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Re: Re: Young school starters was dry at night

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With a child of similar bent (!), I can empathise totally. I'm sure the other

mothers are actually being fairly sympathetic, even if they *are* thinking

" Thank goodness that isn't *my* child " !

However, I've found that DS1 behaves much better when I'm not around, and

certainly when without his brothers, so I wouldn't panic too much about this

sort of behaviour continuing when he starts school. I wouldn't stress too much

about it and it might be an idea to totally ignore his behaviour. The teachers

are used to it and telling him off might only serve to associate school with bad

feelings in his mind, IYSWIM. Perhaps speaking to the teachers beforehand might

help. Find out what they expect you to do - tell him off/keep him under

control, or just let him find his own level. It's a hugely new experience for

him and this might just be his way of coping with feelings which are unfamiliar

to him.

Alison

I know, don't get me started.....well OK then.....for the last 2 weeks

mothers and new starters have been invited to the infant schools

storytime on a Thursday (20 minutes before the end of school). We

have been both times and both times DS1 is the *only* child jiggling

about, not paying attention, giggling with his brother. I've

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I know rationally that he is young and not interested, and that is

> fair enough, but to be there with all these other mothers...whose

> children behave/sit still (not spin around on the table on their

> tummy) .....to know that they are thinking...thank goodness *my* child

> isn't behaving like that or.... " what sort of a mother is she that she

> can't control her child " .....it's awful....I have decided that my

> relationship with DS1 does not benefit by these events (my fault

> entirely) so in my head I've decided I'm not doing it anymore. (Though

> I know he could benefit from some familiarisation with the school).

>

> Does anyone else have any suggestions?

Eeeek! I hate situations like that and generally avoid if at all possible!

I think I would be worried if he's showing such clear signs that he's not

ready for school. So much of it seems to be about the ability to sit still

and listen quietly - and if they can't do that they get labelled as naughty.

I know my DS1 finds sitting still for long periods hard and he's 5 1/2. Dh

went to his sharing assembly the other week (long drawn out boring affair

for the children not actively participating) and apparently ds spent the

whole time either flopped forward on the floor, sitting sideways staring out

the window or picking his nose! I'm just glad I wasn't there ;o)

Have you explored the possibly of holding him back for a year?

Hannah, 27

Mum to Bethany 7, Lawrence 5 1/2, Verity 3, Alfie 4 months

Visit me on the web at :-

http://hannahshome.20m.com

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I know rationally that he is young and not interested, and that is

> fair enough, but to be there with all these other mothers...whose

> children behave/sit still (not spin around on the table on their

> tummy) .....to know that they are thinking...thank goodness *my* child

> isn't behaving like that or.... " what sort of a mother is she that she

> can't control her child " .....it's awful....I have decided that my

> relationship with DS1 does not benefit by these events (my fault

> entirely) so in my head I've decided I'm not doing it anymore. (Though

> I know he could benefit from some familiarisation with the school).

>

> Does anyone else have any suggestions?

Eeeek! I hate situations like that and generally avoid if at all possible!

I think I would be worried if he's showing such clear signs that he's not

ready for school. So much of it seems to be about the ability to sit still

and listen quietly - and if they can't do that they get labelled as naughty.

I know my DS1 finds sitting still for long periods hard and he's 5 1/2. Dh

went to his sharing assembly the other week (long drawn out boring affair

for the children not actively participating) and apparently ds spent the

whole time either flopped forward on the floor, sitting sideways staring out

the window or picking his nose! I'm just glad I wasn't there ;o)

Have you explored the possibly of holding him back for a year?

Hannah, 27

Mum to Bethany 7, Lawrence 5 1/2, Verity 3, Alfie 4 months

Visit me on the web at :-

http://hannahshome.20m.com

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Yes, I have been told that I'm not obliged to send him until he is 5

but then he will have to start in Year One (rather than reception).

So no advantage there - Cambridgeshire rules.

The school does *allow* me (wow) to send him part time for as long as

I wish though - which is good. They do seem clued up & pretty child

focused, and will make allowances, I've already spoken to the Head

teacher. However it is just sickening to think that if he were born 4

days later he would be in another year and so much more advantaged.

I can' get my head around the fact that one teacher is going to be

able to cope with 25 children of this age effectively. (I have my

problems with 2). As you say Eeeek!

phine

(Mum to 3.5 & Ben 2.5, Cambridge NCT)

> Have you explored the possibly of holding him back for a year?

