Fw: Rich People Can't Sing The Blues

[Guest guest]

Guess we can't sing the blues then, judging by the last comment!

> " Rich People Can't Sing The Blues "

>

> 1) Most Blues begin, " Woke up this morning... "

>

> 2) " I got a good woman " is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you

> stick something nasty in the next line like, " I got a good woman,

> with the meanest face in town. "

>

> 3) The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat

it.

> Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: " Got a good woman with

the

> meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face

in

> town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound. "

>

> 4) The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck

in a

> ditch--ain't no way out.

>

> 5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.

Blues

> don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues

> transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet

aircraft

> an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.

> Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin'

to

> die.

>

> 6) Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In

Blues

> " adulthood " means being old enough to get the electric chair if you

> shoot a man in Memphis.

>

> 7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any

place

> in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just

> clinical depression. New Orleans, St. Louis, and Kansas City are

> still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues

> in any place that don't get rain.

>

> 8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with

male

> pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the

> blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

>

> 9) You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The

> lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the

> dumpster.

>

> 10) Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; Jailhouse;

> c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass.

> Bad places for the Blues: a) Starbucks; Gallery openings;

> c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses

>

> 11) No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less

you

> happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it for many

> months.

>

> 12) Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if

> a) You older than dirt; You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis;

> d) You can't be satisfied.

> No, if

> a) You have all your teeth; You were once blind but now can

> see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.

>

> 13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.

Tiger

> Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people

> also got a leg up on the blues....country people; not city folks.

>

> 14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's

the

> Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine;

Whiskey

> or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee.

> The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; Chardonnay;

> c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast.

>

> 15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a

Blues

> death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way

to

> die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely

> on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die

> during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

>

> 16) Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; Big Mama; c) Bessie;

d)

> Fat River Dumpling

>

> 17) Some Blues names for men: a) Joe; Willie; c) Little Willie;

d)

> Big Willie

>

> 18) Persons with names like , Amber, Debbie, , and

> can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in

> Memphis.

>

> 19) Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical

infirmity

> (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); First name (see above) plus name of

> fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last name of President

> (Jefferson, , Fillmore, etc.);

> d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon

> or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not " Kiwi. " )

>

> 20) I don't care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, or a

BMW,

> you cannot sing the blues.

>

>