Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 > > Why do people find it so embarrassing to talk to children about sex and > > growing up? > > I'm not embarrassed (as I say I'm an ANT and spend hours describing the birth > process to all sorts of people - just not yet sure that they need to know > about it. Like many things that are essentially adult in nature - children > can find frightening and bewildering. I can remember when I first found out > about periods and sex I was very scared about how it would feel etc. - and > was older than my kids are now<< I totally agree with this. I have only just discussed all the facts of life with my 8 yr old daughter. She was very mature about it all, asked questions wasn't embarrassed, but I know for a fact that if I'd mentioned periods to her, even just a year ago, she would have been horrified. When my younger children ask questions, I try to answer as briefly as I can as I really don't feel a 5 yr old has the maturity to be told the full details of an adults sex life. My 5 year knows that a baby grows from an egg in mummy's tummy but he doesn't know that daddy has anything to do with and if we do get onto that soon then he will just be told about the " special cuddle " and that is it. I know I've said before that I just think childhood is so short and it is a shame to grow them up before their time as it were. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 > > Why do people find it so embarrassing to talk to children about sex and > > growing up? > > I'm not embarrassed (as I say I'm an ANT and spend hours describing the birth > process to all sorts of people - just not yet sure that they need to know > about it. Like many things that are essentially adult in nature - children > can find frightening and bewildering. I can remember when I first found out > about periods and sex I was very scared about how it would feel etc. - and > was older than my kids are now<< I totally agree with this. I have only just discussed all the facts of life with my 8 yr old daughter. She was very mature about it all, asked questions wasn't embarrassed, but I know for a fact that if I'd mentioned periods to her, even just a year ago, she would have been horrified. When my younger children ask questions, I try to answer as briefly as I can as I really don't feel a 5 yr old has the maturity to be told the full details of an adults sex life. My 5 year knows that a baby grows from an egg in mummy's tummy but he doesn't know that daddy has anything to do with and if we do get onto that soon then he will just be told about the " special cuddle " and that is it. I know I've said before that I just think childhood is so short and it is a shame to grow them up before their time as it were. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 I totally agree with this. I have only just discussed all the facts > of life with my 8 yr old daughter. She was very mature about it all, > asked questions wasn't embarrassed, but I know for a fact that if I'd > mentioned periods to her, even just a year ago, she would have been > horrified. I told my eldest daughter (now 33) about sex when she asked. She was 9. I was as open and frank as I could be, but told her that if she had any questions, she could ask me, but in private, not in front of the younger kids. The next morning she came to me in private and said she had a question. " Of course, what is it? " I said. She looked at me, wide eyed and said : " did you do it last night? " LOL. Besides being open and frank I also teach privacy and modesty in our personal and sexual behaviour. I'm not saying there is anything wrong in walking around the house naked in front of the kids, and please accept that I am not being superior about this, just different!! but in our culture we don't do it. The most of me my kids have seen is me in my underwear and hair uncovered, and Zehava even tells me off about that! Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 > 9. I was as open and frank as I could be, but told her that if she > had any questions, she could ask me, but in private, not in front of > the younger kids. The next morning she came to me in private and said > she had a question. " Of course, what is it? " I said. >> She looked at me, wide eyed and said : " did you do it last night? " << LOL. You know I had similar with who was also nine at the time and wanted to know " how often do you do it with dad? " I came up with an answer which has stood me in good stead ever since. I basically said " I am quite happy to answer any of your questions but what goes on between your dad and I is private and I won't be discussing it with you or anybody else " . That worked a treat and is stored for future use with the others. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 Oh, I love it Lorraine. I'm going to keep this for future reference, as DS1 aged 4 is already puzzled about where he came from and where they were before he and the other children were born. I find that one very difficult - " well, , you just didn't exist! " doesn't really seem to solve his query - so am expecting loads more questions, especially with him starting at Infant School in September. Hannah Re: Re: Sex and kids LOL. You know I had similar with who was also nine at the time and wanted to know " how often do you do it with dad? " I came up with an answer which has stood me in good stead ever since. I basically said " I am quite happy to answer any of your questions but what goes on between your dad and I is private and I won't be discussing it with you or anybody else " . That worked a treat and is stored for future use with the others. