Re: Re: Is it fair? - mega moan

[Guest guest]

Oh, Jan, what a rotten end to a night out! My DH does this occasionally -

but gets so severely yelled at that he can be relied on to do it right until

the next time.

You have my sympathies. I hope you get some rest, and some resolution from

your husband, today and come home from your governors' meeting tonight to

find the Housework Fairy has visited.

Vicki Portman

http://www.plushpants.co.uk

> I left the family's meal ready: roast chicken, boiled potatoes, green

> salad in the fridge, bread on the side. I told both DS2 (11 yo) and

> DH, but did anyone dish up dinner? DS1 tells me that he did it

> himself over 1 hour later (potatoes must have been revolting).

>

> Before I went out I gave DS2 the hair louse treatment that he'd asked

> me to buy. All three boys *knew* I wanted them in bed reasonably

> early. I got home at 11pm, DS1 (13) and DS3 (8) were playing on the

> playstation; DS2 (11) was in the bath de-lousing (nil found); DD

> (2yo) had taken herself to bed and had a tv programme on in our room

> about blood-drinkers, and DH? He was playing solitaire on the

> computer... The dirty dinner plates were all round the the living

> room and the rubbish hadn't been collected together and put out. DH

> then wanted to watch Ali McBeal even though he'd got a 5.30 start

> this morning. No wonder he moans about being tired.

>

> I just can't handle this anymore. The children will be tired and

> grumpy. DS2 (currently in a hormonal adolescent phase) will try and

> start a fight with DS3. DS1 (who is dyspraxic) will be clumsier than

> usual and more likely to get in trouble, or be bullied, at school.

> And I have a school finance meeting this morning, and will have to be

> intelligent and alert while amusing DD at the same time.

[Guest guest]

Oh, Jan, what a rotten end to a night out! My DH does this occasionally -

but gets so severely yelled at that he can be relied on to do it right until

the next time.

You have my sympathies. I hope you get some rest, and some resolution from

your husband, today and come home from your governors' meeting tonight to

find the Housework Fairy has visited.

Vicki Portman

http://www.plushpants.co.uk

> I left the family's meal ready: roast chicken, boiled potatoes, green

> salad in the fridge, bread on the side. I told both DS2 (11 yo) and

> DH, but did anyone dish up dinner? DS1 tells me that he did it

> himself over 1 hour later (potatoes must have been revolting).

>

> Before I went out I gave DS2 the hair louse treatment that he'd asked

> me to buy. All three boys *knew* I wanted them in bed reasonably

> early. I got home at 11pm, DS1 (13) and DS3 (8) were playing on the

> playstation; DS2 (11) was in the bath de-lousing (nil found); DD

> (2yo) had taken herself to bed and had a tv programme on in our room

> about blood-drinkers, and DH? He was playing solitaire on the

> computer... The dirty dinner plates were all round the the living

> room and the rubbish hadn't been collected together and put out. DH

> then wanted to watch Ali McBeal even though he'd got a 5.30 start

> this morning. No wonder he moans about being tired.

>

> I just can't handle this anymore. The children will be tired and

> grumpy. DS2 (currently in a hormonal adolescent phase) will try and

> start a fight with DS3. DS1 (who is dyspraxic) will be clumsier than

> usual and more likely to get in trouble, or be bullied, at school.

> And I have a school finance meeting this morning, and will have to be

> intelligent and alert while amusing DD at the same time.

[Guest guest]

Last night he asked me if I'd like to go out for a walk with him. I

> don't need babysitters, and Yeshaya was out somewhere, so I said

yes,

> I'd love to go to a lovely park I often pass when out driving, and

> walk there. DH was involved in a local case at the time, and

> unfortunately his mobile went the whole time we were out walking,

and

> he spent most of it talking about the case to various interested

> parties. The upside was he felt horribly guilty and kept pressing

my

> shoulder and apologising for the lack of attention. I did

understand

> the case was urgent and couldn't wait, but told him next time

mobiles

> would be banned!<<

My dh has always worked long hours but sometimes in the summer he

tries to get home early so we can do something as a family. Last

night he met us at a local club we belong to where there are outdoor

swimming pools. The kids had all been swimming (we'd been there since

4:30) and he turned up at 6:00 to join us for the picnic I'd packed.

