Guest guest Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Oh Donelle, my heart goes out to you. What a wonderul weekend that Glenn could be with his daughter on her birthday. A relief now that she is aware of his condition, even if she doesn't know everything. Rough on you having to deal with this but I think you are both doing very well had handling things. Well I continuing to pray for you all and the decisions you are faced with. Take care.... Big, big, big, hugs... Jolene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Oh Donelle, You have my Prayers. I Pray for you and Glen both. I am thrilled that you got to do a mini trip in the fifth wheel. It was great that Glen got to enjoy it in spite of the fact that it is so draining on him. Yes, this cancer totally sucks!!!!! And what must be going through Glen's mind. I know the thoughts that go through my mind each day. No one wants to die. But we all have to one day. It is great that Glen is not angry with God. But we have no way of knowing that cancer will or would hit us. It is so sad that even today with all the advanced medicines that they still cannot control this cancer. My surgeon explained that all to me. That one cannot ever be sure if they are cancer free. You never know how long we have. I Pray so hard that Glenn would not be in pain. I Pray so hard that the tumors would just go away. It is all in God's hands and there is nothing we can do to change that. All we can do is Pray. And I am Praying so hard for Glen and your strength. Ingrid > Hi everyone!!! > > We just returned from a 3 day wkn in southern land in our 5th wheel... > Glenn's daughter lives in VA and is driving 2.5 hrs. north and we are driving > 2.5 hrs south to meet her at a campground. Today is her birthday and she > hasn't been with her Dad for 3 yrs. on her birthday. I'm glad she made the > effort, as it could very well be her last birthday with him. Not meaning to > sound gloom, just realistic. Glenn finally, FINALLY was truthful and honest > with Missy...it was sad, b/c they were both crying and so was I. It was just > one of those moments when she broke down that I couldn't be " strong " . I > hugged her and she hugged me back. And it was such a relief TO ME!! I always > told him that if the day comes they tell us they cannot do anything more for > him, I would tell his children. It just wasn't fair to them not to know the > whole truth!!! > > We saw the Oncologist on Monday and we still have no real plan of action. > He did discuss the fact that the Liver Spec. is against the shunt surgery and > the GI Dr. is willing to go ahead. In the end, I guess Glenn is going to be > the one who will really decide. If he wants to continue with the draining > procedure on a weekly basis, preceded by several days of pain and sleeping all > day long. Then he won't have the surgery. He was drained on Thursday last > week and by yesterday, he was in pain already...couldn't even really enjoy his > daughter being there. Of course, this heat and humidity we are having doesn't > help!! > > On the other hand, the Onc. said there is another chemo we could try. He > was very surprised at the amount of tumor in the liver since the last scan, > which indicated some shrinkage of tumors. It is now 60-70% tumor. When I asked > what kind of time frame are we talking about and what symptoms will he have > when the liver continues to fail and function less and less. He said, " I > can't tell you how many months...2, 6, 12?? But I can tell you it's months, not > years, and not weeks. " So, if this is the case, Glenn is thinking along the > lines of why not try the surgery to get the Ascites under control and then > perhaps he can try the other chemo to try to reduce or at least control the > tumor?? The risk in the surgery is 1-3...not very good odds. > > So it's not really " new " news...as when we discovered the mets to the liver > from the colon, we were told average life span is 22 months.... of course, > there is always some less, some more. So it's simply an average. So even tho, > its not " new " news, it was LIKE " new " news to Glenn, who has tried to be so > optimistic all along (most of the time). It really hit him hard. A lot of > times when we talk with the Dr., Glenn hears totally different things than I > do or doesn't hear things that I do. It's really true that the Cancer Patient > needs someone to go with them to drs. etc. He now says, " I don't know how > I'm suppose to feel " ....I told him I would think that's an individual feeling. > I suggested to him to get everything out of the way and completed that he > needs to do before he gets really sick, (most of which is done...unless there > might be some amends he needs to make and he needs to get me his DD14 from > the military, so I can make arrangements at Arlington Cemetery when the time > comes) ...and then get on with living...for however long we have. I'm so very > sad, but believe I've been grieving for a long time; still I'm able to be a > little more realistic and face it than Glenn seems to be. I can usually get > through the crises...then wham-o I fall apart. Altho, now he seems to be > facing it, trying