Re: Visiting a New Baby

July 6, 2001

wrote:

I didn't and she never seems to want any help I offer.

> >>>>>>>>>>>>

Don't you think though that some new Mums especially ones who have

had " high powered " jobs, don't want to admit they need any help?

Give her a few weeks and she will most likely want some adult

company, and she will hopefully remember that you offered.

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

July 6, 2001

> I even got a thankyou note for the present I

had

> given her (via her mum) last week.

Wow! We sent out combined thank you notes/birth announcements and I

think they were all done by 2 months on...

> > Dont go round again until she calls, and then offer to help her

out maybe.

> I didn't and she never seems to want any help I offer.

But don't think that your offers of help are falling on deaf ears.

Even the offer of help and the knowledge that she has someone to call

if she needs it is probably help in itself. She might be superwoman,

or maybe she's trying to be, or she may be human and might call you

one day in a frazzle. So keep offering

When a friend of mine had her baby a few weeks ago, I showed up with a

pan of brownies on my way somewhere else. She invited me in for the 2

minutes I had to spare and I got to hold the tiny baby very briefly.

This way, I got to see her and the baby, I gave her a present, and I

didn't expect any tea or to be entertained and she knew it. So

everyone was happy (except my 18 month old, whom I wouldn't let out of

his pushchair to wreck the house during those 2 minutes, and even he

didn't seem too worried)

Phyllis

July 6, 2001

I'd decided before the birth that the day I came home from hospital I

didn't want anyone else staying, so the 3 of us could get into a

routine (ha ha) before we faced the world.

Looking back it was a tad mean as we lived 100 miles from both sets of

parents who were obviously itching to see the first grandchild (both

sides).

My parents were brill tho' - they arrived at the hospital with DH to

bring us home. Stayed for about an hour, then drove the 1.5 hr trip

back home. We then went to them (as scheduled weeks in advance) 3

days later for Christmas.

Because I was miles from friends and family (other than fellow AN

class antendees) I didn't get any visitors except the MW and my GP

(who was

lovely, but discussed contraception (if you please).

I was rather embarrassed when the GP came the first morning at home as

it was nearly midday - we hadn't made it out of the bedroom, let alone

our bed clothes and all the hospital bags were still dumped in the

corner of the bedroom. She reckoned that was exactly how it should be

and she'd have been worried if we were all dressed, downstairs and

tidy. Pheww.

Once at my mums and being thoroughly spoilt, I had floods of visitors,

which was great as someone else was there to meet, greet and

entertain.

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

July 6, 2001

I'd decided before the birth that the day I came home from hospital I

didn't want anyone else staying, so the 3 of us could get into a

routine (ha ha) before we faced the world.

Looking back it was a tad mean as we lived 100 miles from both sets of

parents who were obviously itching to see the first grandchild (both

sides).

My parents were brill tho' - they arrived at the hospital with DH to

bring us home. Stayed for about an hour, then drove the 1.5 hr trip

back home. We then went to them (as scheduled weeks in advance) 3

days later for Christmas.

Because I was miles from friends and family (other than fellow AN

class antendees) I didn't get any visitors except the MW and my GP

(who was

lovely, but discussed contraception (if you please).

I was rather embarrassed when the GP came the first morning at home as

it was nearly midday - we hadn't made it out of the bedroom, let alone

our bed clothes and all the hospital bags were still dumped in the

corner of the bedroom. She reckoned that was exactly how it should be

and she'd have been worried if we were all dressed, downstairs and

tidy. Pheww.

Once at my mums and being thoroughly spoilt, I had floods of visitors,

which was great as someone else was there to meet, greet and

entertain.

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

July 6, 2001

> Don't you think though that some new Mums especially ones who have

> had " high powered " jobs, don't want to admit they need any help?

I wouldn't exactly call a school cook a " high powered " job.

LOL

July 6, 2001

--- In nct-coffee@y..., " & -Jane " > I

wouldn't exactly call a school cook a " high powered " job.

> LOL

>

Yeah - but jolly hard work though! (not my idea of a fun job

cooking all that food for picky kids to leave every morsel!)

Caroline

July 6, 2001

>

> With DS I took him out to lunch in the Maids of Honour tearoom at Kew

> when 10 days old, and afterwards went and fed him in Kew Gardens but

> some Japanese ladies in the Maids of Honour were really shocked that

> he was taken outside the house before 4 weeks, and that I was up and

> out so early.

I had this reaction when I was in Asda with Mari when she was 3 days old!

I'm sure people thought I was cruel, but she was happy and the staff were

really helpful. Provision of a 'feeding/changing room was a 'step in the

right direction ..... but I didn't relish feeding her next to the toilets in

a room with no windows I really hate being hid away like that.

> Likewise my SIL's private midwife asked her to stay upstairs for 10

> days, and restricted visitors to 10 mins each and only if she was up

> to it and not b/feeding - and I think number of visitors was

> restricted.

Sounds wonderful to me - I may try that this time, I think I did too much

too early last time and my long term recovery suffered, but I was on a

mission to prove to *them* that I was okay despite the fact that their

negligence had caused me so much physical and psychological damage.

> Perhaps it's because I'm virtually

> geriatric that I feel this, maybe twenty-somethings bounce back faster

> after birth and sleepless nights!!!

I was 18 when I had and my body did bounce back into shape and I coped

really well with the tiredness etc. .... now I'm older .... it's a very

different story ....

> But it was something that was covered in our ante-natal classes - that

visitors needed to be kept in their (honoured) places!! ;-)

Definately

Jenni

(& Gethyn) 17yrs, Mari 3yrs (HB), Babi Bach exp.09/2001

July 6, 2001

Went to visit a new baby today - well newish! - 9wks old. Ex colleague from

work that I don't know that well and first time I'd ever been to her house.