>

> Hannah, 27

> Mum to Bethany 7, Lawrence 5 1/2, Verity 3, Alfie 4 months

>

>

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> The school does *allow* me (wow) to send him part time for as long

as

> I wish though - which is good.

My sister started school part-time years ago - she's 29 now!

She was supposed to be there full-time but used to come home for lunch

and fall fast asleep and Mum hadn't got the heart to send her back.

She wasn't particularly young for her year, I don't think - she's a

March 'baby' - but was always a good sleeper, apparently.

--

Sue

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..... " what sort of a mother is she that she

> can't control her child " .....it's awful....I have decided that my

> relationship with DS1 does not benefit by these events (my fault

> entirely) so in my head I've decided I'm not doing it anymore.

(Though

> I know he could benefit from some familiarisation with the school).

>

> Does anyone else have any suggestions?<<

Having been through similar things myself I found what worked best was

to actually be out of sight of my child as he played up far more if I

was there. Is it possible to leave him in the room on his own and

perhaps wait outside? If he himself is not happy about this, then

perhaps a little chat explaining that if he sits quietly like the

other children then you will stay with him, but if he plays up then

you will have to leave the room.

I actually had a similar experience yesterday when I took ph (3)

to visit the pre-school he will be going to in September. At song

time he yelled and screamed and wouldn't sit quietly, running around

like a mad thing. So, after outdoor play, when they all had to come

in and listen to a story, I didn't go back in, just waited outside.

And I could see him through the window sitting on the mat as good as

gold listening intently. Now I know it would have been a different

story if I'd been sitting there too.

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

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..... " what sort of a mother is she that she

> can't control her child " .....it's awful....I have decided that my

> relationship with DS1 does not benefit by these events (my fault

> entirely) so in my head I've decided I'm not doing it anymore.

(Though

> I know he could benefit from some familiarisation with the school).

>

> Does anyone else have any suggestions?<<

Having been through similar things myself I found what worked best was

to actually be out of sight of my child as he played up far more if I

was there. Is it possible to leave him in the room on his own and

perhaps wait outside? If he himself is not happy about this, then

perhaps a little chat explaining that if he sits quietly like the

other children then you will stay with him, but if he plays up then

you will have to leave the room.

I actually had a similar experience yesterday when I took ph (3)

to visit the pre-school he will be going to in September. At song

time he yelled and screamed and wouldn't sit quietly, running around

like a mad thing. So, after outdoor play, when they all had to come

in and listen to a story, I didn't go back in, just waited outside.

And I could see him through the window sitting on the mat as good as

gold listening intently. Now I know it would have been a different

story if I'd been sitting there too.

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

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..... " what sort of a mother is she that she

> can't control her child " .....it's awful....I have decided that my

> relationship with DS1 does not benefit by these events (my fault

> entirely) so in my head I've decided I'm not doing it anymore.

(Though

> I know he could benefit from some familiarisation with the school).

>

> Does anyone else have any suggestions?<<

Having been through similar things myself I found what worked best was

to actually be out of sight of my child as he played up far more if I

was there. Is it possible to leave him in the room on his own and

perhaps wait outside? If he himself is not happy about this, then

perhaps a little chat explaining that if he sits quietly like the

other children then you will stay with him, but if he plays up then

you will have to leave the room.

I actually had a similar experience yesterday when I took ph (3)

to visit the pre-school he will be going to in September. At song

time he yelled and screamed and wouldn't sit quietly, running around

like a mad thing. So, after outdoor play, when they all had to come

in and listen to a story, I didn't go back in, just waited outside.

And I could see him through the window sitting on the mat as good as

gold listening intently. Now I know it would have been a different

story if I'd been sitting there too.

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

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>With a child of similar bent (!), I can empathise totally. I'm sure

>the other mothers are actually being fairly sympathetic, even if

>they *are* thinking " Thank goodness that isn't *my* child " !

At a La Leche League meeting a while back a leader was delegated to

look after DS1 so I could participate. She said that he was lovely

(which he is, but I think she must have been relying on memory that

day!) but she was so glad he wasn't hers.

It does seem a bit 'in at the deep end' to choose story time for the

young ones to join in with, so perhaps, depending on the school, best

not to judge how he might cope overall on his behaviour with this

(especially since story time often comes at the end of a session for

the actual children attending, so they've had time to 'get with the

programme') I was a bit concerned about DS1 who had got less able to

settle in the months before he started playgroup and I think both

groups found him a bit challenging initially but my impression is

that things are fine now (He is probably always going to be a bit

unbiddable in certain very specific ways where he takes after DH)

--

jennifer@...

Vaudin

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