to make decisions and finally telling his children. It's > not that he lied to them, it's just he didn't tell them everything!!! > Hmmmm....there's a fine line there!!! > > He told his daughter that he would already be gone if it weren't for me > taking care of him, forcing meds, attempting to keep his diabetes under control, > getting him to drs. appts. and chemo appts.....well, you think that didn't > bring a tear to my eye!!! It was quite an emotional moment!!! > > Glenn is not sure he wants to take chemo again. He, in general, feels soooo > much better. Still not gaining any weight, b/c of the fluid draining taking > all the nutrients, but he is able to eat more often. If the chemo would > extend his life for 6 mos., a year or more...he might consider it. But if odds > are it will only extend it a couple months, he may not be willing to go > through it again. > > Still has no strength and can't get steroids, b/c of .....hmmm I forget. > Glenn's not only fighting the cancer mets to the liver, but a liver disease as > well and the clot that goes to the liver, PLUS the Varices in the esphogus, > plus the Ascites.... and diabetes!!! > > He's not angry at God and never has admitted to being mad at God (like so > many are), only at himself for not getting the colonoscopy sooner and not > eating healthier and exercising. > > I asked Glenn if there was some place he'd never been that he'd always > wanted to go...he couldn't think of one at that moment. He was in the Coast Guard > for 20 years, so he did a fair amount of travelling around the world...and > we've done a lot of travelling around the U.S. especially the coastlines > visiting lighthouses, etc. > But later on that day, he said he'd like to see the Grand Canyon and > somewhere that I can't recall right now, but it was out of the realm of possibility > of us affording to go there or me having the time to take off work. He's > always wanted to take me to Alaska; he was stationed there and said it was > beautiful, but he didn't mention that. He's always wanted to go on a cruise, but > he didn't mention that...I'm thinking of surprising him (my poor credit > cards!!! LOL) once he decides on the surgery or not, either with the cruise or > taking the 5th wheel to the Grand Canyon. I just don't know if that would be > too much for him. It might be too much for ME...as I do most of the packing > and unpacking, etc. A wkn just about does him in with driving, setting up and > taking down, which to most would be fairly easy, but it's extremely > difficult for him to get up off the ground when leveling the RV. He's just so weak > with no muscle mass. > > I have always been a strong person. I've had to be. I was a single Mom for > a hundred years and raised my 3 sons by myself. That would make anyone > tough!! LOL And I try to stay " strong " and positive for Glenn, but having just > lost my Mom; I'm feeling like I'm losing all the people I care most for to > diseases. > > My recently retired boss of 25 years has decided to fight his Pancreatic > Cancer and you know that's a hard one to beat. We all told him " someone " has to > be in the 3%, so why not him. The percentage is 3% recover....I HATE > CANCER!!! What an ugly disease!!! > > Sorry for the long post....guess I needed to talk, huh?? > > Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle > Caregiver to Glenn > > P.S. Mom's birthday is July 21st, so I think I'm having a weak week!!! > Please pray for me!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 and I will always be remembering you in my prayers, Ingrid. Karima Re: Glenn Update.... Oh Donelle, You have my Prayers. I Pray for you and Glen both. I am thrilled that you got to do a mini trip in the fifth wheel. It was great that Glen got to enjoy it in spite of the fact that it is so draining on him. Yes, this cancer totally sucks!!!!! And what must be going through Glen's mind. I know the thoughts that go through my mind each day. No one wants to die. But we all have to one day. It is great that Glen is not angry with God. But we have no way of knowing that cancer will or would hit us. It is so sad that even today with all the advanced medicines that they still cannot control this cancer. My surgeon explained that all to me. That one cannot ever be sure if they are cancer free. You never know how long we have. I Pray so hard that Glenn would not be in pain. I Pray so hard that the tumors would just go away. It is all in God's hands and there is nothing we can do to change that. All we can do is Pray. And I am Praying so hard for Glen and your strength. Ingrid > Hi everyone!!! > > We just returned from a 3 day wkn in southern land in our 5th wheel... > Glenn's daughter lives in VA and is driving 2.5 hrs. north and we are driving > 2.5 hrs south to meet her at a campground. Today is her birthday and she > hasn't been with her Dad for 3 yrs. on her birthday. I'm glad she made the > effort, as it could very well be her last birthday with him. Not meaning to > sound gloom, just realistic. Glenn finally, FINALLY was truthful and honest > with Missy...it was sad, b/c they were both crying and so was I. It was just > one of those