Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 Oh, Ruthie - how horrid! I hope you told him he was a plain little man! I think he was very insensitive, and I'd be pretty ticked off, too. I have to say, though, I wouldn't have asked what he thought - never do. If people think I'm wonderful then I assume they'll volunteer the fact. And if they don't, well then I'm too scared to find out what they *do* think... Vicki Portman http://www.plushpants.co.uk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 Now, this was his reply. What would YOU have felt if you'd received it? " Different people and different sizes that is what makes us unique. A person who has nice " perfect " figure can be really horrible to know. Peoples voices are often deceiving. I remember hearing some djs on the radio over the years and when I saw them, they were completely different to what I imagined them to be. " << To me it sounds like he is thinking that you are worried he might think you are fat so he is jumping in first to reassure you, even though you haven't even mentioned it. He wants you to know that you are still OK to him, hence the bit about people with perfect figures being horrible. So, typical male he has actually made things worse for himself but I'm sure that wasn't his intention. Well that it just my take on the situation. Even so, I don't think I'd have liked it and I agree with you that it would have been nice for him to have pointed out your good points, but some people (particularly men) don't always think like that. Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 Oh dear (((Ruthie))) I've read the other replies in this digest and agree with all of them I don't think I'd have asked the question, myself... well, I would, knowing the likely answer, and then still cried. In your shoes I would have felt exactly the same. Can I see if I can cheer you up with a couple of stories? The first concerns a colleague. She is a typical blonde bimbo in many ways, desperate to trap a man, but also desperate to appear independent and intellectual - but aware that she's a young, slim, blonde, not unattractive (unless you ask my husband, or one of his friends whose assessment was unprintable but that's another story!) woman in a heavily male-dominated world, who simpers revoltingly at her colleagues, contractors and customers. HOWEVER... she's still single at 35 (2 yrs younger than me). She took the plunge a couple of years ago and asked the guy she'd been in a relationship with for some while where he thought it was going - she told me she wanted a family one day and if she was wasting her time with this bloke she'd cut her losses before she was too old. He said he needed time to think, and after a fortnight he still hadn't answered, so she broke it off (Thank God I was in Oz on holiday for a month and missed the fallout!). Some months later she asked me when I'd met DH. When I told her she said " That's cheered me up, I THOUGHT you were quite old when you started going out with him, so there's still plenty of time for me " . Luckily I betrayed no hint of miffedness, but my lip and laughed my head off later! Not completely on all fours, I know, but we all get these things now and then... and have to grin and bear it! I was less stiff upper lipped when getting ready for a flash do with the then boyfriend and his parents and had a hair crisis and when he said " What's up? " and I said " How do you think I like having to complete with your b****y mother the whole time? " (she was a Lancome lady etc etc, very glam) he said " You have youth on your side, her looks will fade.... And she doesn't have your brains. " How I stopped myself from impaling him on the curling tongs I will never know... Does this give you a bit of empathy? (I can JUST ABOUT laugh 10 years on....) Anneliese and Toddler Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 Oh dear (((Ruthie))) I've read the other replies in this digest and agree with all of them I don't think I'd have asked the question, myself... well, I would, knowing the likely answer, and then still cried. In your shoes I would have felt exactly the same. Can I see if I can cheer you up with a couple of stories? The first concerns a colleague. She is a typical blonde bimbo in many ways, desperate to trap a man, but also desperate to appear independent and intellectual - but aware that she's a young, slim, blonde, not unattractive (unless you ask my husband, or one of his friends whose assessment was unprintable but that's another story!) woman in a heavily male-dominated world, who simpers revoltingly at her colleagues, contractors and customers. HOWEVER... she's still single at 35 (2 yrs younger than me). She took the plunge a couple of years ago and asked the guy she'd been in a relationship with for some while where he thought it was going - she told me she wanted a family one day and if she was wasting her time with this bloke she'd cut her losses before she was too old. He said he needed time to think, and after a fortnight he still hadn't answered, so she broke it off (Thank God I was in Oz on holiday for a month and missed the fallout!). Some months later she asked me when I'd met DH. When I told her she said " That's cheered me up, I THOUGHT you were quite old when you started going out with him, so there's still plenty of time for me " . Luckily I betrayed no hint of miffedness, but my lip and laughed my head off later! Not completely on all fours, I know, but we all get these things now and then... and have to grin and bear it! I was less stiff upper lipped when getting ready for a flash do with the then boyfriend and his parents and had a hair crisis and when he said " What's up? " and