Re: SAHMs, career women, part timers and life in general

[Guest guest]

Karina wrote:

> What I would miss would be a little teeny weeny bit of time to

> myself - to write, or do NCT stuff, start a small business - but I

> guess that would come in time once they start going to playgroup

some

> hours a week (DD will start two afternoons in September).

I'm currently wondering whether to join the job market. Steffi starts

school in September and I realise that PT jobs are hard to come by,

particularly with school hours although the school offers an excellent

holiday care programme so I could sign her up for that. But I think

I'd miss the holiday time with her. I've really enjoyed the extra

year I've had due to our moving to Australia and then there's the very

realistic view that most of DH's jobs in the past few years have taken

him away from home, often out of the country and if I work I would no

longer have the option of taking Steffi to join him whenever we have

free time i.e holidays.

In some ways I'd love to be self-employed but I also want the social

side that comes from working. I don't have secretarial skills

although my typing is pretty accurate and fast these days (far from

perfect but I have no spellcheck on my PC!) so temping won't be an

option either.

Once I get home, I'll start looking into things. The recession thing

worries me too as DH is now jobless and prospects in the UK don't look

too good. :-( We've got to pay the mortgage somehow.

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

Karina wrote:

> What I would miss would be a little teeny weeny bit of time to

> myself - to write, or do NCT stuff, start a small business - but I

> guess that would come in time once they start going to playgroup

some

> hours a week (DD will start two afternoons in September).

I'm currently wondering whether to join the job market. Steffi starts

school in September and I realise that PT jobs are hard to come by,

particularly with school hours although the school offers an excellent

holiday care programme so I could sign her up for that. But I think

I'd miss the holiday time with her. I've really enjoyed the extra

year I've had due to our moving to Australia and then there's the very

realistic view that most of DH's jobs in the past few years have taken

him away from home, often out of the country and if I work I would no

longer have the option of taking Steffi to join him whenever we have

free time i.e holidays.

In some ways I'd love to be self-employed but I also want the social

side that comes from working. I don't have secretarial skills

although my typing is pretty accurate and fast these days (far from

perfect but I have no spellcheck on my PC!) so temping won't be an

option either.

Once I get home, I'll start looking into things. The recession thing

worries me too as DH is now jobless and prospects in the UK don't look

too good. :-( We've got to pay the mortgage somehow.

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

Karina, your husband sounds wonderful!

I would definitely recommend going for it. I used to be a stockbroker, and

then worked at a university recruiting overseas students, so did lots of

travelling and when I gave up work, I too was worried about being bored, and

DH was positive I'd become a bored, depressed recluse - not a bit of it.

I have to say, the two of your concerns which most strike me are your

worries about your relationship with DH; your worries about not being able

to 'try it out'; and your concern about not having enough 'me time'. *If*

your relationship with your DH breaks down, then the law would offer you

some protection of income and so on - it may take some time to come through,

admittedly, but you would not be allowed to be left destitute - and it

strikes me that it's a fairly big if, given what you say about him, and

that you can't live your life in anticipation of disasters whose actual

probability is pretty remote, as that would cut off so many chances for

happiness and enjoyment.

And of course you could 'try out' being a SAHM, and then go back to work if

it doesn't work out - you say you've had periods of unemployment before and

gone back to work afterwards. Well, this would be no different. Taking a

career break for your children is a recognised phenomenon these days - and

if you hated it and wanted to go back to work within a year, say, then you

could always tailor your CV to make it look like that was the career break

you *meant* to take! Of course it would be a shame to find a new nanny for

the girls - but it wouldn't be impossible or a true disaster, and so

wouldn't really pose a barrier to working. Meantime, do some CV stuff -

edit a newsletter or organise a mums & toddlers group or something...

And I have to say that my experience of 'me time' since I've been at home

has altered radically. Once I knew I didn't have to be out of the house

9-5, my conception of 'me time' changed dramatically. I now have an hour or

two a day when I can catch up on email, talk to friends or whatever. The

rest of the time, we spend a lot of time muddling along, alongside each

other rather than actively doing stuff together. So, I might be writing

some website while the kids play around my chair, or packing up nappies

while they eat their lunch, or whatever. But once the work pressure has

gone, so many other pressures seem to go, too. And I've managed to find the

time to start a small business from home: initially I worked the two hours

they slept after lunch. Now, people know the children are likely to be

involved, and the children know the nappy boxes are not to be played in when

customers are around!

It is a big step, but like so many big steps it's harder in the mind than in

the flesh, iyswim.

Good luck )

Vicki Portman

http://www.plushpants.co.uk

>

> (PS DH was at home all day yesterday with a cold and when I got home

> he put his arms around me and said - if you want to take some years

> off work to look after the children - then that's what you should do -

> perhaps we could get an au pair so you got a few hours to yourself to

> write a book - I will support you whatever you decide. What a star.

> Wonder who's been sneak-reading my messages whilst I was at work...

> thanks everyone!)

[Guest guest]

I'd say from your post, you've convinced yourself already! But think

on it, discuss with DH then go for it (whatever " it " may be)

Good luck

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

> Thanks to everyone who helped me out with describing life as a

SAHM -

> everyone seems to have a different experience; but noone seems to

> regret their choice - which probably says it all.

[Guest guest]

>Thanks to everyone who helped me out with describing life as a SAHM -

>everyone seems to have a different experience; but noone seems to

>regret their choice - which probably says it all.

Exactly the same issue came up at an NCT lunch at my house today -

working part time is supposed to be the perfect solution and yet this

Mum has recently started back for the second time and is finding it

very different from the first time, not enjoying it and not sure what

to do - with job uncertainties for her husband too.

The thing is that not all of the things you are worried about will

melt away if you do decide to give up work - it's taken me a long

time to realise that issues are not something you deal with and then

pack away for all time! I've just had a bit of a 'got to earn some

money, contribute to the family pot, DH getting fed up of the

responsibility, his work future very uncertain' bijou crisisette -

and it won't be the last.

Vicki's point about redefining 'me' time is a good one - I'm sitting

here amidst my family, but this is still time for me. *Us* time - now

that's the really big challenge, especially when you haven't got the

child care 'habit'

--

jennifer@...

Vaudin

[Guest guest]

My mum has always said that (whilst not desirable) women in *her* day

had fewer choices and so in some ways life was easier. You just did

the expected SAH bit after you had children and didn't go throught the

agonies of having all the options/opportunities we have these days.

I hasten to say this was always said as an observation watching her

three daughters go through all the issues you have been discussing,

she was *not* thinking it should go back to that! But I think she is

right.

However, *I* think women are luckier than men, often they can choose

to SAH or opt to work, or even (as I do) work ad hoc part time. DH on

the other hand has to work full time. (He has greater earning

potential than me and would not want to look after children full time

anyway). Poor him!

Feeling lucky.

phine

(Mum to nearly 4 & Ben nearly 3, Cambridge NCT)