Bad week, even worse weekend - long moan - sorry!

July 1, 2001

I have been quiet on here ever since I have got back from holidays as

I seem unable to keep up with sheer volume of post and by the time I

get around to replying we are off on another tack!

This week we had a committee meeting (for my sins I am Chair of our

local NCT brabch) and I just felt that it was awful - everything I

said or did seemed wrong. All in all it generally really p****d me

of over the whole thing. I could have easily just got up and walked

out but sheer b****y mindedness over all my previous hard work

stopped me - I think I was being over sensitive on some matters but

just the same....

Then - I have started my implant treatment (remember? - to enforce

the menopause and help stop me bleeding for 6 months). I thought

that I was coping with it quite well, the hot flushes are a pain but

nothing I couldn't handle. Anyway I have gained 12lb in weight in 2

weeks. It is just awful, none of my clothes fit me (and I mean none)

and I feel fat, ugly and a slob. From an emotional point this has

just made me crumble, it seems to have been the straw that broke the

camels back. 2 people even asked me this week if I was pregnant

which was very hurtful under the circumstances but they were not to

know. In fact I feel pregnant - swollen, tender boobs, swollen

stomach, constant nausea. If I was, at least I would have something

to look forward to. I am just feeling so very very low. DH, bless

him, is trying to be kind but I think that he just really does not

even begin to understand (at the moment he is playing with DD's in

the garden to give me 10 mins peace)

I have been on high dosage progesterone (?sp)for 3 months (which

seemed to have stopped me bleeding) but last night began to bleed

again? why? (sorry I realise none of you can answer that - more just

a cry from me)

The only hilight of this horrible has been our trip to GOSH with

Grace (DD1) - she was diagnoiosed with several holes in her heart at

10 weeks - on Friday the cardiologist said that she now only has one,

4mm, very insignificant and nothing to worry about - it will probably

close itself as have the others. I was overjoyed (and proceeded to

cry! - damm hormones)

Anyway, sorry to have rambled on but thank you for giving me an

environment where I know that I can off-load my feelings and moans

Beverly

Fat and Fed Up in Herts

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