moments when she broke down that I couldn't be " strong " . I > hugged her and she hugged me back. And it was such a relief TO ME!! I always > told him that if the day comes they tell us they cannot do anything more for > him, I would tell his children. It just wasn't fair to them not to know the > whole truth!!! > > We saw the Oncologist on Monday and we still have no real plan of action. > He did discuss the fact that the Liver Spec. is against the shunt surgery and > the GI Dr. is willing to go ahead. In the end, I guess Glenn is going to be > the one who will really decide. If he wants to continue with the draining > procedure on a weekly basis, preceded by several days of pain and sleeping all > day long. Then he won't have the surgery. He was drained on Thursday last > week and by yesterday, he was in pain already...couldn't even really enjoy his > daughter being there. Of course, this heat and humidity we are having doesn't > help!! > > On the other hand, the Onc. said there is another chemo we could try. He > was very surprised at the amount of tumor in the liver since the last scan, > which indicated some shrinkage of tumors. It is now 60-70% tumor. When I asked > what kind of time frame are we talking about and what symptoms will he have > when the liver continues to fail and function less and less. He said, " I > can't tell you how many months...2, 6, 12?? But I can tell you it's months, not > years, and not weeks. " So, if this is the case, Glenn is thinking along the > lines of why not try the surgery to get the Ascites under control and then > perhaps he can try the other chemo to try to reduce or at least control the > tumor?? The risk in the surgery is 1-3...not very good odds. > > So it's not really " new " news...as when we discovered the mets to the liver > from the colon, we were told average life span is 22 months.... of course, > there is always some less, some more. So it's simply an average. So even tho, > its not " new " news, it was LIKE " new " news to Glenn, who has tried to be so > optimistic all along (most of the time). It really hit him hard. A lot of > times when we talk with the Dr., Glenn hears totally different things than I > do or doesn't hear things that I do. It's really true that the Cancer Patient > needs someone to go with them to drs. etc. He now says, " I don't know how > I'm suppose to feel " ....I told him I would think that's an individual feeling. > I suggested to him to get everything out of the way and completed that he > needs to do before he gets really sick, (most of which is done...unless there > might be some amends he needs to make and he needs to get me his DD14 from > the military, so I can make arrangements at Arlington Cemetery when the time > comes) ...and then get on with living...for however long we have. I'm so very > sad, but believe I've been grieving for a long time; still I'm able to be a > little more realistic and face it than Glenn seems to be. I can usually get > through the crises...then wham-o I fall apart. Altho, now he seems to be > facing it, trying to make decisions and finally telling his children. It's > not that he lied to them, it's just he didn't tell them everything!!! > Hmmmm....there's a fine line there!!! > > He told his daughter that he would already be gone if it weren't for me > taking care of him, forcing meds, attempting to keep his diabetes under control, > getting him to drs. appts. and chemo appts.....well, you think that didn't > bring a tear to my eye!!! It was quite an emotional moment!!! > > Glenn is not sure he wants to take chemo again. He, in general, feels soooo > much better. Still not gaining any weight, b/c of the fluid draining taking > all the nutrients, but he is able to eat more often. If the chemo would > extend his life for 6 mos., a year or more...he might consider it. But if odds > are it will only extend it a couple months, he may not be willing to go > through it again. > > Still has no strength and can't get steroids, b/c of .....hmmm I forget. > Glenn's not only fighting the cancer mets to the liver, but a liver disease as > well and the clot that goes to the liver, PLUS the Varices in the esphogus, > plus the Ascites.... and diabetes!!! > > He's not angry at God and never has admitted to being mad at God (like so > many are), only at himself for not getting the colonoscopy sooner and not > eating healthier and exercising. > > I asked Glenn if there was some place he'd never been that he'd always > wanted to go...he couldn't think of one at that moment. He was in the Coast Guard > for 20 years, so he did a fair amount of travelling around the world...and > we've done a lot of travelling around the U.S. especially the coastlines > visiting lighthouses, etc. > But later on that day, he said he'd like to see the Grand Canyon and > somewhere that I can't recall right now, but it was out of the realm of possibility > of us affording to go there or me having the time to take off work. He's > always wanted to take me to Alaska; he was stationed there and said it was > beautiful, but he didn't mention that. He's always wanted to go on a cruise, but > he didn't mention that...I'm