Fw: Titbits and Dilbert

[Guest guest]

Subject: Titbits and Dilbert

The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; " 7 " was selected because the

original containers were 7 ounces. " UP " indicated the direction of the

bubbles.

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the

mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet

away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood

plasma.

American car horns beep in the tone of F.

No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

---o0o---

Dilbert's Laws Of Work

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If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and

what you're going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month

than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will

happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking

about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn

fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the

boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

Everything can be filed under " miscellaneous. "

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is

supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good,

you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number

of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no

excuse for not following the rules.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by

reducing it to the question, " How would the Lone Ranger handle this? "

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for

everything that goes wrong.