I was mortified when Mari wet twice whilst we were there, frantically trying

to clean up and apologise without laying a guilt trip on Mari !!

> (except my 18 month old, whom I wouldn't let out of

> his pushchair to wreck the house during those 2 minutes

Maybe I should have put Mari back in a nappy for the visit !!

Jenni

(& Gethyn) 17yrs, Mari 3yrs (HB), Babi Bach exp.09/2001

July 6, 2001

Went to visit a new baby today - well newish! - 9wks old. Ex colleague from

work that I don't know that well and first time I'd ever been to her house.

I was mortified when Mari wet twice whilst we were there, frantically trying

to clean up and apologise without laying a guilt trip on Mari !!

> (except my 18 month old, whom I wouldn't let out of

> his pushchair to wreck the house during those 2 minutes

Maybe I should have put Mari back in a nappy for the visit !!

Jenni

(& Gethyn) 17yrs, Mari 3yrs (HB), Babi Bach exp.09/2001

July 6, 2001

wrote...> > I

> wouldn't exactly call a school cook a " high powered " job.>>>>>>>>>

No I agree but don't you think that as school cook, she will be

in charge of the kitchen and always " seen " to be in control and she

may feel that she can't " control " the baby yet as well as maybe BF

and may feel that she is just coping at the moment without worrying

about visitors.

I bet you are not the only person she has declined a visit from.

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

July 6, 2001

wrote...> > I

> wouldn't exactly call a school cook a " high powered " job.>>>>>>>>>

No I agree but don't you think that as school cook, she will be

in charge of the kitchen and always " seen " to be in control and she

may feel that she can't " control " the baby yet as well as maybe BF

and may feel that she is just coping at the moment without worrying

about visitors.

I bet you are not the only person she has declined a visit from.

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

July 6, 2001

Caroline wrote:

> Yeah - but jolly hard work though! (not my idea of a fun job

> cooking all that food for picky kids to leave every morsel!)

> >>>>>>>>>>

Obviously you have never met my eldest son!

The dinner lady commented to me in the supermarket that " he gets his

moneys worth "

Before he chooses his first lot of food, he works out what won't be

so popular and goes for the most popular dish, then for seconds he

can have a helping of the least popular dish and then for

thirds..................

Of course, he is so skinny and tall - obviously he does not get his

genes from his mother.......

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

July 6, 2001

Caroline wrote:

> Yeah - but jolly hard work though! (not my idea of a fun job

> cooking all that food for picky kids to leave every morsel!)

> >>>>>>>>>>

Obviously you have never met my eldest son!

The dinner lady commented to me in the supermarket that " he gets his

moneys worth "

Before he chooses his first lot of food, he works out what won't be

so popular and goes for the most popular dish, then for seconds he

can have a helping of the least popular dish and then for

thirds..................

Of course, he is so skinny and tall - obviously he does not get his

genes from his mother.......

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

July 6, 2001

> Of course, he is so skinny and tall - obviously he does not get

his

> genes from his mother.......

same here - DS1 eats loads - but not at school - and is tall and

willowy. He looks nothing like me - in fact he looks exactly like

DH's sister - quite bizarre!

DS2 is more like my family - short and stumpy!

Caroline

July 7, 2001

- I had this awful thought last night (when I got to bed) that

it may have sounded like I was getting at you for not understanding

why your neighbour might not have wanted you to visit.

I was not - just trying to give you some examples of why people might

not want visitors (any visitors not just you).

One of my favourite visitors was a lady I knew who after I had had

DS3 called in with strawberries she had just picked on her allotement

and was on her way home. She was in her " muck " from the allotement

and never even held Isaac but made all the right noises.

Why not wait a couple more weeks and then invite her round for lunch

or a coffee?

She may even be worried about having your little one in her house as

she won't have toys him.

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

July 7, 2001

<<> Of course, he is so skinny and tall - obviously he does not get

his > genes from his mother.......>>

Same here dd1 is so like my father it is untrue and is also showing his ability

to eat whatever she likes without putting on any weight what so ever. dd2 is so

like dh and his sister that you would not know that I had anything to do with

her genetics Kind of hoping this one at least will have a little of me in

him/her it would be nice to see some of my traits in one of my children (then

again s/he will probably inherit something about me that I don't like lol)

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you

start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

July 7, 2001

<<> Of course, he is so skinny and tall - obviously he does not get

his > genes from his mother.......>>

Same here dd1 is so like my father it is untrue and is also showing his ability

to eat whatever she likes without putting on any weight what so ever. dd2 is so

like dh and his sister that you would not know that I had anything to do with

her genetics Kind of hoping this one at least will have a little of me in

him/her it would be nice to see some of my traits in one of my children (then

again s/he will probably inherit something about me that I don't like lol)

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you

start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

July 7, 2001

<>

we took eloisa with us to Sainsbury's shopping the day after she was born and it

was amazing to watch peoples eye pop when they said how old and you said 1 day

;o).. I was itching to get out of the house and for me having been " made " to

stay in the bedroom and not get dressed would have been a serious punishment and

something I would have found really difficult to cope with.. someone on the

home birth group mentioned post euphoria and I have got to say that I have had

this both times I have been full of energy and bursting to do stuff. However my

body has been very good at making sure that I got the rest I needed so I never

did feel as if things where going OTT for me.. In fact with my labour bag for

Eloisa (homedelivery) I did not pack a pj I packed a tshirt a cardigan and a

pair of leggings this seemed far nicer for me to get into after than a pj (esp

as she was born in the morning)

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you

start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

July 7, 2001