Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

May 8, 2003

That is very kind of you to say. I remember the social worker saying that I

had done a good job with n and it made me feel really good. Perhaps

they just say that to everyone ... I'm sure they know we are all basket

cases of uncertainty.

Thanks,

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 12 weeks

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

>

> This morning I packed up the kids for an " in-take " interview with the

> developmental pediatrician. I spent the night before reviewing n's

> medical history and various evaluations, trying to correct the

inaccuracies.

>

> As many of you may be able to relate, I was terrified at the prospect of

> managing both kids in an unfamiliar environment by myself. Should I put

> n in the stroller and carry Phoebe? Put Phoebe in the car sear

carrier

> and n in the stroller? Can I carry all that? Can I possibly

manage

> n out of a stroller?

>

> Well the office had steps out front so I knew I would have to forego the

> stroller. This made me quite nervous. But I took n by the hand,

> lugging Phoebe in her carrier, determined to make the best of it. We

were

> early ...

>

> Once inside n began to help himself to office supplies at the front

> desk and pushing buttons on the copier. The front desk attendant did

not

> seem thrilled. Things did not bode well. We were directed to a waiting

> room in the back. Thankfully n followed. I was given a clipboard

of

> paperwork. I laughed to myself thinking it would be impossible to fill

it

> out with n on the loose. However n found a tupperware

container

> of matchbox cars and began to happily obsess on them, which was

convenient.

>

> The social worker then directed us into a back office, n followed

of

> his own accord, which was down right shocking. Inside he located a box

of

> crayons, colored pencils, and markers. He happily proceeded to line

them up

> and tote them about. Phoebe dozed in her carrier. Again, convenient so

I

> could take to the social worker.

>

> She was a very nice lady who was very kind to n. We spoke of

n's

> history, his many evaluations, therapies, etc, touching briefly here and

> there on my personally journey in coming to terms with his challenges.

Yes,

> I told her, I think he is autistic, that's why we're here. In the past

I

> had made every imaginable excuse to explain away his " quirks " . And,

yes, it

> makes me feel like a bad *evil* mother to say that I am no longer

holding

> out hope that he will " just be a late bloomer " or " grow out of it " . I

need

> answers as we approach the school dilemma.

>

> She felt fairly certain based on what I had told her and what she

observed

> that we would get a spectrum diagnosis. I was surprised at how easily t

his

> she made this determination. I like to think that n's autistic

> tendencies are subtle ... But then our ST said the same thing within

the

> first two visits.

>

> She recommended that we begin the process for n to be evaluated by

the

> school district for special ed preschool. However I am somewhat ashamed

to

> admit that I am reluctant to do this. Naturally I want n to have

as

> many therapies as we can get, but a part of me balks at the finality of

> enrolling him in special ed preschool. I know it will be a lightening

rod

> issue in our family, that extended members will openly question my

judgment,

> try to call and talk me out of it. And even I must concede that I

second

> guess myself daily.

>

> Did I feel emotionally crushed when the social worker said she did

indeed

> think he was on the spectrum? No. I had expected it. But on the way

home

> I began thinking about how much n is the center of our lives and

that

> we just adore him. And how he was such a wonderful baby. He was so

good,

> you could take him anywhere. And I thought about how profoundly

grateful I

> was for that first year when he was just my perfect little baby. Then I

had

> some tears.

>

> This is tough.

>

> (SAHM in GA)

> MSN elizabethloht@...

> n 33, mo, no formal

>

May 8, 2003

Yes, I don't know how I'm going to handle this either. I mean, around the

holidays, do you send out the usual cards with little letters casually

mentioning that your child was dx as autistic? Is that weird?

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 12 weeks

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

> >

> > This morning I packed up the kids for an " in-take " interview with

the

> > developmental pediatrician. I spent the night before reviewing

n's

> > medical history and various evaluations, trying to correct the

> inaccuracies.

> >

> > As many of you may be able to relate, I was terrified at the

prospect of

> > managing both kids in an unfamiliar environment by myself. Should I

put

> > n in the stroller and carry Phoebe? Put Phoebe in the car sear

> carrier

> > and n in the stroller? Can I carry all that? Can I possibly

> manage

> > n out of a stroller?

> >

> > Well the office had steps out front so I knew I would have to forego

the

> > stroller. This made me quite nervous. But I took n by the

hand,

> > lugging Phoebe in her carrier, determined to make the best of it.