thinking of surprising him (my poor credit > cards!!! LOL) once he decides on the surgery or not, either with the cruise or > taking the 5th wheel to the Grand Canyon. I just don't know if that would be > too much for him. It might be too much for ME...as I do most of the packing > and unpacking, etc. A wkn just about does him in with driving, setting up and > taking down, which to most would be fairly easy, but it's extremely > difficult for him to get up off the ground when leveling the RV. He's just so weak > with no muscle mass. > > I have always been a strong person. I've had to be. I was a single Mom for > a hundred years and raised my 3 sons by myself. That would make anyone > tough!! LOL And I try to stay " strong " and positive for Glenn, but having just > lost my Mom; I'm feeling like I'm losing all the people I care most for to > diseases. > > My recently retired boss of 25 years has decided to fight his Pancreatic > Cancer and you know that's a hard one to beat. We all told him " someone " has to > be in the 3%, so why not him. The percentage is 3% recover....I HATE > CANCER!!! What an ugly disease!!! > > Sorry for the long post....guess I needed to talk, huh?? > > Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle > Caregiver to Glenn > > P.S. Mom's birthday is July 21st, so I think I'm having a weak week!!! > Please pray for me!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 >>>The risk in the surgery is 1-3...not very good odds. >>>> Is this 'not very good odds' as in success rate or survival rate? If it is success rate, I'd go for it. If survival rate, I don't know. would definitely be a decision only he could make. However you decide to proceed, please know that you both are in our prayers. Will also be remembering you on the 21st. I know that anniversaries of someone we love are hard. It will be 5 years in November since Dad passed over and I don't imagine it will be any easier than it was last year. Hugs, nancy j ---------- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.323 / Virus Database: 267.9.0/49 - Release Date: 7/16/2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Oh Donnelle, what a great effort you put into that post, you are fighting so hard and Glenn and I am sure the rest of the family know that. God Bless you both. Karima Glenn Update.... Hi everyone!!! We just returned from a 3 day wkn in southern land in our 5th wheel... Glenn's daughter lives in VA and is driving 2.5 hrs. north and we are driving 2.5 hrs south to meet her at a campground. Today is her birthday and she hasn't been with her Dad for 3 yrs. on her birthday. I'm glad she made the effort, as it could very well be her last birthday with him. Not meaning to sound gloom, just realistic. Glenn finally, FINALLY was truthful and honest with Missy...it was sad, b/c they were both crying and so was I. It was just one of those moments when she broke down that I couldn't be " strong " . I hugged her and she hugged me back. And it was such a relief TO ME!! I always told him that if the day comes they tell us they cannot do anything more for him, I would tell his children. It just wasn't fair to them not to know the whole truth!!! We saw the Oncologist on Monday and we still have no real plan of action. He did discuss the fact that the Liver Spec. is against the shunt surgery and the GI Dr. is willing to go ahead. In the end, I guess Glenn is going to be the one who will really decide. If he wants to continue with the draining procedure on a weekly basis, preceded by several days of pain and sleeping all day long. Then he won't have the surgery. He was drained on Thursday last week and by yesterday, he was in pain already...couldn't even really enjoy his daughter being there. Of course, this heat and humidity we are having doesn't help!! On the other hand, the Onc. said there is another chemo we could try. He was very surprised at the amount of tumor in the liver since the last scan, which indicated some shrinkage of tumors. It is now 60-70% tumor. When I asked what kind of time frame are we talking about and what symptoms will he have when the liver continues to fail and function less and less. He said, " I can't tell you how many months...2, 6, 12?? But I can tell you it's months, not years, and not weeks. " So, if this is the case, Glenn is thinking along the lines of why not try the surgery to get the Ascites under control and then perhaps he can try the other chemo to try to reduce or at least control the tumor?? The risk in the surgery is 1-3...not very good odds. So it's not really " new " news...as when we discovered the mets to the liver from the colon, we were told average life span is 22 months.... of course, there is always some less, some more. So it's simply an average. So even tho, its not " new " news, it was LIKE " new " news to Glenn, who has tried to be so optimistic all along (most of the time). It really hit him hard. A lot of times when we talk with the Dr., Glenn hears totally different things than I do or doesn't hear things that I do. It's really true that the Cancer Patient needs someone to go with them to drs. etc. He now says, " I don't know how I'm suppose to