We ate the picnic which was really nice but then he spent the next

half an hour on the phone, talking to his partner at work, then

phoning another company, then back to his partner etc etc. I realise

he has a business to run but it really bugs me when work creeps into

our family life to this extent.

Which brings me to something that really bothers me to this day, sorry

if it's long but not managed to get it off my chest ever before. When

DS3 was born, he was a week early. DH's business partner who had been

told not to book any holidays off in May (DS3 was due 15th May),

booked the first week off, not arriving home until 10th May. In the

early hours of 8th May I was rushed by ambulance to hospital bleeding

heavily (another story). Dh came to the hospital and sat with me.

But next morning he had an urgent delivery of boxes still in his car

(he'd put his suit on to come to hospital so he could go straight to

work afterwards) and couldn't use his mobile in the hospital, so he

spent most of my labour in the car park phoning up B line and then

waiting in the car park for them. My waters were broken whilst he was

out there, and then at one point the man from B Line turned up on the

labour ward looking for him, but he was in the car park! Basically dh

came back inside just 1/2 an hour before DS3 was born, and was then

very surprised how far things had progressed. DS3 was born and after

about an hour we were taken down to the Ward. DH then rushed off to

work. I had neighbours looking after all the other kids, although

thankfully 2 of them were at school by then. DH turned up later in

the evening with all the kids.

DH swears that family will always come before work, but sometimes I

wonder........

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

[Guest guest]

Last night he asked me if I'd like to go out for a walk with him. I

> don't need babysitters, and Yeshaya was out somewhere, so I said

yes,

> I'd love to go to a lovely park I often pass when out driving, and

> walk there. DH was involved in a local case at the time, and

> unfortunately his mobile went the whole time we were out walking,

and

> he spent most of it talking about the case to various interested

> parties. The upside was he felt horribly guilty and kept pressing

my

> shoulder and apologising for the lack of attention. I did

understand

> the case was urgent and couldn't wait, but told him next time

mobiles

> would be banned!<<

My dh has always worked long hours but sometimes in the summer he

tries to get home early so we can do something as a family. Last

night he met us at a local club we belong to where there are outdoor

swimming pools. The kids had all been swimming (we'd been there since

4:30) and he turned up at 6:00 to join us for the picnic I'd packed.

We ate the picnic which was really nice but then he spent the next

half an hour on the phone, talking to his partner at work, then

phoning another company, then back to his partner etc etc. I realise

he has a business to run but it really bugs me when work creeps into

our family life to this extent.

Which brings me to something that really bothers me to this day, sorry

if it's long but not managed to get it off my chest ever before. When

DS3 was born, he was a week early. DH's business partner who had been

told not to book any holidays off in May (DS3 was due 15th May),

booked the first week off, not arriving home until 10th May. In the

early hours of 8th May I was rushed by ambulance to hospital bleeding

heavily (another story). Dh came to the hospital and sat with me.

But next morning he had an urgent delivery of boxes still in his car

(he'd put his suit on to come to hospital so he could go straight to

work afterwards) and couldn't use his mobile in the hospital, so he

spent most of my labour in the car park phoning up B line and then

waiting in the car park for them. My waters were broken whilst he was

out there, and then at one point the man from B Line turned up on the

labour ward looking for him, but he was in the car park! Basically dh

came back inside just 1/2 an hour before DS3 was born, and was then

very surprised how far things had progressed. DS3 was born and after

about an hour we were taken down to the Ward. DH then rushed off to

work. I had neighbours looking after all the other kids, although

thankfully 2 of them were at school by then. DH turned up later in

the evening with all the kids.

DH swears that family will always come before work, but sometimes I

wonder........

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

[Guest guest]

I'd love to moan about my DH but the last time I did he just " happened " to

read the e-mails. He said the groups mails weren't private however he has

taken to reading my private e-mails now. (I'd been chatting to a guy from my

badminton club) Now everything is a mess!

feeling very down and p***ed off with marriage!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Jan:

> This hit a bit of nerve. One of my " jobs " for today is drafting my

> resignation from my branch committee.

