Re: Scan Update from Jenni

[Guest guest]

Jenni, poor you - its not nice having to have a confrontation with

anyone, let alone when it's something so dear to your heart. At least

you were strong enough to question him and put your point of view. I

bet most mothers he comes across sit there meekly, nodding at

everything he says, wishing they could disagree but presuming he knows

best. Not that that makes you feel much better.

I'm sure you'll feel less stressed in a day or two and glad it was

good news on the placenta.

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

> Hi All

>

> Had my scan for the low lying placenta, the Good News The

placenta is

> well up out of the way so I'm 'on course' for my home-birth.

>

> The Bad News The experience was totally ruined for me by the

alarmist

> talk I was subjected to after the scan.

[Guest guest]

Jenni, poor you - its not nice having to have a confrontation with

anyone, let alone when it's something so dear to your heart. At least

you were strong enough to question him and put your point of view. I

bet most mothers he comes across sit there meekly, nodding at

everything he says, wishing they could disagree but presuming he knows

best. Not that that makes you feel much better.

I'm sure you'll feel less stressed in a day or two and glad it was

good news on the placenta.

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

> Hi All

>

> Had my scan for the low lying placenta, the Good News The

placenta is

> well up out of the way so I'm 'on course' for my home-birth.

>

> The Bad News The experience was totally ruined for me by the

alarmist

> talk I was subjected to after the scan.

[Guest guest]

Jenni, poor you - its not nice having to have a confrontation with

anyone, let alone when it's something so dear to your heart. At least

you were strong enough to question him and put your point of view. I

bet most mothers he comes across sit there meekly, nodding at

everything he says, wishing they could disagree but presuming he knows

best. Not that that makes you feel much better.

I'm sure you'll feel less stressed in a day or two and glad it was

good news on the placenta.

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

> Hi All

>

> Had my scan for the low lying placenta, the Good News The

placenta is

> well up out of the way so I'm 'on course' for my home-birth.

>

> The Bad News The experience was totally ruined for me by the

alarmist

> talk I was subjected to after the scan.

[Guest guest]

Jenni

How horrible - I got caught off guard about having a homebirth by a Dr too - but

when I least expected it! It didn't spoil the birth though thanks to a

brilliant m/w - skip the rest if you don't want the story!

When I first said that I wanted a home birth for my third baby I agreed to go

for a 36wk scan so that we could all be reassured that the placenta was out of

the way and that he wasn't 'too big'. DH took the afternoon off work so that

after the scan we could face the consultant tog - I wanted someone there to help

me stick to my guns. The scan was fine - just as well as we hadn't asked what

'too big' was before they did the measurements so didn't have a position to

argue that one from! However the consultant wasn't there - he had gone to a

meeting at the ish Office. DH was furious he really didn't want to waste

annual leave on antenatal clinics if the consultant didn't even bother to show

up or change the appointment. We saw a senior registrar, who -poor man - had

to start by explaining to a cross DH where his 'boss' was and appologising

profusely for his absence. The scan hadn't shown up anything that meant

increased risk (DD was a c/s for breach) so he said that he would still advise

against a homebirth, but could see that we weren't going to change our minds and

wished us all the best. His whole attitude was great - he treated us like

intelligent adults! Very different from the fight we thought we were going to

get.

However the day the m/w brought the delivery pack to the house (when I was 38

weeks) my GP phoned not long after she left and was 100% horrid with dire

warnings and demanding that DH and I went down to see him at the surgery. So

that he could be sure that DH knew exactly what I was intending to do! I was

too upset to speak for about half an hour afterwards. DH was a brick though and

said that if my GP wanted to see him then he could jolly well come to the house

at a time to suit DH! (This is most unlike my DH who is normally a very

friendly go-out-of-his-way to make things easier for other people type)

DS2 had other ideas - the pack arrived on Friday and I went into labour on

Sunday night so there was no opportunity for appointments anyway. My GP did

phone whilst I was in labour (around 10pm) and I agreed to speak to him - he

told me that it wasn't too late to change my mind and go into hospital. I told

him ' I don't have to listen to this' and trust the cordless phone at someone

yelling 'get than man out of the room' - I still can belive I did that. I can't

remember any other occasion when I have been deliberately rude to someone on the

phone! The midwife said - you were so realxed before, you don't want to be all

tense, and some more compliments about how well I was doing with the relaxation.

