Re: Is it fair? Billy(sorry a bit long)

[Guest guest]

,

I don't really know what to say as obviously I don't know you or your

dh ,I just know I spent years feeling guilty for even going out with

female friends about once every three months or so and suffering the

bad moods etc afterwards.However during the whole time I was with him

(14yrs)I didn't ever consider having an affair(not saying you are)I

wanted to know that I left him because I knwew there was nowhere else

to go with the relationship not because I had got someone else to

support me(I'm quite capable of doing that myself)emotionally.I knew

it was well and truley over before I made the final decision.If you

feel you want to make things work you need to give it all you've got

and then you know you have done your best whatever the outcome.I can

honestly say that once I made the break I felt like a huge weight had

been lifted from my shoulders.

For the first time in my life I can go out and meet people without

feeling a single twinge of aprehension.I've been out over this

weekend and have met some fascinating people and have been relaxed

doing so ,I feel so much stronger nnow.The most important part in any

relationship is trust you should be with a person because you feel

good about being with them and thats not the same as feeling you have

to be with them all the time.

I'm probably talking a load of rubbish in which case I will be put in

my place very quickly ; 0)

it's just my opinion that someone who loves you will be pleased if

you have a whole full life and not feel the need to check up on you

all the time.

Sonjia

[Guest guest]

> it's just my opinion that someone who loves you will be pleased if

> you have a whole full life and not feel the need to check up on you

> all the time.

>

> Sonjia

How I agree. My DH may not be perfect by any means but he gives me my

wings. I am a bit of a free spirit even though I never fly very far,

I need to know that I can do more or less what I want with my own time

and he will never query it. He may not have approved of all my crazy

schemes and sideline jobs, such as the couple of years I wrote lyrics

with extremely unsavoury looking pop musicians, but he didn't stop me

or hassle me about it. By not clipping my wings throughout our long

(34 yr) marriage DH has ensured I always fly home.

The worst feeling in the world IMO, anyway, is to feel trapped.

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

> The worst feeling in the world IMO, anyway, is to feel trapped.

Oh yesssss! Once I was married to a suspicious alcoholic who beat me. We

were married less than two years. I loved him. I wanted to make it work. I

despaired.

Then one day a lovely lovely man, who is now my brother in law, my sister's

one and only true love said to me

" One day, Sue, you are going to have to decide, you will either get out or

go under "

I got out that very day. He helped me pack and we ran away. We collected my

sister and went on an adventure.

I grew up that day and have been my own person ever since. My wonderful

husband waited years to ask me to marry him because he was afraid I would

disappear and he's always said " whatever makes you happy... " and he means

it!

Oh what memories...

Sue

[Guest guest]

> I grew up that day and have been my own person ever since. My

wonderful

> husband waited years to ask me to marry him because he was afraid I

would

> disappear and he's always said " whatever makes you happy... " and he

means

> it!

>

> Oh what memories...

> Sue

I guess thats a lot to do with why I feel so happy now despite the

fact I am now homeless!Well not quite but my house sale has been

completed but I'm still living here unofficially.At least now though

I have a futuere to look forward to for so long now I have been

looking at this picture of bleakness now who knows where life maty

take me.......I'm not niave enough to think it will all be roses but

I have the possibility of turning my life around and bringing my

children up in the positive way in which I want to.

Sonjia

[Guest guest]

By the way I would love to hear about this adventure!!!; 0)

It was also down to a lovely person that I spoke to online(we still

speak reguarly now)that I realised what I was missing.It was nothing

much he just said " doesn't he realise what he's doing to you by not

giving you any freedom " He still says now that he thought I would sort

things out with my ex he certainly never tried to influence me to

leave it was just the way he said things that made me realise that I

had my own life to lead and so much of the last few years has been a

pretence I'm at last finding out who I really am.

Sonjia