Poor you - what a rotten time. Hopefully once you have stood down

from some of some your other commitments, things should get better

(can hardly get much worse, I should think). Then at least you can

contribute as much or as little to the NCT/school/whatever else as you

feel able without feeling guilty.

Sending big hugs and hoping you get a good night's sleep (somehow it

all seems so much worse when you're exhausted).

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

[Guest guest]

Jan,

You sound like you need cheering up! Go spend some of your husbands money,

or threaten to get a cleaner in if he doesnt pull his weight. My DH is

usually pretty good, although when he is looking after DS (4 mths old), he

cant seem to do anything else, even though I have to cook, clean, wash, iron

and hoover whilst caring for him during the day!

I go and buy myself a treat once in a while on him, and thank him for it when

he gets home. Every so often he gets really lazy so I stop doing his washing

altogether and make him come to Tescos with me....he soon starts pulling his

weight!

Mum to Rohan (4 mths)

[Guest guest]

> You sound like you need cheering up! Go spend some of your husbands

money,

DH and I have an agreeement reached early in our relationship. He

watches rugby and I go out shopping.

He has always maintained he decided to marry me when I placed a

six-pack in front of him and disappeared whilst he watched rugby.

Next Saturday this will be tested ;-))))

The British and Irish Lions are playing in Melbourne. I have a

much-coveted ticket to the match (loadsa complaints in the newspaper,

black market going through the roof type) which I have offered to give

up to one of his colleagues in return for an afternoon's shoppingon

DH's bank account (ticket at cost price). I have lost 15kgs (2.5

stone) in the last few months and have in my entire wardrobe:

one pair slouching round the house/running pants

two pairs suede-look trousers

one cardigan

one 'skinny rib' sweater

one fat cable cotton sweater

three bras which ride up my back because the chest band is too big

half a dozen pair of undies that fall down because they are two sizes

too big

Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?

--

Sue

Melbourne, Australia

ps - It's sale time

[Guest guest]

Sue and Grae Woollett wrote:

>

>

> Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?

>

> --

> Sue

> Melbourne, Australia

> ps - It's sale time

No contest is it really?? Wish I could come with you!

http://www.foxstitch.co.uk/

[Guest guest]

Lorraine wrote:

> DH swears that family will always come before work, but sometimes I

> wonder........

My DH has had jobs in the past where he has isisted in the contract

that he has a 3 day weekend. The fifth day is not a working at home

day, it's an 'I work away from my family and do 35/37.5/40

hours/whatever you require working week in four days therefore you do

not disturb me and if you do I will charge you one hour's consultancy

each time you do' day. It's worked. We've rarely been called.

It is unusual and most people I know don't manage to impose this but a

couple of years ago I met someone who wanted to return to work

part-time following the birth of her child. Her employer wouldn't

play ball but recommended her to one of their clients. She took the

job with the client three days per week and told them (her new

employer) 'You can contact me on the days I don't work. However if I

do not answer the phone it is because I am busy. I may be drinving

the car, changing a nappy or otherwise enganged but when it is over I

will collect your message and return your call'. True enough, when

we met for lunch she would always turn off her mobile.

They are the only two people I have ever met who have been so

restrictive about this but but neither of them seems to have lost

respect from anyone by imposing such rules.

--

Sue

Melbourne, Australia

[Guest guest]

Lorraine wrote:

> DH swears that family will always come before work, but sometimes I

> wonder........

My DH has had jobs in the past where he has isisted in the contract

that he has a 3 day weekend. The fifth day is not a working at home

day, it's an 'I work away from my family and do 35/37.5/40

hours/whatever you require working week in four days therefore you do

not disturb me and if you do I will charge you one hour's consultancy

each time you do' day. It's worked. We've rarely been called.

It is unusual and most people I know don't manage to impose this but a

couple of years ago I met someone who wanted to return to work

part-time following the birth of her child. Her employer wouldn't

play ball but recommended her to one of their clients. She took the

job with the client three days per week and told them (her new

employer) 'You can contact me on the days I don't work. However if I

do not answer the phone it is because I am busy. I may be drinving

the car, changing a nappy or otherwise enganged but when it is over I

will collect your message and return your call'. True enough, when

we met for lunch she would always turn off her mobile.

