Secret Diary 20/7/01

[Guest guest]

I sometimes wonder around this time of year why I bother rushing to

get the children to school on time. They don't do any work. The last

fortnight is entirely taken up with school rituals like photographs,

end of term party..and sports day.

I don't really enjoy sports day - even though they have abandoned the

mothers race. Having been built for comfort not speed this is one I

would avoid like the plague but even without it, sports day is still

an endurance trial. For a start they always do the younger ones in

the morning and the older ones in the afternoon. So if you have

children 3 years apart like me, you spend a whole day on a sports

field trying to keep your toddler amused.

Tip for novice parents - do not under any circumstances attempt to

retrieve your toddler as she trundles blithely across the race track

or you will get mown down by a pack of nine year old boys who will

trample over anything to get to the finish line. You should then

pretend you are not the parent of that toddler but wait until the race

is over and grab her firmly saying loudly " I'll just take you back to

mummy shall I? " This avoids the tutting and moaning from the row of

video toting fathers intent on catching every moment of little ny'

s life on celluloid.

Some of them must have been taking tips from German holidaymakers

because I swear they get up at dawn to bag a seat in the front row so

they can film and wave at little ny. Maybe I'm just jealous

because always pleads pressure of work and no annual leave

left and goes blissfully off to work!

Waving at not so little Kieran is not a good idea. He has never

really acquired a winning streak and always starts off well but gets

distracted and ends up last because he is too busy looking to see

where everyone else is, or because he spots me and stops to yell

" Hello Mummy! "

Emma, on the other hand, mustn't be waved to because its not cool when

you are 9 to admit to having a parent and waving counts as showing her

up in public, an offence punishable by endless sulking.

Strictly speaking sports day is not a competitive event. They put

them into teams so that it is the team's performance that counts.

Every child gets a sticker and is dutifully told that taking part not

winning is the important thing. No-one is fooled. Emma and Kieran

could tell you the precise order of every race result and the attitude

of the parents was stunning - I have never met such a bunch of

desperate men and women. If little ny lost he was cheated and

they went to complain. If he won he was a shining example of family

athleticism.

It's the same with reports. Everyone competes to see who has got the

best comment. Its only when you actually read two or three of these

that you realise that they are ALL good. Unless you are in a school

which provides some sort of testing, which ours doesn't, the teachers

fall over themselves to tell you how much your child has learned this

year.

I did have a bit of a smirk over Emma being described as " a delight to

have in the class " and was pleased with a description of Kieran as

" friendly and sociable " but refused to get drawn into comparisons.

Even Carys gets a report from nursery, has the world gone mad? At

three all I want her to do is be able to enjoy being with her peers.

Yet a tree was felled so that her teachers could tell me what I

already know, she is chatty and happy, recognises all her colours and

numbers and is beginning to write the letter C. I could have told

them that by the graffiti on the bathroom wall!

I try to let it all wash over me, heave a sigh of relief that we have

survived another school year and look forward to six whole weeks of

not having to get up to do the school run.

Lesley

ANT, tr BFC, Mother, Wife, Friend, Mender of Broken Hearts,

Keeper of Secrets, Chauffeur, Cook, Maid, Writer. Overweight, Over

thirty, Over here in Worthing..

" Believing Oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional

mind! " Star Trek.