each time, but as Lonnie said, it is lovely taking them out to the shops/on the school run/etc. when they're only 1 or 2 days old! Hannah Re: visiting baby I had the same thing with my 2nd. Came out of hospital after just one night and NOBODY came round. Two days later, still nobody, not even family! Baby blues hit next day (Saturday) and I sobbed in bed telling dh that nobody cared about me or the baby. He phoned around - my mum was going to a market, my sister was going shopping (uncaring lot) but finally got one of my friends who was thrilled to be asked round as one of the first people to see the baby. She turned up with a huge bunch of flowers and stayed all morning. Made me feel much better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2001 Report Share Posted July 8, 2001 Tammy has a cute idea; she has a sticker which she sticks over her doorbell only when she doesn't want visitors. It says " Mummy and baby resting; please come back later " . We are a close community and people do tend to just " pop in on my way shopping " or something, so this sorts them out Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2001 Report Share Posted July 8, 2001 Tammy has a cute idea; she has a sticker which she sticks over her doorbell only when she doesn't want visitors. It says " Mummy and baby resting; please come back later " . We are a close community and people do tend to just " pop in on my way shopping " or something, so this sorts them out Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2001 Report Share Posted July 9, 2001 In fact I was quite convinced that > nobody loved my poor little DD2 apart from me. There was such an > euphoric welcome for DD1 (first grandchild on both sides) that > anything else would have (and was) a let down for DD2. I expect the > welcome and attention gets less and less for each one though doesn't > it? I remember someone (Lynda was it?) being very upset that no-one > in DH's family had remembered her DS4's first birthday.<< I certainly found it got less and less. Each child had less attention and less presents. When DS3 was born (No. 4 in the family) my dad was on holiday and unreachable so didn't even know until he decided to phone me a week later. People have constantly forgotten DS3's birthday (really bugs me) and those that remember sometimes don't send a gift as " having 2 older brothers he already has everything " . Yes, but then what the hell is he supposed to open on his birthday???? Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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