They are the only two people I have ever met who have been so

restrictive about this but but neither of them seems to have lost

respect from anyone by imposing such rules.

--

Sue

Melbourne, Australia

[Guest guest]

Yeh me too those Rugby lads are dead hunky. How many in each team???? All

that testosterone in the air and pure physical strength. Give me rugby

anyday.

> Sue and Grae Woollett wrote:

>

> > Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?

> >

[Guest guest]

Yeh me too those Rugby lads are dead hunky. How many in each team???? All

that testosterone in the air and pure physical strength. Give me rugby

anyday.

> Sue and Grae Woollett wrote:

>

> > Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?

> >

[Guest guest]

> Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?<<

Are you kidding????!!! SHOPPING, of course!!!!!

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

[Guest guest]

> Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?<<

Are you kidding????!!! SHOPPING, of course!!!!!

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

[Guest guest]

& -Jane wrote:

> Yeh me too those Rugby lads are dead hunky. How many in each team???? All

> that testosterone in the air and pure physical strength. Give me rugby

> anyday.

>

>

>

>

> > Sue and Grae Woollett wrote:

> >

> > > Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?

> > >

Sorry - I'd choose shopping any day and I'm pretty sure Sue would too!

http://www.foxstitch.co.uk/

[Guest guest]

>& -Jane wrote:

>

>> Yeh me too those Rugby lads are dead hunky. How many in each team???? All

>> that testosterone in the air and pure physical strength. Give me rugby

>> anyday.

>>

>>

>>

>>

>> > Sue and Grae Woollett wrote:

>> >

>> > > Hmmm, rugby or shopping? Which should I choose?

>> > >

>

>Sorry - I'd choose shopping any day and I'm pretty sure Sue would too!

Me too! I am already pondering how to get my sons out of ever having

to play rugby without causing them too much social embarrassment.

(But my DH thinks watching sport is a really bizarre notion)

--

jennifer@...

Vaudin

[Guest guest]

> - I know just how you feel! I often find myself moaning about

> my DH to the others when I attend our House-Group (through church).

> I always feel bad about complaining to friends (like I'm telling

> tales out of school) but I also feel much better when I've got it all

> off my chest!

DH doesn't realise how much I NEED to talk about things (good and bad) and

especially doesn't like me talking to anyone about what he would describe as

" private " . He had a bit of a go at you lot on this list last night [but I am

still here]

> If I had been E-Mailing them to this

> group (the complaints I mean) and he had then read them and been

> upset I would have told him not to be so daft - after all it's just

> girl's talk and bad feelings are always better out than in.

Shame he couldn't see this though.

> I must

> say that I do agree with Ruthie, that in a good marriage you do need

> to be honest with each other, and it's better if you tell him things

> before he finds out anyway.

I try to talk to him but find it difficult and feel he only wants to hear

what he wants to and ignores the rest - and therefore misses the real point

of me talking to him.

> As for the friend from badminton, I

> imagine your DH felt a bit hurt that you were talking to someone else

> about things, *but* that is HIS PROBLEM not yours - you really need

> to talk to others sometimes and your DH needs to understand that. It

> doesn't mean everything has gone wrong, you married *him* for his

> good points and I'm sure they are still there!

I said I still wanted to meet up with this friend for a chat which he took

as me wanting to commit adultery. Now it is all out in the open (so to

speak) he still thinks this which makes me so angry. I don't want to rock

the boat anymore but I would still like to get out of this house for some

grownup conversation WITHOUT DS, be it flirtatious it doesn't mean I am

committing adultery does it?

[Guest guest]

> - I know just how you feel! I often find myself moaning about

> my DH to the others when I attend our House-Group (through church).

> I always feel bad about complaining to friends (like I'm telling

> tales out of school) but I also feel much better when I've got it all

> off my chest!

DH doesn't realise how much I NEED to talk about things (good and bad) and

especially doesn't like me talking to anyone about what he would describe as

" private " . He had a bit of a go at you lot on this list last night [but I am

still here]

> If I had been E-Mailing them to this

> group (the complaints I mean) and he had then read them and been

> upset I would have told him not to be so daft - after all it's just

> girl's talk and bad feelings are always better out than in.