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 > > > 9. I was as open and frank as I could be, but told her that if she > > had any questions, she could ask me, but in private, not in front of > > the younger kids. The next morning she came to me in private and > said > > she had a question. " Of course, what is it? " I said. > >> She looked at me, wide eyed and said : " did you do it last night? " << > > LOL. You know I had similar with who was also nine at the time > and wanted to know " how often do you do it with dad? " I came up with > an answer which has stood me in good stead ever since. I basically > said " I am quite happy to answer any of your questions but what goes > on between your dad and I is private and I won't be discussing it with > you or anybody else " . That worked a treat and is stored for future > use with the others. Lorraine that's what I said to her, I certainly didn't TELL her! LOL! Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 DS has this thing at the moment about sticking a ball/balloon/pillow under his t-shirt and saying proudly " I've got a baby in my tummy " . I think it's come from nursery as 2 of the mum's of kids in his class are pregnant. I'm starting to get odd questions now and then too, but thankfully a truthful but brief, fairly non-descript answer suffices - at least for the moment Todman Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5) Mum to , 3½ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2001 Report Share Posted July 18, 2001 DS has this thing at the moment about sticking a ball/balloon/pillow under his t-shirt and saying proudly " I've got a baby in my tummy " . I think it's come from nursery as 2 of the mum's of kids in his class are pregnant. I'm starting to get odd questions now and then too, but thankfully a truthful but brief, fairly non-descript answer suffices - at least for the moment Todman Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5) Mum to , 3½ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 You know.. Perhaps it is being Danish (sex is talked about very differently in Denmark than I have found it in England) but I do not remember ever not knowing about sex and how babies was made. In fact I remember in my kinder garden class (that is ages 5-6) that we had pictures of how a baby grew inside the mother and the very first picture was of a man and woman making love (drawing and whilst basic you could see the man having his penis inside the woman) this was considered perfectly normal and I definitely knew about it at that stage.. However even now I prefer not to know about my mothers sex life ;o)... (and lets not even get onto the subject of my father who has been married 4 times lol) I would like to think that I will answer Phoebes questions as they come and be truthful with her but as she is only 3.5 there has not been all that much of a chance though today she did get to hear the babies heartbeat ;o) then said Oh mummies tummy poorly the doctor - i.e. my midwife- have to have a look... So I don't think it really sunk in lol Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 You know.. Perhaps it is being Danish (sex is talked about very differently in Denmark than I have found it in England) but I do not remember ever not knowing about sex and how babies was made. In fact I remember in my kinder garden class (that is ages 5-6) that we had pictures of how a baby grew inside the mother and the very first picture was of a man and woman making love (drawing and whilst basic you could see the man having his penis inside the woman) this was considered perfectly normal and I definitely knew about it at that stage.. However even now I prefer not to know about my mothers sex life ;o)... (and lets not even get onto the subject of my father who has been married 4 times lol) I would like to think that I will answer Phoebes questions as they come and be truthful with her but as she is only 3.5 there has not been all that much of a chance though today she did get to hear the babies heartbeat ;o) then said Oh mummies tummy poorly the doctor - i.e. my midwife- have to have a look... So I don't think it really sunk in lol Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 >>Perhaps it is being Danish (sex is talked about very differently in Denmark than I have found it in England) but I do not remember ever not knowing about sex and how babies was made. In fact I remember in my kinder garden class (that is ages 5-6) that we had pictures of how a baby grew inside the mother and the very first picture was of a man and woman making love (drawing and whilst basic you could see the man having his penis inside the woman) this was considered perfectly normal and I definitely knew about it at that stage..<< I was the same, I don;t remember not knowing -my mum is/was a nurse & midwife and may be that helped but we also had a book when I was 4/5/6 ish called and Caroline, (have a vague recllection it may have origianlly been Scandinavian of some desription) and it had b&w line drawings of growing up, with simple text to explain, and included sex and how babies grow. I just remember accepting it and it never being a big deal. Lonnie>I would like to think that I will answer Phoebes questions as they come and be truthful with her but as she is only 3.5 there has not been all that much of a chance though today she did get to hear the babies heartbeat ;o) then said Oh mummies tummy poorly the doctor - i.e. my midwife- have to have a look... So I don't think it really sunk in lol << Georgi was only 12-21 months when I was pg with Susy, but she grasped the fact of the baby being inside me and always came to my antenatals and " helped " the m/w feel the baby and hear the hb... she loved the scan too:-) She is 3 y 8m now and is asking lots of questions, like how will the baby come out? why haven't I got a willy? I have told her that women have a special hole near their bottoms which is specially for babies to come out of, an that is what little gilrs have instead of willies, and that is fine with her. She wants to know stuff like how the baby grow and what it eats before it drinks mummy milk... so we talked about food making good things that go round in the blood to make us grow, and that includes babies inside too... she seemed to get that OK too for now!! I'd love for her to just always know at ethe right level for her , and not to have to do " big talks " !! (may be being an ANT will help....) Angi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 >>Perhaps it is being Danish (sex is talked about very differently in Denmark than I have found it in England) but I do not remember ever not knowing about sex and how babies was made. In fact I remember in my kinder garden class (that is ages 5-6) that we had pictures of how a baby grew inside the mother and the very first picture was of a man and woman making love (drawing and whilst basic you could see the man having his penis inside the woman) this was considered perfectly normal and I definitely knew about it at that stage..