We

> were

> > early ...

> >

> > Once inside n began to help himself to office supplies at the

front

> > desk and pushing buttons on the copier. The front desk attendant

did

> not

> > seem thrilled. Things did not bode well. We were directed to a

waiting

> > room in the back. Thankfully n followed. I was given a

clipboard

> of

> > paperwork. I laughed to myself thinking it would be impossible to

fill

> it

> > out with n on the loose. However n found a tupperware

> container

> > of matchbox cars and began to happily obsess on them, which was

> convenient.

> >

> > The social worker then directed us into a back office, n

followed

> of

> > his own accord, which was down right shocking. Inside he located a

box

> of

> > crayons, colored pencils, and markers. He happily proceeded to line

> them up

> > and tote them about. Phoebe dozed in her carrier. Again,

convenient so

> I

> > could take to the social worker.

> >

> > She was a very nice lady who was very kind to n. We spoke of

> n's

> > history, his many evaluations, therapies, etc, touching briefly here

and

> > there on my personally journey in coming to terms with his

challenges.

> Yes,

> > I told her, I think he is autistic, that's why we're here. In the

past

> I

> > had made every imaginable excuse to explain away his " quirks " . And,

> yes, it

> > makes me feel like a bad *evil* mother to say that I am no longer

> holding

> > out hope that he will " just be a late bloomer " or " grow out of it " .

I

> need

> > answers as we approach the school dilemma.

> >

> > She felt fairly certain based on what I had told her and what she

> observed

> > that we would get a spectrum diagnosis. I was surprised at how

easily

> this

> > she made this determination. I like to think that n's autistic

> > tendencies are subtle ... But then our ST said the same thing

within

> the

> > first two visits.

> >

> > She recommended that we begin the process for n to be evaluated

by

> the

> > school district for special ed preschool. However I am somewhat

ashamed

> to

> > admit that I am reluctant to do this. Naturally I want n to

have

> as

> > many therapies as we can get, but a part of me balks at the finality

of

> > enrolling him in special ed preschool. I know it will be a

lightening

> rod

> > issue in our family, that extended members will openly question my

> judgment,

> > try to call and talk me out of it. And even I must concede that I

> second

> > guess myself daily.

> >

> > Did I feel emotionally crushed when the social worker said she did

> indeed

> > think he was on the spectrum? No. I had expected it. But on the

way

> home

> > I began thinking about how much n is the center of our lives

and

> that

> > we just adore him. And how he was such a wonderful baby. He was so

> good,

> > you could take him anywhere. And I thought about how profoundly

> grateful I

> > was for that first year when he was just my perfect little baby.

Then I

> had

> > some tears.

> >

> > This is tough.

> >

> > (SAHM in GA)

> > MSN elizabethloht@...

> > n 33, mo, no formal

> >

May 8, 2003

Yes, I don't know how I'm going to handle this either. I mean, around the

holidays, do you send out the usual cards with little letters casually

mentioning that your child was dx as autistic? Is that weird?

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 12 weeks

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

> >

> > This morning I packed up the kids for an " in-take " interview with

the

> > developmental pediatrician. I spent the night before reviewing

n's

> > medical history and various evaluations, trying to correct the

> inaccuracies.

> >

> > As many of you may be able to relate, I was terrified at the

prospect of

> > managing both kids in an unfamiliar environment by myself. Should I

put

> > n in the stroller and carry Phoebe? Put Phoebe in the car sear

> carrier

> > and n in the stroller? Can I carry all that? Can I possibly

> manage

> > n out of a stroller?

> >

> > Well the office had steps out front so I knew I would have to forego

the

> > stroller. This made me quite nervous. But I took n by the

hand,

> > lugging Phoebe in her carrier, determined to make the best of it.

We

> were

> > early ...

> >

> > Once inside n began to help himself to office supplies at the

front

> > desk and pushing buttons on the copier. The front desk attendant

did

> not

> > seem thrilled. Things did not bode well. We were directed to a

waiting

> > room in the back. Thankfully n followed. I was given a

clipboard

> of

> > paperwork. I laughed to myself thinking it would be impossible to

fill

> it

> > out with n on the loose. However n found a tupperware

> container

> > of matchbox cars and began to happily obsess on them, which was

> convenient.

