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Getting Very Anxious...

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Hi all...

Well, Tuesday is my consult for my colonoscopy. I would rather just

go in and do it and find out what is going on so that I can quit

worrying about it. I have been feeling terrible lately and hope to

find some answers and eventually relief from all of this. It's been

almost 2 months sinc emy father passed from colon cancer. I found

out recently that it wasn't his father (my grandfather) that had

colon cancer...(he had a different type of cancer and more recently)

it was my grandmother. And apprently she was very young. My mom

and dad were high school sweethearts and by the time they were

sophmores my grandmother had had it and was done with treatment and

everything my mom said nobody really ever talked about it so she

doesn't really know much. I plan on asking my aunt. Anyway...My

grandmother was 35 or younger at dx, my aunt 31 and my father 35

(stage IV at dx). Needless to say that at 27 (28 in April) I'm

really shaking in my boots. Especially with all the symptoms I've

been ignoring. DUMB,DUMB,DUMB! And you know what my logic

was...well, If it was really something serious I'd be really, really

sick by now. DUH!

All of this comes on the tail of bad MRI news for my daughter on

Thursday. Not as bad as it could have/has been in the past. But

not good either. Her SEVENTH chemotherapy drug has officialy failed

and her brain tumor is still growing. For a year and a half we've

been battling this thing. Blasted damn. It kills me to watch my

baby go through this. Each treatment decision and informed consent

is an agonizing event. I HATE cancer and I'm just about ready to

kick it's butt. Grrr...

My aunt isn't feeling well again and is going in for another

colonoscopy shortly. I am PRAYING that it is not a reccurence. She

is very strong, and such a fighter...but, I don't know if she could

handle it emotionaly. She was my father's primary caretaker up

until the day he died. They were always close...she's had a very

hard time and is battling some pretty serious depresion. Poor

thing.

Imagine a world without CANCER...wouldn't that be grand?!?

Jusst wanted you to know that I've been here checking in on you and

remind you that my prayers are always with you as you battle on,

wither yourself or with a loved one.

With Love and HOPE

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