Re: Older child: younger children

[Guest guest]

Doesnt sound like jealousy to me becaux=se she has had 2 yrs 9 mths to get

used to the idea after all! Sounds like she is being a typical girl at that

age, self obsessed, in a dream world, and slightly selfish. Maybe dont leave

her on her own with the young ones judging by her past record, until she

proves she can be trusted. It is probably a bit of a bore to her to have to

watch them, as the age gap is quite wide, and we all know what hormones can

do to your moods!!

Good luck anyway, glad I only have a boy to deal with (at the moment!!)

SAHM to Rohan (4 mths0

[Guest guest]

Doesnt sound like jealousy to me becaux=se she has had 2 yrs 9 mths to get

used to the idea after all! Sounds like she is being a typical girl at that

age, self obsessed, in a dream world, and slightly selfish. Maybe dont leave

her on her own with the young ones judging by her past record, until she

proves she can be trusted. It is probably a bit of a bore to her to have to

watch them, as the age gap is quite wide, and we all know what hormones can

do to your moods!!

Good luck anyway, glad I only have a boy to deal with (at the moment!!)

SAHM to Rohan (4 mths0

[Guest guest]

> I'm increasingly despairing about my eldest DD, who's 12.

Twelve *is* the beginning of the teens, no doubt. A girl of this age

matures quicker than a boy but everyone is individual. Kids don't

mature at an even rate, as your daughter aptly illustrates, part of

her is still very much a baby, while parts of her want desperately to

grow up.

By demonstrating her apparent irresponsibility with her younger

siblings, she is showing you her baby side, and saying " I don't want

to be lumbered with child care, I want to be a little girl too. "

Maybe she has heard horrror stories from her friends of being used as

unpaid babysitters/childminders if they showed too much maturity. I

would certainly regard a 12 yr old as grown up enough to look after

younger siblings for a while; when my eldest (now 34) was 12 we

stopped getting babysitters altogether, and she was grown up enough to

bath and put the younger ones to bed. But she was exceptionally

mature for her age.

It seems to me that you are trying too hard to please her. She isn't

doing anything major that requires her to change. She is being a

teenager; mixed up, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish. Indulging

her won't help her change, all it will do is show her that her

behaviour reaps rewards.

I wouldn't punish her either. I don't believe she is doing anything on

purpose. I wouldnt try too hard to go down to her level of

conversation, most teenagers find that cringingly embarrassing if

their parents suddenly try and become their friends.

Since she is your eldest, I can well understand your feelings of

confusion about suddenly having a teenager in the house. But take it

from one who has weathered and survived 8 of the so-and-so's;

surviving a teen requires you to take several steps backwards and look

at the situation with a detached amusement. If she is showing you she

can't be trusted with the younger ones, don't give her any

responsibility with them. Nothing will bring her round faster than

the idea that you think her too immature to be trusted. And if she

doesn't show any interest in being your " Little helper " for a while

leave it. She will, eventually, want to show how grown up she is, as

the babyish part of her gradually fades.

I would continue to allow her to go outwith friends unsupervised, I

don't know why you think her too young for this? But don't expect

anything of her as a result.

So the suggestions are: Take several steps backward. Don't take

anything personally. Teenagers are totally bemused by their parents

getting upset by *anything* they do. They can't help themselves most

of the time.

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

> I'm increasingly despairing about my eldest DD, who's 12.

Twelve *is* the beginning of the teens, no doubt. A girl of this age

matures quicker than a boy but everyone is individual. Kids don't

mature at an even rate, as your daughter aptly illustrates, part of

her is still very much a baby, while parts of her want desperately to

grow up.

By demonstrating her apparent irresponsibility with her younger

siblings, she is showing you her baby side, and saying " I don't want

to be lumbered with child care, I want to be a little girl too. "

Maybe she has heard horrror stories from her friends of being used as

unpaid babysitters/childminders if they showed too much maturity. I

would certainly regard a 12 yr old as grown up enough to look after

younger siblings for a while; when my eldest (now 34) was 12 we

stopped getting babysitters altogether, and she was grown up enough to

bath and put the younger ones to bed. But she was exceptionally

mature for her age.

It seems to me that you are trying too hard to please her. She isn't

doing anything major that requires her to change. She is being a

teenager; mixed up, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish. Indulging

her won't help her change, all it will do is show her that her

behaviour reaps rewards.

I wouldn't punish her either. I don't believe she is doing anything on

purpose. I wouldnt try too hard to go down to her level of

conversation, most teenagers find that cringingly embarrassing if

their parents suddenly try and become their friends.

Since she is your eldest, I can well understand your feelings of

confusion about suddenly having a teenager in the house. But take it

from one who has weathered and survived 8 of the so-and-so's;

surviving a teen requires you to take several steps backwards and look

at the situation with a detached amusement. If she is showing you she

can't be trusted with the younger ones, don't give her any

responsibility with them. Nothing will bring her round faster than

the idea that you think her too immature to be trusted. And if she

doesn't show any interest in being your " Little helper " for a while

leave it. She will, eventually, want to show how grown up she is, as

the babyish part of her gradually fades.

I would continue to allow her to go outwith friends unsupervised, I

don't know why you think her too young for this? But don't expect

anything of her as a result.

So the suggestions are: Take several steps backward. Don't take

anything personally. Teenagers are totally bemused by their parents

getting upset by *anything* they do. They can't help themselves most

of the time.

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

> Ruthie, you are stretching my mathematical skills beyond their ken

> when you say your teenage DH is sometimes unreasonable

>

> ;-))

>

> Caro

Sorry did I say DH??? I mean DS Yeshaya!! BLUSH. Mind you DH can also

be unreasonable...

>

> PS Thanks for great and timely advice

Pleasure. But I can't remember what advice?

Ruthie