Secret Diary Copy 13/7/01

[Guest guest]

You would think that in July you could safely book a bouncy castle for

your daughter's birthday party and be reasonably sure it was not going

to rain, wouldn't you? Maybe I'm the only unreasonably optimistic

person on the planet. When I booked it, my mind was off in sunny

Spain. When we got off the plane last week my heart sank - what on

earth was I going to do with 10 toddlers on a rainy day?

The thought of them rampaging round our house was not pleasant.

Although, in truth there is not a lot they could do to our place that

hasn't already been done by our own three. The carpets are stained,

the paint is chipped, the wallpaper torn; there is graffiti in the

loo.

However I still have grim memories of Emma having a party where they

all trotted upstairs on pretext of wanting the toilet - I was young

and green and thought it was sweet that they all wanted to go

together. Until I discovered that all my jewellery and make-up had

been filched from my room and was now liberally applied to six giggly

girls and a terrified Custard was hiding under the bed covered in bits

of pink ribbon.

Food can be a bit of a nightmare as well. I have stopped putting

sandwiches on the party menu as only adults think these are a good

idea. The kids just ignore them and pig out on crisps, cake and jelly

and after all that frantic slicing and spreading you are left with

enough sandwiches to supply 's office with lunch for the next

week. Unfortunately grown men aren't that fond of star shaped eggie

sandwiches.

Experience has also taught me not to even think about putting anything

on cocktail sticks, particularly if Kieran is around because he takes

great delight in bursting all the balloons. As there is usually some

fragile flower amongst the guests who hates loud bangs this then

results in floods of tears and my small boy being relegated to the

stairs.

I spent most of the week anxiously watching the weather but on the

birthday morning had to admit defeat. Even if it stopped raining long

enough to get them out and bouncing our back garden was a mud bath.

So, having despatched the birthday girl to nursery, complete with her

" I am 3 " badge, I started a frantic round of phone calls to find an

alternative venue.

Luckily, the local indoor adventure playground had room for us and it

all turned out to be very easy. In fact it was so easy I wondered why

I had ever thought about doing it at home in the first case.

Guilt I suppose. I still think I should be some kind of supermum who

can produce beautiful handmade birthday cake and provide non-stop

entertainment. Since an unfortunate incident with pin the tail on the

donkey at Kieran's third birthday I am a bit wary of party games.

Children are just so much more sophisticated now and seem to expect so

much more. Pass the parcel has to be done with a sweet or even whole

packet of sweets between each layer. They never did that when I was

little - you thought yourself lucky if the end prize was a packet of

polos. You can't play musical chairs anymore in case ny hurts

himself and his parents sue. And musical statues takes forever as

they are all so good at being totally inert in front of a computer

screen that they can last for hours.

So it was a relief to let them all loose in a padded soft space and

let someone else find the lost sock in the ballpond and clean up the

sick. All I had to do was sign a large cheque and provide the party

bags. In my day we were lucky if we got a bit of cake in a napkin.

Nowadays there seems to be a bit of a competition provide bigger and

better gifts for the guests. I opted for pink plastic tat,

guaranteed to go down well with three year old girls and went home

feeling pleased I will never have to plan a home party again.

Copyright Evening Chronicle 13/7/01

Lesley

ANT, tr BFC, Mother, Wife, Friend, Mender of Broken Hearts,

Keeper of Secrets, Chauffeur, Cook, Maid, Writer. Overweight, Over

thirty, Over here in Worthing..

" Believing Oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional

mind! " Star Trek.