<< I was the same, I don;t remember not knowing -my mum is/was a nurse & midwife and may be that helped but we also had a book when I was 4/5/6 ish called and Caroline, (have a vague recllection it may have origianlly been Scandinavian of some desription) and it had b&w line drawings of growing up, with simple text to explain, and included sex and how babies grow. I just remember accepting it and it never being a big deal. Lonnie>I would like to think that I will answer Phoebes questions as they come and be truthful with her but as she is only 3.5 there has not been all that much of a chance though today she did get to hear the babies heartbeat ;o) then said Oh mummies tummy poorly the doctor - i.e. my midwife- have to have a look... So I don't think it really sunk in lol << Georgi was only 12-21 months when I was pg with Susy, but she grasped the fact of the baby being inside me and always came to my antenatals and " helped " the m/w feel the baby and hear the hb... she loved the scan too:-) She is 3 y 8m now and is asking lots of questions, like how will the baby come out? why haven't I got a willy? I have told her that women have a special hole near their bottoms which is specially for babies to come out of, an that is what little gilrs have instead of willies, and that is fine with her. She wants to know stuff like how the baby grow and what it eats before it drinks mummy milk... so we talked about food making good things that go round in the blood to make us grow, and that includes babies inside too... she seemed to get that OK too for now!! I'd love for her to just always know at ethe right level for her , and not to have to do " big talks " !! (may be being an ANT will help....) Angi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 Lonnie wrote: > In fact I remember in my kinder garden class (that is ages 5-6) that we had pictures of how a baby grew inside the mother and the very first picture was of a man and woman making love (drawing and whilst basic you could see the man having his penis inside the woman) this was considered perfectly normal and I definitely knew about it at that stage>>>>>>>>>>. One of my friends at about 14 thought that men had two penis, one for weeing and one for sex. Shows how good our sex education was at school. Thinking back the black and white drawing did sort of have the " tube " down the middle and could have been seen as two penis! Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 Lonnie wrote: > In fact I remember in my kinder garden class (that is ages 5-6) that we had pictures of how a baby grew inside the mother and the very first picture was of a man and woman making love (drawing and whilst basic you could see the man having his penis inside the woman) this was considered perfectly normal and I definitely knew about it at that stage>>>>>>>>>>. One of my friends at about 14 thought that men had two penis, one for weeing and one for sex. Shows how good our sex education was at school. Thinking back the black and white drawing did sort of have the " tube " down the middle and could have been seen as two penis! Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 Wow Angi Georgi sounds like she is really asking a lot of questions. Phoebe is just not interested in stuff like that. the biggest I get is mummy why isn't poppins wearing trousers??? Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 Wow Angi Georgi sounds like she is really asking a lot of questions. Phoebe is just not interested in stuff like that. the biggest I get is mummy why isn't poppins wearing trousers??? Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 Wow Angi Georgi sounds like she is really asking a lot of questions. Phoebe is just not interested in stuff like that. the biggest I get is mummy why isn't poppins wearing trousers??? Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 A former colleague of mine, aged about 32 and having recently given birth to her third child, once confessed something to me. She had just plucked up enough courage to ask her husband where the " bone " went to when he no longer had an erection........ Sex education. Where *would* we be without it???? DS2 has recently been asking how babies get out. So I explained that ladies have a hole between where poo comes out and where wee comes out, which is specifically for babies. He seemed very satisfied with this answer - or so I thought. He asked again today, in front of DS1 who has never shown any interest in this sort of thing. I gave the same explanation, only for DS1 to ask if he could see mine. I said that all ladies have these holes, but that they were private to each individual. He went away quite happy with this, but I await further, more detailed questions.... Alison One of my friends at about 14 thought that men had two penis, one for weeing and one for sex. Shows how good our sex education was at school. Thinking back the black and white drawing did sort of have the " tube " down the middle and could have been seen as two penis! Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2001 Report Share Posted July 19, 2001 > Sex education. Where *would* we be without it???? My older brother ensured that I knew exactly what a boy looked like! (before you ask i mean sharing baths when little etc!!) Sex was freely talked about by my mum and we had a pretty good book when we were about 5 or 6 (a Family Circle one I think). She wasn't too good about periods though..or it was probably me turning very shy when it all started when I was 14. Wasn't being an early teenager/adolescent the most horrible time? Or was it just me? Didn't help the fact that I was at a horrible school at the time where I was bullied. Interestingly my 14 year old sister is at the same school and Dad said the other day how worried they are about the school and how they are considering moving her to a local private school..which is exactly what happened to me! Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2001 Report Share Posted July 20, 2001 Sex >was freely talked about by my mum and we had a pretty good >book when we were about 5 or 6 (a Family Circle one I think). >She wasn't too good about periods though..or it was probably >me turning very shy when it all started when I was 14. >Wasn't being an early teenager/adolescent the most horrible >time? Or was it just me? Didn't help the fact that I was at a >horrible school at the time where I was bullied Caroline, this could have been written by me exactly! (inc the bullying bit!) I think our mums were probably not anyworse with periods than the rest of the stuff... but talking to an adolescent girl must be sooo much harder than talking to an inquisitive innocent 5 yo!!! Angi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2001 Report Share Posted July 20, 2001 Sex >was freely talked about by my mum and we had a pretty good >book when we were about 5 or 6 (a Family Circle one I think). >She wasn't too good about periods though..or it was probably >me turning very shy when it all started when I was 14. >Wasn't being an early teenager/adolescent the most horrible >time? Or was it just me? Didn't help the fact that I was at a >horrible school at the time where I was bullied Caroline, this could have been written by me exactly! (inc the bullying bit!) I think our mums were probably not anyworse with periods than the rest of the stuff... but talking to an adolescent girl must be sooo much harder than talking to an inquisitive innocent 5 yo!!! Angi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2001 Report Share Posted July 20, 2001 > >She wasn't too good about periods though..or it was probably > >me turning very shy when it all started when I was 14. > >Wasn't being an early teenager/adolescent the most horrible > >time? Or was it just me? > Caroline, this could have been written by me exactly! And me also! My mum covered it all with my older sister so just didn't seem to bother about me and never mentioned it - I learned all I had to learn at school. When I finally did start (age 14 so pretty late I guess) I didn't tell her as I was too shy because she had never talked to me about it. It was a good 6 mths before she found out and even then she never said much but my sister told me she was really upset that I hadn't told her, but she never came to me and said that. I can remember having lots of worries because I didn't realise you calculated your cycle from the beginning of one period to the next, I did it from the end, plus to begin with I had a 21 day cycle anyway so I was terrified because it was happening so often and I didn't think that was right. That is why I have made a point of discussing it with my daughter (now 8) and will continue to do so, plus buy her a good book once she gets to about 10 or 11 (I have seen one called " The Period Book " , anybody know what it's like?) just in case there is something she doesn't want to ask me or just to fill her in on anything I might have forgotten. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2001 Report Share Posted July 20, 2001 > >She wasn't too good about periods though..or it was probably > >me turning very shy when it all started when I was 14. > >Wasn't being an early teenager/adolescent the most horrible > >time? Or was it just me? > Caroline, this could have been written by me exactly! And me also! My mum covered it all with my older sister so just didn't seem to bother about me and never mentioned it - I learned all I had to learn at school. When I finally did start (age 14 so pretty late I guess) I didn't tell her as I was too shy because she had never talked to me about it. It was a good 6 mths before she found out and even then she never said much but my sister told me she was really upset that I hadn't told her, but she never came to me and said that. I can remember having lots of worries because I didn't realise you calculated your cycle from the beginning of one period to the next, I did it from the end, plus to begin with I had a 21 day cycle anyway so I was terrified because it was happening so often and I didn't think that was right. That is why I have made a point of discussing it with my daughter (now 8) and will continue to do so, plus buy her a good book once she gets to about 10 or 11 (I have seen one called " The Period Book " , anybody know what it's like?) just in case there is something she doesn't want to ask me or just to fill her in on anything I might have forgotten. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2001 Report Share Posted July 20, 2001 (I have seen one called " The > Period Book " , anybody know what it's like?) just in case there is > something she doesn't want to ask me or just to fill her in on > anything I might have forgotten. I haven't seen this one - but i have heard good things about it. I like 'Growing Up' which is an Usborne one. Even Sam (now 7) enjoys it! Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2001 Report Share Posted July 23, 2001 > One of my friends at about 14 thought that men had two penis, one for > weeing and one for sex. > Trisha > SAHM to 3 boys A colleague was telling us the other day about her friends son who is 16. Apparently his mother noticed that all the new underwear that she was buying was disappearing and when she confronted him about it he broke down and said that he thought he needed to go to the doctors as he obviously had a venereal disease as he had this horrible discharge at night. People thought it was very amusing but I thought it was very sad to have got to that age and have no idea of what happens to your body. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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