> >

> > The social worker then directed us into a back office, n

followed

> of

> > his own accord, which was down right shocking. Inside he located a

box

> of

> > crayons, colored pencils, and markers. He happily proceeded to line

> them up

> > and tote them about. Phoebe dozed in her carrier. Again,

convenient so

> I

> > could take to the social worker.

> >

> > She was a very nice lady who was very kind to n. We spoke of

> n's

> > history, his many evaluations, therapies, etc, touching briefly here

and

> > there on my personally journey in coming to terms with his

challenges.

> Yes,

> > I told her, I think he is autistic, that's why we're here. In the

past

> I

> > had made every imaginable excuse to explain away his " quirks " . And,

> yes, it

> > makes me feel like a bad *evil* mother to say that I am no longer

> holding

> > out hope that he will " just be a late bloomer " or " grow out of it " .

I

> need

> > answers as we approach the school dilemma.

> >

> > She felt fairly certain based on what I had told her and what she

> observed

> > that we would get a spectrum diagnosis. I was surprised at how

easily

> this

> > she made this determination. I like to think that n's autistic

> > tendencies are subtle ... But then our ST said the same thing

within

> the

> > first two visits.

> >

> > She recommended that we begin the process for n to be evaluated

by

> the

> > school district for special ed preschool. However I am somewhat

ashamed

> to

> > admit that I am reluctant to do this. Naturally I want n to

have

> as

> > many therapies as we can get, but a part of me balks at the finality

of

> > enrolling him in special ed preschool. I know it will be a

lightening

> rod

> > issue in our family, that extended members will openly question my

> judgment,

> > try to call and talk me out of it. And even I must concede that I

> second

> > guess myself daily.

> >

> > Did I feel emotionally crushed when the social worker said she did

> indeed

> > think he was on the spectrum? No. I had expected it. But on the

way

> home

> > I began thinking about how much n is the center of our lives

and

> that

> > we just adore him. And how he was such a wonderful baby. He was so

> good,

> > you could take him anywhere. And I thought about how profoundly

> grateful I

> > was for that first year when he was just my perfect little baby.

Then I

> had

> > some tears.

> >

> > This is tough.

> >

> > (SAHM in GA)

> > MSN elizabethloht@...

> > n 33, mo, no formal

> >

May 8, 2003

Thanks, . I know you're right. It just seems like every week I hear a

" short bus " joke somewhere, and that makes special education seem like such

a stigma. I guess I'm going to have to toughen up about it : )

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 12 weeks

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

> Sweetie -

>

> If he goes into a special education class it does not by any means

classify

> him as anything other than what he is now - a child with challenges. I

> always thought was subtle too. Now that I see her with typical

> children it's as obvious as an a red light. (But remember she only needed

> the special ed class for 6 months). When you're home you are comparing him

to

> himself before any services. When you're in school you're comparing him

to

> the other children. That's how he will make progress - by determining

where

> he needs the extra help weather it's turntaking, pragmatic langauge or

> pretend play.

>

> Extra services will not hurt him as long as he's in the proper placement

for

> HIM. My best friend's son has been with services for 2 1/2 years and she

is

> just now coming to terms with the diagnois. You don't have to send out a

> card that says My Son is in Special Education - you don't even have to

tell

> anyone. That's a personal choice. I'm sorry that your family is not

being

> supportive... mine isn't really either and it sucks.

>

> Hugs

>

May 8, 2003

Thanks, . I know you're right. It just seems like every week I hear a

" short bus " joke somewhere, and that makes special education seem like such

a stigma. I guess I'm going to have to toughen up about it : )

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 12 weeks

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

> Sweetie -

>

> If he goes into a special education class it does not by any means

classify

> him as anything other than what he is now - a child with challenges. I

> always thought was subtle too. Now that I see her with typical

> children it's as obvious as an a red light. (But remember she only needed

> the special ed class for 6 months). When you're home you are comparing him

to

> himself before any services. When you're in school you're comparing him

to

> the other children. That's how he will make progress - by determining

where

> he needs the extra help weather it's turntaking, pragmatic langauge or

> pretend play.

>

> Extra services will not hurt him as long as he's in the proper placement

for

> HIM. My best friend's son has been with services for 2 1/2 years and she

is

> just now coming to terms with the diagnois. You don't have to send out a

> card that says My Son is in Special Education - you don't even have to

tell

> anyone. That's a personal choice. I'm sorry that your family is not

being

> supportive... mine isn't really either and it sucks.