feel " ....I told him I would think that's an individual feeling. I suggested to him to get everything out of the way and completed that he needs to do before he gets really sick, (most of which is done...unless there might be some amends he needs to make and he needs to get me his DD14 from the military, so I can make arrangements at Arlington Cemetery when the time comes) ...and then get on with living...for however long we have. I'm so very sad, but believe I've been grieving for a long time; still I'm able to be a little more realistic and face it than Glenn seems to be. I can usually get through the crises...then wham-o I fall apart. Altho, now he seems to be facing it, trying to make decisions and finally telling his children. It's not that he lied to them, it's just he didn't tell them everything!!! Hmmmm....there's a fine line there!!! He told his daughter that he would already be gone if it weren't for me taking care of him, forcing meds, attempting to keep his diabetes under control, getting him to drs. appts. and chemo appts.....well, you think that didn't bring a tear to my eye!!! It was quite an emotional moment!!! Glenn is not sure he wants to take chemo again. He, in general, feels soooo much better. Still not gaining any weight, b/c of the fluid draining taking all the nutrients, but he is able to eat more often. If the chemo would extend his life for 6 mos., a year or more...he might consider it. But if odds are it will only extend it a couple months, he may not be willing to go through it again. Still has no strength and can't get steroids, b/c of .....hmmm I forget. Glenn's not only fighting the cancer mets to the liver, but a liver disease as well and the clot that goes to the liver, PLUS the Varices in the esphogus, plus the Ascites.... and diabetes!!! He's not angry at God and never has admitted to being mad at God (like so many are), only at himself for not getting the colonoscopy sooner and not eating healthier and exercising. I asked Glenn if there was some place he'd never been that he'd always wanted to go...he couldn't think of one at that moment. He was in the Coast Guard for 20 years, so he did a fair amount of travelling around the world...and we've done a lot of travelling around the U.S. especially the coastlines visiting lighthouses, etc. But later on that day, he said he'd like to see the Grand Canyon and somewhere that I can't recall right now, but it was out of the realm of possibility of us affording to go there or me having the time to take off work. He's always wanted to take me to Alaska; he was stationed there and said it was beautiful, but he didn't mention that. He's always wanted to go on a cruise, but he didn't mention that...I'm thinking of surprising him (my poor credit cards!!! LOL) once he decides on the surgery or not, either with the cruise or taking the 5th wheel to the Grand Canyon. I just don't know if that would be too much for him. It might be too much for ME...as I do most of the packing and unpacking, etc. A wkn just about does him in with driving, setting up and taking down, which to most would be fairly easy, but it's extremely difficult for him to get up off the ground when leveling the RV. He's just so weak with no muscle mass. I have always been a strong person. I've had to be. I was a single Mom for a hundred years and raised my 3 sons by myself. That would make anyone tough!! LOL And I try to stay " strong " and positive for Glenn, but having just lost my Mom; I'm feeling like I'm losing all the people I care most for to diseases. My recently retired boss of 25 years has decided to fight his Pancreatic Cancer and you know that's a hard one to beat. We all told him " someone " has to be in the 3%, so why not him. The percentage is 3% recover....I HATE CANCER!!! What an ugly disease!!! Sorry for the long post....guess I needed to talk, huh?? Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle Caregiver to Glenn P.S. Mom's birthday is July 21st, so I think I'm having a weak week!!! Please pray for me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2005 Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 In a message dated 7/18/2005 8:51:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, flipper759@... writes: You've got the prayers and the hugs sweetie. Glenn's in our prayers. Hope they can fix the ascites and make him more comfie. Narice PS Back in New England Montreal was wonderful Narice HI NARICE!!! Glad you are having a great trip...assuming that God has answered prayers and Phil is doing just fine!!! Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts!!. Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle Caregiver to Glenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2005 Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 In a message dated 7/17/2005 11:58:04 PM Eastern Standard Time, tsalagi@... writes: Is this 'not very good odds' as in success rate or survival rate? If it is success rate, I'd go for it. If survival rate, I don't know. would definitely be a decision only he could make. However you decide to proceed, please know that you both are in our prayers. Will also be remembering you on the 21st. I know that anniversaries of someone we love are hard. It will be 5 years in November since Dad passed over and I don't imagine it will be any easier than it was last year. Hugs, nancy j Ya know what, ...I'm not sure about the success or survival rate....it's so close, I didn't even think to ask that question. On my list for next time I talk to Onc....LOL Thanks for your prayers and positive thoughts!!! Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle Caregiver to Glenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2005 Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 You've got the prayers and the hugs sweetie. Glenn's in our prayers. Hope they can fix the ascites and make him more comfie. Narice PS Back in New England Montreal was wonderful Narice -- In colon_cancer_support , Grandmommyandme@a... wrote: > Hi everyone!!! > > We just returned from a 3 day wkn in southern land in our 5th wheel... > Glenn's daughter lives in VA and is driving 2.5 hrs. north and we are driving > 2.5 hrs south to meet her at a campground. Today is her birthday and she > hasn't been with her Dad for 3 yrs. on her birthday. I'm glad she made the > effort, as it could very well be her last birthday with him. Not meaning to > sound gloom, just realistic. Glenn finally, FINALLY was truthful and honest > with Missy...it was sad, b/c they were both crying and so was I. It was just > one of those moments when she broke down that I couldn't be " strong " . I > hugged her and she hugged me back. And it was such a relief TO ME!! I always > told him that if the day comes they tell us they cannot do anything more for > him, I would tell his children. It just wasn't fair to them not to know the > whole truth!!! > > We saw the Oncologist on Monday and we still have no real plan of action. > He did discuss the fact that the Liver Spec. is against the shunt surgery and > the GI Dr. is willing to go ahead. In the end, I guess Glenn is going to be > the one who will really decide. If he wants to continue with the draining > procedure on a weekly basis, preceded by several days of pain and sleeping all > day long. Then he won't have the surgery. He was drained on Thursday last > week and by yesterday, he was in pain already...couldn't even really enjoy his > daughter being there. Of course, this heat and humidity we are having doesn't > help!! > > On the other hand, the Onc. said there is another chemo we could try. He > was very surprised at the amount of tumor in the liver since the last scan, > which indicated some shrinkage of tumors. It is now 60-70% tumor. When I asked > what kind of time frame are we talking about and what symptoms will he have > when the liver continues to fail and function less and less. He said, " I > can't tell you how many months...2, 6, 12?? But I can tell you it's months, not > years, and not weeks. " So, if this is the case, Glenn is thinking along the > lines of why not try the surgery to get the Ascites under control and then > perhaps he can try the other chemo to try to reduce or at least control the > tumor?? The risk in the surgery is 1-3...not very good odds. > > So it's not really " new " news...as when we discovered the mets to the liver > from the colon, we were told average life span is 22 months.... of course, > there is always some less, some more. So it's simply an average. So even tho, > its not " new " news, it was LIKE " new " news to Glenn, who has tried to be so > optimistic all along (most of the time). It really hit him hard. A lot of > times when we talk with the Dr., Glenn hears totally different things than I > do or doesn't hear things that I do. It's really true that the Cancer Patient > needs someone to go with them to drs. etc. He now says, " I don't know how > I'm suppose to feel " ....I told him I would think that's an individual feeling. > I suggested to him to get everything out of the way and completed that he > needs to do before he gets really sick, (most of which is done...unless there > might be some amends he needs to make and he needs to get me his DD14 from > the military, so I can make arrangements at Arlington Cemetery when the time > comes) ...and then get on with living...for however long we have. I'm so very > sad, but believe I've been grieving for a long time; still I'm able to be a > little more realistic and face it than Glenn seems to be. I can usually get > through the crises...then wham-o I fall apart. Altho, now he seems to be > facing it, trying to make decisions and finally telling his children. It's > not that he lied to them, it's just he didn't tell them everything!!! > Hmmmm....there's a fine line there!!! > > He told his daughter that he would already be gone if it weren't for me > taking care of him, forcing meds, attempting to keep his diabetes under control, > getting him to drs. appts. and chemo appts.....well, you think that didn't > bring a tear to my eye!!! It was quite an emotional moment!!! > > Glenn is not sure he wants to take chemo again. He, in general, feels soooo > much better. Still not gaining any weight, b/c of the fluid draining taking > all the nutrients, but he is able to eat more often. If