The next morning he phoned at 7am to find out if all was well - I was not

impressed... The midwife said that he was going to pop in later, I was about to

be very rude about him and she stopped me with some humerous comment and said I

was to be polite to him when he showed up. My midwife was brilliant, she wanted

me to focus my energies on labour not on fuming about a GP, and we shared a

sense of humour which made a huge difference. I don't remember thinking about

him again after that call until he rang the door bell. By which time DS was

born so the GP did his new baby checks. I think he was glad it was all over and

that just by chance DS2 had the same name as him.

One or two things that I picked up in conversations with this GP since then lead

me to belive that he was genuinely very very worried/scared about me - I think

through ignorance and doing neo-natal paediatrics rather than nasty-ness. He

once volunteered the info to a GP trainee doing one of DS2's jabs that this baby

was born at home - I made some comment about the GP not liking that and he

replied that it was fine under the right circumstances. So I hope that I did a

bit to raise his confidence in homebirth. Despite the GP it was a brilliant

birth :-) if you didn't have to do 9 months before and 18+ years afterwards I'd

do it again!!!

Don't waste your energy on a grumpy 'old' doc - if you are still worried about

shoulder dystocia ask you m/w about it (and what they do if it happens at home

if that would help to reassure you). One day someone will put all these 'huge'

birth related risks in context of daily life and compare them with things like

crossing the road or walking upstairs and then we can all put them into real

life context.

LIz Goudie

[Guest guest]

Jenni

How horrible - I got caught off guard about having a homebirth by a Dr too - but

when I least expected it! It didn't spoil the birth though thanks to a

brilliant m/w - skip the rest if you don't want the story!

When I first said that I wanted a home birth for my third baby I agreed to go

for a 36wk scan so that we could all be reassured that the placenta was out of

the way and that he wasn't 'too big'. DH took the afternoon off work so that

after the scan we could face the consultant tog - I wanted someone there to help

me stick to my guns. The scan was fine - just as well as we hadn't asked what

'too big' was before they did the measurements so didn't have a position to

argue that one from! However the consultant wasn't there - he had gone to a

meeting at the ish Office. DH was furious he really didn't want to waste

annual leave on antenatal clinics if the consultant didn't even bother to show

up or change the appointment. We saw a senior registrar, who -poor man - had

to start by explaining to a cross DH where his 'boss' was and appologising

profusely for his absence. The scan hadn't shown up anything that meant

increased risk (DD was a c/s for breach) so he said that he would still advise

against a homebirth, but could see that we weren't going to change our minds and

wished us all the best. His whole attitude was great - he treated us like

intelligent adults! Very different from the fight we thought we were going to

get.

However the day the m/w brought the delivery pack to the house (when I was 38

weeks) my GP phoned not long after she left and was 100% horrid with dire

warnings and demanding that DH and I went down to see him at the surgery. So

that he could be sure that DH knew exactly what I was intending to do! I was

too upset to speak for about half an hour afterwards. DH was a brick though and

said that if my GP wanted to see him then he could jolly well come to the house

at a time to suit DH! (This is most unlike my DH who is normally a very

friendly go-out-of-his-way to make things easier for other people type)

DS2 had other ideas - the pack arrived on Friday and I went into labour on

Sunday night so there was no opportunity for appointments anyway. My GP did

phone whilst I was in labour (around 10pm) and I agreed to speak to him - he

told me that it wasn't too late to change my mind and go into hospital. I told

him ' I don't have to listen to this' and trust the cordless phone at someone

yelling 'get than man out of the room' - I still can belive I did that. I can't

remember any other occasion when I have been deliberately rude to someone on the

phone! The midwife said - you were so realxed before, you don't want to be all

tense, and some more compliments about how well I was doing with the relaxation.