Shame he couldn't see this though.

> I must

> say that I do agree with Ruthie, that in a good marriage you do need

> to be honest with each other, and it's better if you tell him things

> before he finds out anyway.

I try to talk to him but find it difficult and feel he only wants to hear

what he wants to and ignores the rest - and therefore misses the real point

of me talking to him.

> As for the friend from badminton, I

> imagine your DH felt a bit hurt that you were talking to someone else

> about things, *but* that is HIS PROBLEM not yours - you really need

> to talk to others sometimes and your DH needs to understand that. It

> doesn't mean everything has gone wrong, you married *him* for his

> good points and I'm sure they are still there!

I said I still wanted to meet up with this friend for a chat which he took

as me wanting to commit adultery. Now it is all out in the open (so to

speak) he still thinks this which makes me so angry. I don't want to rock

the boat anymore but I would still like to get out of this house for some

grownup conversation WITHOUT DS, be it flirtatious it doesn't mean I am

committing adultery does it?

[Guest guest]

> - I know just how you feel! I often find myself moaning about

> my DH to the others when I attend our House-Group (through church).

> I always feel bad about complaining to friends (like I'm telling

> tales out of school) but I also feel much better when I've got it all

> off my chest!

DH doesn't realise how much I NEED to talk about things (good and bad) and

especially doesn't like me talking to anyone about what he would describe as

" private " . He had a bit of a go at you lot on this list last night [but I am

still here]

> If I had been E-Mailing them to this

> group (the complaints I mean) and he had then read them and been

> upset I would have told him not to be so daft - after all it's just

> girl's talk and bad feelings are always better out than in.

Shame he couldn't see this though.

> I must

> say that I do agree with Ruthie, that in a good marriage you do need

> to be honest with each other, and it's better if you tell him things

> before he finds out anyway.

I try to talk to him but find it difficult and feel he only wants to hear

what he wants to and ignores the rest - and therefore misses the real point

of me talking to him.

> As for the friend from badminton, I

> imagine your DH felt a bit hurt that you were talking to someone else

> about things, *but* that is HIS PROBLEM not yours - you really need

> to talk to others sometimes and your DH needs to understand that. It

> doesn't mean everything has gone wrong, you married *him* for his

> good points and I'm sure they are still there!

I said I still wanted to meet up with this friend for a chat which he took

as me wanting to commit adultery. Now it is all out in the open (so to

speak) he still thinks this which makes me so angry. I don't want to rock

the boat anymore but I would still like to get out of this house for some

grownup conversation WITHOUT DS, be it flirtatious it doesn't mean I am

committing adultery does it?

[Guest guest]

> I would still like to get out of this house for some

> grownup conversation WITHOUT DS, be it flirtatious it doesn't mean I

am

> committing adultery does it?

Being on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu ;-)

--

Sue

Dieting. 11.1 kgs lost in 10 weeks :-))

[Guest guest]

> I would still like to get out of this house for some

> grownup conversation WITHOUT DS, be it flirtatious it doesn't mean I

am

> committing adultery does it?

Being on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu ;-)

--

Sue

Dieting. 11.1 kgs lost in 10 weeks :-))

[Guest guest]

> I would still like to get out of this house for some

> grownup conversation WITHOUT DS, be it flirtatious it doesn't mean I

am

> committing adultery does it?

Being on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu ;-)

--

Sue

Dieting. 11.1 kgs lost in 10 weeks :-))

[Guest guest]

<<

>>

LOL this reminds me of my dh's grandma she told me... YOU can look at the menu

as long as you don't order

she was 94 at the time ;o)...

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you

start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

[Guest guest]

> No, of course not! (unless you want to of course but I wouldn't

> advise that at all) Just be careful, you don't want to give this new

> friend the wrong idea, he may take advantage and then there's no

> going

I don't particularly want to no - just like getting to know someone who

isn't bored with you mentioning things (which you have done before -

therefore no interest value)

> " Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus " ?

Got this book ages ago, I picked through it and DH wasn't really interested.

Wasn't it by a male author?

in chat all alone