the chemo would > extend his life for 6 mos., a year or more...he might consider it. But if odds > are it will only extend it a couple months, he may not be willing to go > through it again. > > Still has no strength and can't get steroids, b/c of .....hmmm I forget. > Glenn's not only fighting the cancer mets to the liver, but a liver disease as > well and the clot that goes to the liver, PLUS the Varices in the esphogus, > plus the Ascites.... and diabetes!!! > > He's not angry at God and never has admitted to being mad at God (like so > many are), only at himself for not getting the colonoscopy sooner and not > eating healthier and exercising. > > I asked Glenn if there was some place he'd never been that he'd always > wanted to go...he couldn't think of one at that moment. He was in the Coast Guard > for 20 years, so he did a fair amount of travelling around the world...and > we've done a lot of travelling around the U.S. especially the coastlines > visiting lighthouses, etc. > But later on that day, he said he'd like to see the Grand Canyon and > somewhere that I can't recall right now, but it was out of the realm of possibility > of us affording to go there or me having the time to take off work. He's > always wanted to take me to Alaska; he was stationed there and said it was > beautiful, but he didn't mention that. He's always wanted to go on a cruise, but > he didn't mention that...I'm thinking of surprising him (my poor credit > cards!!! LOL) once he decides on the surgery or not, either with the cruise or > taking the 5th wheel to the Grand Canyon. I just don't know if that would be > too much for him. It might be too much for ME...as I do most of the packing > and unpacking, etc. A wkn just about does him in with driving, setting up and > taking down, which to most would be fairly easy, but it's extremely > difficult for him to get up off the ground when leveling the RV. He's just so weak > with no muscle mass. > > I have always been a strong person. I've had to be. I was a single Mom for > a hundred years and raised my 3 sons by myself. That would make anyone > tough!! LOL And I try to stay " strong " and positive for Glenn, but having just > lost my Mom; I'm feeling like I'm losing all the people I care most for to > diseases. > > My recently retired boss of 25 years has decided to fight his Pancreatic > Cancer and you know that's a hard one to beat. We all told him " someone " has to > be in the 3%, so why not him. The percentage is 3% recover....I HATE > CANCER!!! What an ugly disease!!! > > Sorry for the long post....guess I needed to talk, huh?? > > Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle > Caregiver to Glenn > > P.S. Mom's birthday is July 21st, so I think I'm having a weak week!!! > Please pray for me!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2005 Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 You've got the prayers and the hugs sweetie. Glenn's in our prayers. Hope they can fix the ascites and make him more comfie. Narice PS Back in New England Montreal was wonderful Narice -- In colon_cancer_support , Grandmommyandme@a... wrote: > Hi everyone!!! > > We just returned from a 3 day wkn in southern land in our 5th wheel... > Glenn's daughter lives in VA and is driving 2.5 hrs. north and we are driving > 2.5 hrs south to meet her at a campground. Today is her birthday and she > hasn't been with her Dad for 3 yrs. on her birthday. I'm glad she made the > effort, as it could very well be her last birthday with him. Not meaning to > sound gloom, just realistic. Glenn finally, FINALLY was truthful and honest > with Missy...it was sad, b/c they were both crying and so was I. It was just > one of those moments when she broke down that I couldn't be " strong " . I > hugged her and she hugged me back. And it was such a relief TO ME!! I always > told him that if the day comes they tell us they cannot do anything more for > him, I would tell his children. It just wasn't fair to them not to know the > whole truth!!! > > We saw the Oncologist on Monday and we still have no real plan of action. > He did discuss the fact that the Liver Spec. is against the shunt surgery and > the GI Dr. is willing to go ahead. In the end, I guess Glenn is going to be > the one who will really decide. If he wants to continue with the draining > procedure on a weekly basis, preceded by several days of pain and sleeping all > day long. Then he won't have the surgery. He was drained on Thursday last > week and by yesterday, he was in pain already...couldn't even really enjoy his > daughter being there. Of course, this heat and humidity we are having doesn't > help!! > > On the other hand, the Onc. said there is another chemo we could try. He > was very surprised at the amount of tumor in the liver since the last scan, > which indicated some shrinkage of tumors. It is now 60-70% tumor. When I asked > what kind of time frame are we talking about and what symptoms will he have > when the liver continues to fail and function less and less. He said, " I > can't tell you how many months...2, 6, 12?? But I can tell you it's months, not > years, and not weeks. " So, if this is the