The next morning he phoned at 7am to find out if all was well - I was not

impressed... The midwife said that he was going to pop in later, I was about to

be very rude about him and she stopped me with some humerous comment and said I

was to be polite to him when he showed up. My midwife was brilliant, she wanted

me to focus my energies on labour not on fuming about a GP, and we shared a

sense of humour which made a huge difference. I don't remember thinking about

him again after that call until he rang the door bell. By which time DS was

born so the GP did his new baby checks. I think he was glad it was all over and

that just by chance DS2 had the same name as him.

One or two things that I picked up in conversations with this GP since then lead

me to belive that he was genuinely very very worried/scared about me - I think

through ignorance and doing neo-natal paediatrics rather than nasty-ness. He

once volunteered the info to a GP trainee doing one of DS2's jabs that this baby

was born at home - I made some comment about the GP not liking that and he

replied that it was fine under the right circumstances. So I hope that I did a

bit to raise his confidence in homebirth. Despite the GP it was a brilliant

birth :-) if you didn't have to do 9 months before and 18+ years afterwards I'd

do it again!!!

Don't waste your energy on a grumpy 'old' doc - if you are still worried about

shoulder dystocia ask you m/w about it (and what they do if it happens at home

if that would help to reassure you). One day someone will put all these 'huge'

birth related risks in context of daily life and compare them with things like

crossing the road or walking upstairs and then we can all put them into real

life context.

LIz Goudie

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support

> At least you were strong enough to question him and put your point of view. I

> bet most mothers he comes across sit there meekly, nodding at everything he

> says, wishing they could disagree but presuming he knows best. Not that that

> makes you feel much better.

It does make me feel better I did feel that I had successfully put over

my perspective and questioned the accuracy of the research he was referring

to etc. We both feel that he has a begrudging respect for me and my views

and *that* does feel good and is helping me feel strong again.

During the scan the Sonographer asked " what do you do then? " when I realised

she was talking to me I thought " what!! " and said " sorry?? " , she then

explained that she thought I must work in the medical profession because of

the questions I was asking about the scan ... is that sad or what?

> I'm sure you'll feel less stressed in a day or two and glad it was

> good news on the placenta.

I'm getting there ... we have finally decided to 'take the plunge' and have

applied for a remortgage (via www.moneysupermarket.co.uk) and have booked an

Independent Midwife, she thinks like us and enables us to feel so confident

.... now starting to look forward to enjoying our home-birth and welcoming

Babi into the World in the way that we wish

Jenni

(& Gethyn) 17yrs, Mari 3yrs (HB), Babi Bach exp.09/2001 = 33wks+1

" If you don't know your options - then you don't have any "

[Guest guest]

Jenni, I hope that you are feeling better about your meeting with the

consultant. It sounds though from your message that you are very strong,

confident and assertive, so fingers crossed that you will get the birth that

you want. I am going to see a consultant in about four weeks time,

hopefully to discuss a VBAC. I hope that I can be as assertive as you! At

my last antenatal appointment my midwife was not at all reassuring, in fact

at one point she reversed the the statistical risk of me having another CS

and tole me I had a 70% chance of a repeat CS.When I asked about uterine

rupture she said absolutely nothing to reassure me, just said you are an

intelligent woman I am not going to tell you there are no risks. When

actually statistically the risks are quite small. I actually felt quite

depressed after that visit.

I was also very interested in what you said about a independent midwife.

How have you gone about finding one, and could you give me some idea of the

cost? I hope that you don't mind me asking. Where I live, I don't have any

choice but to have a hospital midwife who I won't have met before. I think

it would increase my confidence to have someone I knew and respected with

me. (Which would count out my community midwife, who wouldn't attend a

hospital birth anyway, but I'm sure would sap any confidence I had!) Good

luck, Kate

Scan Update from Jenni

> Hi All

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