Letter to the times was This Needs a Reply

[Guest guest]

Oh dear Alice Miles, you really weren't paying attention to Chitty

Chitty Bang Bang last Christmas were you? Probably too busy out

getting hammered in one of the inumerable pubs which welcomes children

only when the weather is clement enough for us to sit in the garden

(that's about 3 visits a year then!). The whole reason the nasty

Baron banned children was so that the adults could play with all the

toys and thoroughly overindulge themselves without any responsibility

to anyone.

If you think you bear any financial responsibility for my children

please let me have your bank account number by return. I could

certainly do with a handout. My children will undoubtedly be

shouldering the burden of your old people's home in a few years as you

won't have any relatives to look after you and their tax burden is

likely to be huge in relation to theirs as their generation faces the

awesome task of having to pay the pensions of an ageing and childless

population.

As for the prospect of you doing my work, well that is risible. I had

already been in the office for two hours when you slunk in late and

hungover. The reason I have a shrine to my kids on my desk is to

remind me why I do this job at all, because there's no-one to talk to

in the office. Yes, my persepective has changed. I have learned to

think about others before myself, I have learned to share, to give of

myself and not expect anything at all in return and most certainly to

expect to be overlooked in terms of promotion because I have become a

beast with no name, a mother. My kids might get sick but you can bet

your bottom dollar that because I have learned to juggle more than

just my lipstick and filofax I achieve more in a day than you and I no

longer need to spend hours in the loo beautifying myself before

flirting with the photocopier man.

What I didn't know about parenting before I became a parent is that my

kids will become the prime ministers, the scientists, the movers, the

arbiters of your future and because I have invested so much of myself

in helping them to develop, I know they will be kinder to you in your

dotage than you were to them in your barren prime. However I will

have to achieve this by working and living in a society that makes me

return to work before my children have finished breastfeeding and

leaving them in the care of strangers because otherwise I can't pay

the mortgage. When I get some precious time to spend with them it

will be largely at home because most restaurants, pubs and places that

adults like to spend time in are usually un-child friendly to the

point of overt hostility. This is why we fly away in the summer; to

spend some time in a country where people greet you with " Children,

how lovely " with not a trace of sarcasm.

As for why it takes so much clobber to visit my childless friend - I

carry toys to stop your ornaments from being trashed, a rug to sit on

so they don't stain your pristine white carpet, food because you don't

or won't remember that they loathe your M&S meals for one and wipes to

ensure your soulless magnolia walls don't bear any trace of their

presence when we leave, which will be shortly because you can't abide

their exuberance.

Moving takes us two weeks because our childless friends have no

concept of the amount of time it takes to pack a packing case when a

toddler is behind you unpacking it all and no-one thinks to offer a

parent the most precious gift of all -time alone.

I do agree that no-one should take responsibility for my kids except

me, especially Society. Because Society comprises far too many people

like you, dear Alice, still intent on making my kids be seen and not

heard, and preferably not seen either.

Throw away your cap Alice and join me in the wonderful world of

motherhood. You'll discover a whole new perspective and have so many

more interesting things to write about!

Lesley

Mother of 3, Worthing.