case, Glenn is thinking along the > lines of why not try the surgery to get the Ascites under control and then > perhaps he can try the other chemo to try to reduce or at least control the > tumor?? The risk in the surgery is 1-3...not very good odds. > > So it's not really " new " news...as when we discovered the mets to the liver > from the colon, we were told average life span is 22 months.... of course, > there is always some less, some more. So it's simply an average. So even tho, > its not " new " news, it was LIKE " new " news to Glenn, who has tried to be so > optimistic all along (most of the time). It really hit him hard. A lot of > times when we talk with the Dr., Glenn hears totally different things than I > do or doesn't hear things that I do. It's really true that the Cancer Patient > needs someone to go with them to drs. etc. He now says, " I don't know how > I'm suppose to feel " ....I told him I would think that's an individual feeling. > I suggested to him to get everything out of the way and completed that he > needs to do before he gets really sick, (most of which is done...unless there > might be some amends he needs to make and he needs to get me his DD14 from > the military, so I can make arrangements at Arlington Cemetery when the time > comes) ...and then get on with living...for however long we have. I'm so very > sad, but believe I've been grieving for a long time; still I'm able to be a > little more realistic and face it than Glenn seems to be. I can usually get > through the crises...then wham-o I fall apart. Altho, now he seems to be > facing it, trying to make decisions and finally telling his children. It's > not that he lied to them, it's just he didn't tell them everything!!! > Hmmmm....there's a fine line there!!! > > He told his daughter that he would already be gone if it weren't for me > taking care of him, forcing meds, attempting to keep his diabetes under control, > getting him to drs. appts. and chemo appts.....well, you think that didn't > bring a tear to my eye!!! It was quite an emotional moment!!! > > Glenn is not sure he wants to take chemo again. He, in general, feels soooo > much better. Still not gaining any weight, b/c of the fluid draining taking > all the nutrients, but he is able to eat more often. If the chemo would > extend his life for 6 mos., a year or more...he might consider it. But if odds > are it will only extend it a couple months, he may not be willing to go > through it again. > > Still has no strength and can't get steroids, b/c of .....hmmm I forget. > Glenn's not only fighting the cancer mets to the liver, but a liver disease as > well and the clot that goes to the liver, PLUS the Varices in the esphogus, > plus the Ascites.... and diabetes!!! > > He's not angry at God and never has admitted to being mad at God (like so > many are), only at himself for not getting the colonoscopy sooner and not > eating healthier and exercising. > > I asked Glenn if there was some place he'd never been that he'd always > wanted to go...he couldn't think of one at that moment. He was in the Coast Guard > for 20 years, so he did a fair amount of travelling around the world...and > we've done a lot of travelling around the U.S. especially the coastlines > visiting lighthouses, etc. > But later on that day, he said he'd like to see the Grand Canyon and > somewhere that I can't recall right now, but it was out of the realm of possibility > of us affording to go there or me having the time to take off work. He's > always wanted to take me to Alaska; he was stationed there and said it was > beautiful, but he didn't mention that. He's always wanted to go on a cruise, but > he didn't mention that...I'm thinking of surprising him (my poor credit > cards!!! LOL) once he decides on the surgery or not, either with the cruise or > taking the 5th wheel to the Grand Canyon. I just don't know if that would be > too much for him. It might be too much for ME...as I do most of the packing > and unpacking, etc. A wkn just about does him in with driving, setting up and > taking down, which to most would be fairly easy, but it's extremely > difficult for him to get up off the ground when leveling the RV. He's just so weak > with no muscle mass. > > I have always been a strong person. I've had to be. I was a single Mom for > a hundred years and raised my 3 sons by myself. That would make anyone > tough!! LOL And I try to stay " strong " and positive for Glenn, but having just > lost my Mom; I'm feeling like I'm losing all the people I care most for to > diseases. > > My recently retired boss of 25 years has decided to fight his Pancreatic > Cancer and you know that's a hard one to beat. We all told him " someone " has to > be in the 3%, so why not him. The percentage is 3% recover....I HATE > CANCER!!! What an ugly disease!!! > > Sorry for the long post....guess I needed to talk, huh?? > > Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle > Caregiver to Glenn > > P.S. Mom's birthday is July 21st, so I think I'm having a weak week!!! > Please pray for me!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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