Re: A bully of a boss (sorry, long)

[Guest guest]

Deb,

PLEASE tell this guy what you think and why you think it. My husband worked

indirectly for a bully for the first couple of years of our marriage

(example: left me an ansaphone message at about ten to 5 one afternoon

saying " just been called into a little meeting " ; at 8 he phoned saying " just

nipped out to the loo, have your dinner " ; at 10 he phoned again to say

" don't wait up " ; at 12.15 he came home (and this happened about 3 times over

that summer) - he didn't feel he could say to this guy even as much as

" Please can I ring my wife to tell her just how late I'm going to be? " never

mind " I'm sorry, this is ridiculous, I'm tired and hungry, this will wait

till tomorrow " - and all they were doing was reviewing a document, not

preventing WW3!), whereas I (working for the same organisation) have always

had humans for bosses (fortunately as I wouldn't keep shtum if that weren't

the case!).

It's just a job; you are entitled to have a break to eat your lunch, go to

the bank, do whatever (do you have an equivalent to the European Working

Time Directive down under?) unless lives depend on it. I'm sure you know

all about assertiveness - go out and be assertive, please!

Long story follows....

At the end of the summer referred to above (after the non-appearance of our

spring break because DH was too busy - he raised it with his boss and was

told " You keep telling me you're overworked and now you want time off???? " )

we were going away for 3 weeks and DH had arranged to take the previous week

off as well to get his head together after 6 months where he was doing £300

of take home overtime a month and was never home before 8. I, on the other

hand, was working up until the Thursday (I'd taken the friday off).

However, guess what, DH had to cancel 3 of those first 5 days of holiday.

On one of those days, I had a meeting at his site, so we travelled in

together and I went and used the spare desk in his office for the afternoon

(which of course went on till well past 6). His manager came by and said

" Hello, I thought you were on leave this week? " I said " No, I have worked

normal hours for the last 6 months and don't need a week to recuperate at

home before going on holiday " . Manager looked startled and said " Well, of

course, when you reach my position you can't ever book a holiday, I'm always

too busy " . I thought I'd let him have it then - I know many people far

senior to him who aren't in this state! I told him that I know what my

contracted hours are and what my job description and responsibilities are

and I marry the two and plan my work such that I can take my holiday - and

that's what normal, efficient people do. I thought no more about it, but DH

rang me the next day and said that 3 colleagues had said to him " What did

Anneliese say to Tony?!?!? " . When he finally got a £350 bonus, he thanked

the manager who said " It's not for you, it's for your wife " .

My boss is one of the most respected senior staff in our whole organisation.

She rarely puts in overtime and her holidays (and yoga classes!) are

sacrosanct. When the pressure's on she'll always be there (but if she knows

that her staff have family commitments or personal pressures she'll tell

them to go home...), and she never gives less than 100%, but she has a life

as well as a job and she worries about people who don't. THAT's a manager!

If you can find another excuse for raising the subject (coming back to an

incident cold always looks particularly female) then respond IMMEDIATELY

explaining (calmly of course!) why this guy's behaviour is unreasonable and

why you're not going to comply, and say that you will put it in writing to

the other partners.

Anneliese who is prepared to sacrifice her career for her principle.

________________________________________________________________________

Message: 7

Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 07:24:01 EDT

From: DebSlater@...

Subject: A bully of a boss

Sorry - I've just got to let off steam.

The senior partner at work is - quite frankly a bully and has an awful

management style.

Recently he has bullied a male colleague which included deliberately leaving

him off the new company web site.

Today he had a go at me and a colleague for taking 10 minutes out for eating

our lunchtime sandwich before attending a compulsory education meeting that

is held over lunchtime. His argument is that we should eat during the

meantime - not take extra time for lunch. Our lunch break is normally 45

minutes.

Now perhaps I'm being churlish - but I feel I'm entitled to a lunchbreak.

I suppose if I had respect for the guy and goodwill for him - then I would

be

willing to forego one lunchbreak every two weeks - but at the moment I

don't.

I was so cross that I told my boss that I wasn't going to agree to do it (my

boss is another partner).

I said that I'd also had enough of the way this guy was behaving - and then

walked out of the office.

As I've mentioned before, I am hoping to quit the job anyway, but, another

colleague in my department has just quit (the one I mentioned above who's

details were left off the web site) - and so it would make it very difficult

for my boss if I quit too, so I thought I would keep going to help him out -

until they managed to recruit someone else.

My boss is a really nice guy, and I don't want to make life difficult for

him

- but I am rapidly running out of any goodwill.

Perhaps I should just count to ten and take some deep breaths.

Debbie Slater

Perth, WA