Afraid

[Guest guest]

I've had Interstitial Pulmonary Fibrosis since March 2005. I've been on oxygen

24/7 for awhile. I haven't been feeling well and find myself doing less and

less.

I went for extensive blood work last month and haven't heard the results. But, I

knew I have another doctor's appointment in a few weeks. I went for Pulmonary

Function testing the other day and saw the doctor afterwards. I was nervous as

to the results. The doctor told my partner & me that the disease has " progressed

significantly " .

He also said that there was an abnormality in one of the blood tests. I was so

upset, that I don't remember what he was saying.

I'm scheduled for a CAT scan and a broncoscopy in a few weeks. He also mentioned

doing a lung biopsy. I don't know if he meant while doing the broncoscopy, or at

a later time. If he meant later, I don't think I'll have it done. I've read

postings about what people have gone through.

He also said that he may prescribe Prednisone with insulin. Prednisone makes me

a diabetic. I don't know if it's worth taking one medication with side effects

and having to take another to counter them. I have HIV/AIDS and have been

through it before.

I'm very depressed at the moment. I feel like I'm unable to tell my partner. I

guess I shouldn't feel this way, because I've read how others have it worse than

me. The doctor told me, awhile ago, to eat more. I have no appetite, but I try.

My partner asked me yesterday, if I'm ready to die.

I afraid to die. I guess it's because I don't have faith. I've tried to find

something, but I can't. I know we're all going to die at some time. But, I'm so

scared.

Well, thanks for letting me say what's on my mind. I hope someone can

understand.