Being a SAHM

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 04/08/2001 06:50:06 GMT Daylight Time, DebSlater@...

writes:

> In a message dated 8/4/01 5:23:31 AM W. Australia Standard Time,Karina

> writes:

>

>

> > Still terrified of giving up work completely, of getting overtired,

> > bored, starting to live only through my children and becoming a

> > millstone around their necks, losing my financial independence which

> > I'd need for both my sake AND the kids sake if DH left me, not

> > progressing in my career, nor having any time to find a new vocation,

> > not ever being able to sort the house out, and not being able to give

> > the kids the fun and friendships they are currently getting as I'd be

> > too tired and lazy to organise having people over or going out ....

> >

>

>

OK, I am going to say it even if noone else wil....maybe you should go back

to work if you have all these worries. If a career is that important and you

feel a baby will get in the way, then think carefully about wether there is a

place in your life at this moment to have a baby. Maybe you should wait a

few years (unless already pg!)>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 04/08/2001 06:50:06 GMT Daylight Time, DebSlater@...

writes:

> In a message dated 8/4/01 5:23:31 AM W. Australia Standard Time,Karina

> writes:

>

>

> > Still terrified of giving up work completely, of getting overtired,

> > bored, starting to live only through my children and becoming a

> > millstone around their necks, losing my financial independence which

> > I'd need for both my sake AND the kids sake if DH left me, not

> > progressing in my career, nor having any time to find a new vocation,

> > not ever being able to sort the house out, and not being able to give

> > the kids the fun and friendships they are currently getting as I'd be

> > too tired and lazy to organise having people over or going out ....

> >

>

>

OK, I am going to say it even if noone else wil....maybe you should go back

to work if you have all these worries. If a career is that important and you

feel a baby will get in the way, then think carefully about wether there is a

place in your life at this moment to have a baby. Maybe you should wait a

few years (unless already pg!)>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/01 6:55:29 PM W. Australia Standard Time, Karina

writes:

> Here I feel pushed into a corner where you are either an SAHM or you are a

> " career women " (oh, what a firty word) - being a normal woman who loves her

> kids but wants to us her abilities in other ways too is not allowed. My mum

> is a doctor, and always worked - we are still very close.

>

See my other posting - being a SAHM doesn't mean you can't still be a

" career " women. I taught antenatal classes, worked on MSLC's, ran support

groups (paid), worked freelance, which meant I earned more per hour than I

ever did being employed, and dictated my own working conditions. Being a

SAHM meant that I used more of my talents - in a more constructive and

self-fulfilling way than I have ever done - as an employed person, and still

was there for the kids when they came home from school.

I think that time was the nearest I have come to " having it all " .

And as I said before - that is why I am intending to go back to it.

If you want to be with your kids - then do it.

Debbie Slater

Perth, WA

[Guest guest]

> Being a SAHM doesn't mean being any of those things - unless you let

it.

> I've been a SAHM and a full-time working Mum - and I know which I

prefer.

I've only been a SAHM mum but it hasn't meant having nothing to do

with my time. Initially i.e baby under 6mo it was quite limiting

since I travelled up and down the M1 to my parents and had no DH at

home and knew no-one then had a couple of months in NZ with DH's work,

then a couple of months in NZ with DH's family, then a couple of

months house-hunting (up and down M1 again) then became involved with

NCT, then started the main NCT list, became chair of local branch,

etc, etc. Then put DD into school only to bring her over to Oz where

I knew no-one and she didn't go to school for 3 months but there were

lots of new things for us both to explore.

Where has the time gone? She starts school in the UK in September

full-time.

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

> then had a couple of months in NZ with DH's work,

Doh, sorry. US wuth DH's work. Not that it matters really.

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

I don't agree that it's a case of " a baby getting in the way " , more of

a need for self-fulfilment.

As I said in my previous (long) post - I couldn't be a sahm, but I'm

not career-minded either (tho' I do have a professional

qualification) - so I'm not working because it's more important than

my family, or I desperately need the money (altho' it's very handy) -

its' because I enjoy it, I'm using my brain and I can be , not

" 's mum " .

P/T is often a solution to these sort of problems, but not all jobs or

employers are adaptable enough. I seem to remember its not really an

option for Karina.

We do all have to find our own way, and unfortunately nothing is black

and white.

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

[Guest guest]

I don't agree that it's a case of " a baby getting in the way " , more of

a need for self-fulfilment.

As I said in my previous (long) post - I couldn't be a sahm, but I'm

not career-minded either (tho' I do have a professional

qualification) - so I'm not working because it's more important than

my family, or I desperately need the money (altho' it's very handy) -

its' because I enjoy it, I'm using my brain and I can be , not

" 's mum " .

P/T is often a solution to these sort of problems, but not all jobs or

employers are adaptable enough. I seem to remember its not really an

option for Karina.

We do all have to find our own way, and unfortunately nothing is black

and white.

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

[Guest guest]

Debbie wrote:

> See my other posting - being a SAHM doesn't mean you can't still be a

> " career " women. I taught antenatal classes, worked on MSLC's, ran support

> groups (paid), worked freelance, which meant I earned more per hour than I

> ever did being employed, and dictated my own working conditions.

Sorry to come in on this thread so late - having problems keeping up !!

I agree with Debbie 100% on this. I went thru terrible dilemmas about

whether I should leave my well paid hard earned career. I took my full

maternity leave entitlement and then an unpaid sabbatical before I finally

found the courage to do it but I still remember the fear ... it's *the* best

decision I have made (to date!).

I love being here for Mari (and even at 17 still enjoys having me

around more) but also having the space to be able to develop things that I

never got time for before or at least I was too stressed to bother. Gethyn

and I have remembered how much we used to enjoy being together before we

were both coming home shattered, me always working late, totally exhausted

and stressed with no time for one another.

The final positive has been that I (as Debbie) have been working freelance,

earning more than I did as an employee and with total autonomy to dictate my

work-load and the freedom to turn down Projects that I don't want to work

on. Oops one negative here!! I've now put myself on *unpaid* maternity

leave

Gethyn has always been 100% supportive of whatever I choose to do which is a

definite factor in enabling me to make the 'right' decisions. Now I just

wonder why it took me so long to do it

Jenni

(& Gethyn) 17yrs, Mari 3yrs (H/B), Babi Bach exp.09/2001 = 34wks+