I said " How do you think I like having to complete with your b****y mother the whole time? " (she was a Lancome lady etc etc, very glam) he said " You have youth on your side, her looks will fade.... And she doesn't have your brains. " How I stopped myself from impaling him on the curling tongs I will never know... Does this give you a bit of empathy? (I can JUST ABOUT laugh 10 years on....) Anneliese and Toddler Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 Oh dear (((Ruthie))) I've read the other replies in this digest and agree with all of them I don't think I'd have asked the question, myself... well, I would, knowing the likely answer, and then still cried. In your shoes I would have felt exactly the same. Can I see if I can cheer you up with a couple of stories? The first concerns a colleague. She is a typical blonde bimbo in many ways, desperate to trap a man, but also desperate to appear independent and intellectual - but aware that she's a young, slim, blonde, not unattractive (unless you ask my husband, or one of his friends whose assessment was unprintable but that's another story!) woman in a heavily male-dominated world, who simpers revoltingly at her colleagues, contractors and customers. HOWEVER... she's still single at 35 (2 yrs younger than me). She took the plunge a couple of years ago and asked the guy she'd been in a relationship with for some while where he thought it was going - she told me she wanted a family one day and if she was wasting her time with this bloke she'd cut her losses before she was too old. He said he needed time to think, and after a fortnight he still hadn't answered, so she broke it off (Thank God I was in Oz on holiday for a month and missed the fallout!). Some months later she asked me when I'd met DH. When I told her she said " That's cheered me up, I THOUGHT you were quite old when you started going out with him, so there's still plenty of time for me " . Luckily I betrayed no hint of miffedness, but my lip and laughed my head off later! Not completely on all fours, I know, but we all get these things now and then... and have to grin and bear it! I was less stiff upper lipped when getting ready for a flash do with the then boyfriend and his parents and had a hair crisis and when he said " What's up? " and I said " How do you think I like having to complete with your b****y mother the whole time? " (she was a Lancome lady etc etc, very glam) he said " You have youth on your side, her looks will fade.... And she doesn't have your brains. " How I stopped myself from impaling him on the curling tongs I will never know... Does this give you a bit of empathy? (I can JUST ABOUT laugh 10 years on....) Anneliese and Toddler Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 Ruthie wrote:> > Quote: > " Okay, the gloves are > off! It is obvious that is the first thing people are going to > notice about you. Fact of life. " >>>>>>>>>>>> I don't care what size people are AS long as THEY are happy. I personally want to be a size 10 - but thats me. There are cetain large ladies who are most happy with their sizes and thats fine - I would never try to make anyone slim. I don't agree that people would notice your size first - I have been asked by my mother on several occasions if a person was black or white and I honestly had no idea - I just don't notice these things! Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 > > > Quote: > > " Okay, the gloves are > > off! It is obvious that is the first thing people are going to > > notice about you. Fact of life. " >>>>>>>>>>>> > > I don't care what size people are AS long as THEY are happy. > I personally want to be a size 10 - but thats me. There are cetain > large ladies who are most happy with their sizes and thats fine - I > would never try to make anyone slim. > I don't agree that people would notice your size first - I have been > asked by my mother on several occasions if a person was black or > white and I honestly had no idea - I just don't notice these things! > > Trisha > SAHM to 3 boys I'm not happy at all with being fat but I dont like dieting either. If a magic pill was invented which would work effortlessly I would take it immediately. I exercise and keep fit, but after my hysterectomy my weight ballooned ( I agree that I don't think it's the first thing everyone would notice. Only sh*ts like him! Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 > > > Quote: > > " Okay, the gloves are > > off! It is obvious that is the first thing people are going to > > notice about you. Fact of life. " >>>>>>>>>>>> > > I don't care what size people are AS long as THEY are happy. > I personally want to be a size 10 - but thats me. There are cetain > large ladies who are most happy with their sizes and thats fine - I > would never try to make anyone slim. > I don't agree that people would notice your size first - I have been > asked by my mother on several occasions if a person was black or > white and I honestly had no idea - I just don't notice these things! > > Trisha > SAHM to 3 boys I'm not happy at all with being fat but I dont like dieting either. If a magic pill was invented which would work effortlessly I would take it immediately. I exercise and keep fit, but after my hysterectomy my weight ballooned ( I agree that I don't think it's the first thing everyone would notice. Only sh*ts like him! Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2001 Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 > > > Quote: > > " Okay, the gloves are > > off! It is obvious that is the first thing people are going to > > notice about you. Fact of life. " >>>>>>>>>>>> > > I don't care what size people are AS long as THEY are happy. > I personally want to be a size 10 - but thats me. There are cetain > large ladies who are most happy with their sizes and thats fine - I > would never try to make anyone slim. > I don't agree that people would notice your size first - I have been > asked by my mother on several occasions if a person was black or > white and I honestly had no idea - I just don't notice these things! > > Trisha > SAHM to 3 boys I'm not happy at all with being fat but I dont like dieting either. If a magic pill was invented which would work effortlessly I would take it immediately. I exercise and keep fit, but after my hysterectomy my weight ballooned ( I agree that I don't think it's the first thing everyone would notice. Only sh*ts like him! Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 Ruthie, (sorry about my curt reply yesterday...was feeling a bit depressed) I would tend to agree with you, I am touchy about my weight and if I had had that reply, I would have thought he was talking about my weight! Then again, I wouldnt have asked the question, because I wouldnt want to get that sort of a reply! Still, sexiness isnt about weight, and he sounds about as sexy as a wet fish. Heres to larger women everywhere! Mum to Rohan (4 mths) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 Ruthie, (sorry about my curt reply yesterday...was feeling a bit depressed) I would tend to agree with you, I am touchy about my weight and if I had had that reply, I would have thought he was talking about my weight! Then again, I wouldnt have asked the question, because I wouldnt want to get that sort of a reply! Still, sexiness isnt about weight, and he sounds about as sexy as a wet fish. Heres to larger women everywhere! Mum to Rohan (4 mths) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 !Ruhtie wrote: > I'm not happy at all with being fat but I dont like dieting either. If > a magic pill was invented which would work effortlessly I would take > it immediately. > >>>>>>>>>>>. I go to Slimming World and I would not consider it a diet as you can eat loads and loads. You are never hungry, have a look at the Slimming World site www.slimming-world.com Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 !Ruhtie wrote: > I'm not happy at all with being fat but I dont like dieting either. If > a magic pill was invented which would work effortlessly I would take > it immediately. > >>>>>>>>>>>. I go to Slimming World and I would not consider it a diet as you can eat loads and loads. You are never hungry, have a look at the Slimming World site www.slimming-world.com Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 At 07:02 13/07/2001 +0000, you wrote: >!Ruhtie wrote: > > I'm not happy at all with being fat but I dont like dieting either. >If > > a magic pill was invented which would work effortlessly I would >take > > it immediately. > >>>>>>>>>>>. > >I go to Slimming World and I would not consider it a diet as you can >eat loads and loads. You are never hungry, have a look at the >Slimming World site www.slimming-world.com I have to say, I did Slimming World just before i got married, lost 3 stone. and i was never ever hungry. The only problem would be that it is quite prescriptive about what you, quantities etc. It was great while i was working as buying ready made meals fitted in with what i needed to eat at work. However i would just not be able to find the products over here. But having said that there are so many 'free' products, like fruit and veg, that it is adaptable. Now if only i could find my book again - i did the Flexi Diet. At least i think it was Slimming World. I went to another one just recently but they weren't very child friendly and with meetings at 6pm i had no choice but to take Emma so only went once. The only thing with slimming clubs (and I don't want to start a debate here, this is only an observation) was that i was told what to eat, so it didn't actually help me to work out how/why I was overeating. Or in fact how to stop it. Hence once I stopped going, the weight crept back on. I have since discovered that in fact I only eat at certain points in the year, so Christmas, Easter etc. I just never ever lose that weight again, so I maintain the same weight for ages, put on half a stone and then maintain my new weight for ages. Over the years it has built up. and if I 'diet' i get into that loop where i lose weight, then stop losing, stop the diet and put the weight back on really quickly as my body tries to compensate. I don't know the answer apart from being happy with my body shape, to a certain extent. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 > Ahh - but Ruthie you have a sexy voice and always will - while he will always judge a book by its cover.! > Anyway I'd rather be built for comfort than speed..... > > Caroline > Curvacious of Jersey Well said Caroline! I used to feel quite sorry for other girls at boarding school. Whereas at sports days & other events their mums looked young and slim and gorgeous, I couldn`t imagine them ever giving their daughters a *real* mummy cuddle (it would have crushed their silk dresses)! Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 I dont feel like being charitable to him tbh. Here's his last paragraph to me after 3 emails: Quote: " Okay, the gloves are off! It is obvious that is the first thing people are going to notice about you. Fact of life. " Still taking his side? << Oh Ruthie, as if I would take a toad's side against you! I just have this horrible habbit of desperately trying to see the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. My way of trying to kid myself human nature isn't as bad as it seems. Also just trying to make you feel better, obviously didn't work. Ho hum I'll just shut up now ( Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 Still taking his side? << > > Oh Ruthie, as if I would take a toad's side against you! I just have > this horrible habbit of desperately trying to see the best in people > and giving them the benefit of the doubt. My way of trying to kid > myself human nature isn't as bad as it seems. Also just trying to > make you feel better, obviously didn't work. Ho hum I'll just shut up > now ( > > Lorraine Oh dear I seem to have upset people again!! I suppose all I wanted was unequivocal sympathy, not people telling me how that ratbag really meant I was gorgeous Sorry if I upset you Lorraine ;(( I just think that a lot of men have a *very very very* poor sense of what pleases a woman to hear. What he really meant (and we have sort of made up since) is that " you are you so who cares what anyone thinks even if you *are* fat " which may not be the most flattering thing in the world but I don't think he meant it maliciously. Anyway he has been quite OK since, offering to copy tapes of the book reading to anyone on the LBC group who wants one. I guess you are all right, I should never have asked him what he thought!! I think I have certainly learned that lesson! I'm dressed for Sabbath now in an outfit I haven't worn since last year and at least it still fits. A sleeveless top and skirt in a brown/beige/black/wine sort of checky pattern with a very smart long black jacket on top (3/4 sleeved). I feel very good, and quite glam, so there! And Yeshaya's friend Zevi is coming for supper, bless his cotton socks so I don't need to worry about making a supreme effort to keep the teen amused. See you all after Sabbath! And apologies to anyone I might have upset inadvertently. Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 > Sorry to bring this subject up again but I need to offload and get > some sympathy. Ruthie, I'm missing the digest this message was in, but after reading the next one, figured I should read the original on the web... WHATTA JERK! There, that's what I think of him. I have met a few people IRL that I 'knew' online (DH, especially), and it was always strange at first and a lot of people weren't at all like I expected them to be. But that would be no reason to comment on any physical aspect of someone else, especially unless there was a potential 'relationship.' So basically, it was none of the guy's business and he should have kept his opinion to himself, especially about such a potential minefield of a subject! You're beautiful, Ruthie Phyllis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 > Sorry to bring this subject up again but I need to offload and get > some sympathy. Ruthie, I'm missing the digest this message was in, but after reading the next one, figured I should read the original on the web... WHATTA JERK! There, that's what I think of him. I have met a few people IRL that I 'knew' online (DH, especially), and it was always strange at first and a lot of people weren't at all like I expected them to be. But that would be no reason to comment on any physical aspect of someone else, especially unless there was a potential 'relationship.' So basically, it was none of the guy's business and he should have kept his opinion to himself, especially about such a potential minefield of a subject! You're beautiful, Ruthie Phyllis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2001 Report Share Posted July 14, 2001 > I suppose all I wanted was unequivocal sympathy, not people telling me > how that ratbag really meant I was gorgeous Sorry if I upset you > Lorraine ;((> Oh I'm not upset, thick-skinned me. Just was worried I'd upset you! Lorraine Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2001 Report Share Posted July 14, 2001 > > Sorry to bring this subject up again but I need to offload and get > > some sympathy. > > Ruthie, > > I'm missing the digest this message was in, but after reading the next > one, figured I should read the original on the web... > > WHATTA JERK! > > There, that's what I think of him. I have met a few people IRL that I > 'knew' online (DH, especially), and it was always strange at first and > a lot of people weren't at all like I expected them to be. But that > would be no reason to comment on any physical aspect of someone else, > especially unless there was a potential 'relationship.' So basically, > it was none of the guy's business and he should have kept his opinion > to himself, especially about such a potential minefield of a subject! > > You're beautiful, Ruthie > > Phyllis awww )) Howja know ? )) Ruthie *blushing* and *pleased* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2001 Report Share Posted July 14, 2001 > > Sorry to bring this subject up again but I need to offload and get > > some sympathy. > > Ruthie, > > I'm missing the digest this message was in, but after reading the next > one, figured I should read the original on the web... > > WHATTA JERK! > > There, that's what I think of him. I have met a few people IRL that I > 'knew' online (DH, especially), and it was always strange at first and > a lot of people weren't at all like I expected them to be. But that > would be no reason to comment on any physical aspect of someone else, > especially unless there was a potential 'relationship.' So basically, > it was none of the guy's business and he should have kept his opinion > to himself, especially about such a potential minefield of a subject! > > You're beautiful, Ruthie > > Phyllis awww )) Howja know ? )) Ruthie *blushing* and *pleased* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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