Re: SAHMs, career women etc. (LONG)

[Guest guest]

Karina, I wanted to join in this discussion earlier but been too busy

with work!

I have been kind of wondering about not working too, but not in such a

serious way and have decided to carry on working. I think I just had a

supreme attack of guilt brought on by having some time off and

enjoying pottering about with my daughter, once I got back to work I

realised that was important to me too.

I consider myself immensely lucky because I have a part-time job that

I enjoy (3 days a week), with a reasonably family friendly employer

(e.g. can work at home if necessary), good holidays, workplace nursery

etc. It was effortless to change my job from FT to PT when my dd was

born. I suppose I am lucky in that my 'career', in academic research,

is female dominated, and seems better than many in being able to adapt

to family life.

I have really been wondering about what influences these decisions. My

own parents brought me up very equally. They were able to share

looking after me while working at home until I was two, when I went to

nursery. My mother has always had a 'career', a more important one

than my father with higher earnings too. Now my partner and I try and

share the childcare as much as possible. Although I work less than my

partner who works full-time, in some ways I have more than a career

than him. I have the potential to earn more than him (if I worked FT)

and I am the only one who has a degree and training. He loves his job

as a cabinet maker and I love it too as it makes him happy and most

days he is home by 5.30pm. I had to go back to work when Tabby was 3

months old because he wasn't working at the time, and I definitely

feel that the pressure is on me to provide some security for us by

continuing to work.

Sorry this has turned into a ramble, I just wanted to share a bit

about how I think. I am sure you will make the right decision for you

in the end and lucky you for having such a fab husband to support you

On a lighter note if you decide to give up your paid job the numbers

of us working outside the home on this list must be dwindling! I feel

a bit left out sometimes and my partner says I shouldn't read all the

messages as he thinks they make me feel guilty (they usually don't).

____________

(24), mum to Tabby (20 months)

[Guest guest]

Karina, I wanted to join in this discussion earlier but been too busy

with work!

I have been kind of wondering about not working too, but not in such a

serious way and have decided to carry on working. I think I just had a

supreme attack of guilt brought on by having some time off and

enjoying pottering about with my daughter, once I got back to work I

realised that was important to me too.

I consider myself immensely lucky because I have a part-time job that

I enjoy (3 days a week), with a reasonably family friendly employer

(e.g. can work at home if necessary), good holidays, workplace nursery

etc. It was effortless to change my job from FT to PT when my dd was

born. I suppose I am lucky in that my 'career', in academic research,

is female dominated, and seems better than many in being able to adapt

to family life.

I have really been wondering about what influences these decisions. My

own parents brought me up very equally. They were able to share

looking after me while working at home until I was two, when I went to

nursery. My mother has always had a 'career', a more important one

than my father with higher earnings too. Now my partner and I try and

share the childcare as much as possible. Although I work less than my

partner who works full-time, in some ways I have more than a career

than him. I have the potential to earn more than him (if I worked FT)

and I am the only one who has a degree and training. He loves his job

as a cabinet maker and I love it too as it makes him happy and most

days he is home by 5.30pm. I had to go back to work when Tabby was 3

months old because he wasn't working at the time, and I definitely

feel that the pressure is on me to provide some security for us by

continuing to work.

Sorry this has turned into a ramble, I just wanted to share a bit

about how I think. I am sure you will make the right decision for you

in the end and lucky you for having such a fab husband to support you

On a lighter note if you decide to give up your paid job the numbers

of us working outside the home on this list must be dwindling! I feel

a bit left out sometimes and my partner says I shouldn't read all the

messages as he thinks they make me feel guilty (they usually don't).

____________

(24), mum to Tabby (20 months)

[Guest guest]

>>>On a lighter note if you decide to give up your paid job the numbers of us

working outside the home on this list must be dwindling! I feel a bit left out

sometimes and my partner says I shouldn't read all the messages as he thinks

they make me feel guilty (they usually don't).

I know what you mean!

Now when I am part time I wonder how I ever managed to cope with DD when I was

working full time... how did I get time to discuss her development, and buy her

clothes, and throw out her old toys, and worry about her future. (But I did!).

I'm sure if I quit work I will wonder how I ever coped with working at all...

Let's not to feel guilty though, those of us who work have good reasons for

doing so... and we're still as good mums as we can be!

(It's a fine balance isn't it - doing all you can for the kids, but at the same

time giving you and them breathing space... I am slightly concerned that if I

give up work I would channel all my energy into the babes and become an

overanalysing, overprotective, psychoanalysing mum with 17 childrearing manuals

under my arm... LOL).

Karina - home sick today, and no babies at home, so lots of time to write

messages for a change!!

Mum to Emilia (Oct 98) and Sebastian (Aug 00)

[Guest guest]

> Karina - home sick today, and no babies at home, so lots of time to

write messages for a change!!

> Mum to Emilia (Oct 98) and Sebastian (Aug 00)

Ah now there's a problem with being a SAHM. When you're sick you

still have the kids around unless you have very good family/friends

around who will take them off your hands because you can't move more

than 10 feet from the loo.

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

>I have really been wondering about what influences these decisions.

I think that's very relevant. My mother worked teaching part time

when I was 2-3. My father was away at the time on a course, not home

every weekend, and she was away from family. I have no doubt that it

was the right thing for her to do in a time when there were fewer

things to do for SAHMs than there are in many places now. But it

wasn't much fun for me - better when she took me with her than at the

nursery she remembers as very nice and I don't. So I suppose I am a

bit sensitive to the idea of child care for my children, remembering

that however nice it seems to me, they may feel differently. (It can

work the other way - DS1 appears to have been very happy at the

playgroup which I only sent him to by default 'cos they'd take him in

nappies)

I thought my mother made a very good job of being a housewife and

mother. She always seemed to do interesting things and make routine

things interesting and be interested in lots of stuff. She was a

member of the local Arts Society (some bloke asked her to come up and

look at his lithographs, ooh er) She contemplated adopting and looked

into joining a specialist social services run childminding facility,

and she ran a playgroup (after all of us were past that age). It

probably did help that she had trained as a primary teacher. She also

did adult literacy work. I think I was a teenager before she started

doing supply teaching - and then she changed tack and went to work in

a retirement home and she was *really* good at that, and still goes

down there a lot now she's finished. I think she probably taught me a

lot about making the most of life - she'd say " I think I'll treat

myself to a new dishcloth " - we'd all laugh, but... We moved around a

fair bit so I think it was pretty tough for her, but she has a talent

I don't have for chatting to people in the street. I don't know that

*she* would say that she'd had a full and satisfying life (I don't

know how she's put up with my father - he makes a better father than

a partner IMHO) but she made it look that way.

That said, when my brother was in his maximally obnoxious teenage

phase, he did tell her she was a cabbage and said why didn't she find

herself (He wasn't that impressed when finding herself involved not

being home to cook his tea!)

I trained as a 3-9 teacher (specialising in nursery) and as a health

visitor and I sometimes feel that I was really in training to be a

mother. I think it would feel weird for me to go out and do the job

for other people's children and not my own, but it would be different

if I had another professional background.

--

jennifer@...

Vaudin