Fw: TYPICAL BLONDES - non pc jokes.

[Guest guest]

Subject: TYPICAL BLONDES

> 1. A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

> The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment

> and said, " How should I know, that's 200 miles from here! " and hung up.

>

> The husband said, " Who was that? "

>

> The wife said, " I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is

> clear. "

>

> 2. Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on

> the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the

> mirror and says, " Hmm, this person looks familiar. "

>

> The second blonde says, " Here, let me see! " So the first blonde hands her

> the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, " You dummy,

it's

> me! "

>

> 3. A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out

> and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens

> the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is

really

> angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she

is

> overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

>

> The boyfriend yells, " No, honey, don't do it. "

>

> The blonde replies, " Shut up, you're next! "

>

> 4. A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She

> proudly says, " Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them. "

>

> A friend says, " OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin? "

>

> The blonde replies, " Oh, that's easy: W. "

>

> 5. Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was

> pregnant? A: " Is it mine? "

>

> 6. A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.

Miraculously,

> she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was

> applying fresh lipstick when a state trooper arrived.

>

> " My God! " the trooper gasped. " Your car looks like an accordion that was

> stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am? "

>

> " Yes, officer, I'm just fine " the blonde chirped.

>

> " Well, how in the world did this happen? " the officer asked as he

> surveyed the wrecked car.

>

> " Officer, it was the strangest thing! " the blonde began. " I was driving

> along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.

> So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!

> I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the

> right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was

> .... "

>

> " Uh, ma'am, " the officer said, cutting her off, " There isn't a tree on

this

> road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth. "

>

> 7. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house

> ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and

> reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the

> channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

>

> As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the

> blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his

dog,

> then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands,

> she moaned, " I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call

> the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND

> policeman! "