>

> Hugs

>

May 8, 2003

Jacquie, thank you for saying so.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 12 weeks

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

>

> Oh, , I believe a bad evil mother would be one who never faced

the

> reality that something needed to be addressed and just denied

everything --

> because that would do n so much more harm than good.

>

> You are a good mother for recognizing the truths and searching out the

ways

> to deal with them so that n can grow and progress and fulfill all of

> his potential as soon as he can.

May 8, 2003

Jacquie, thank you for saying so.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 12 weeks

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

>

> Oh, , I believe a bad evil mother would be one who never faced

the

> reality that something needed to be addressed and just denied

everything --

> because that would do n so much more harm than good.

>

> You are a good mother for recognizing the truths and searching out the

ways

> to deal with them so that n can grow and progress and fulfill all of

> his potential as soon as he can.

May 8, 2003

The short bus. LOL!

Sorry.

Where and I grew up the short bus was a joke. I mean, they were

supposed to be the sped kids but where we were sped ment the kids that no

one wanted to deal with. You know, the problem cases, not necessary the

sped cases. The kids that had an attitude about school and were failing

because they didn't do their work and they dumped them in, what we always

refered to as " the retarded class " .

Now, the one school that I went to sped was just that sped. The kids with

various learning problems were in there, not the ones that didn't want to be

in school and do work. And they didn't ride the " short bus " . We didn't

have a short bus for that district. The sped was right in the school, the

classroom was on the bottom floor down from the caffateria (there weren't

any other classrooms down there but the gym, the TAG room and the art room.

The kids in sped stayed in that room from K through 6 and the teacher in

there was great with them. There were one or two kids that weren't in sped

that should have been but they did just fine in regular classes.

ended up in sped adventually. When we moved up to the jr high there was a

sped room there was well that these kids spent most of their time in.

on the other hand.... I feel so bad about how he was treated now

knowing what I know now about autism.

was a really tall and big kid even in 6th grade. In 7th he was like 6

feet tall. The one thing that I picked on him about was the green pepper

strips that he had to have in his lunch every day. Did not understand how

anyone could eat them (then again, at the time they gave me heartburn.

LOL). Anyway, he was this huge kid and had the emotional materity of a

kindergartner. He was really easy for people to pick on. I didn't really

pick on him (but for the peppers) but other people really gave him hell. At

the time I just didn't have the patience to deal with his oddness and tried

to stay away as much as possible, meaning I didn't go out of my way to make

friends with him but if he talked to me I wasn't mean to him either. I

didn't understand how he could cry like a baby from someone stepping on his

foot on accident like happens sometimes. Boggled my mind

Looking back on it all now, thinking about how he was, that boy was

definatly autistic. That incident when someone accidently stepped on his

foot I now see as a SI problem.

I remember someone once put a sign on his back that said " Watch out for

falling lice " . Well, you know kid humor, that is funny. Anyway, this guy

that I sat next to in study hall, Bell, really went out of his way to

try and be nice to but he also found funny for some reason and

didn't understand when he did something that just make laugh and

would always get to do something over and over to provide him

with amusement. Anyway, sat in front of us in study hall. seen

that sign and was laughing hysterically and told that there was

something on his back, took it off because was doing that weird trying

to turn his head 180 degrees to either side thing to see it, and just

crumpled it up and tossed it out. never seen it but spent most

of study hall laughing,

Those are the two incidents that I remember the best.

Well, then there was 6th grade and Mr Vozar. That man was just an asshole.

Complete and total asshole. He used to pick on worse than any of the

kids. His theory was that he was " toughing him up " and " teaching him how to

take it " . I always wished that he would just leave him alone. I mean, the

man put him in tears (and it is very odd seeing a 6 foot kid crying) where

he had to leave class several times.

I have no idea why I just went on about this....

Georga

Visit my new web page at www.ubahbookshelf.com

This tag line space for rent.

Re: The cotinuing march toward diagnosis

>

> > Sweetie -

> >

> > If he goes into a special education class it does not by any means

> classify

> > him as anything other than what he is now - a child with challenges. I

> > always thought was subtle too. Now that I see her with typical

> > children it's as obvious as an a red light. (But remember she only

needed

> > the special ed class for 6 months). When you're home you are comparing

him

> to

> > himself before any services. When you're in school you're comparing him

> to

> > the other children. That's how he will make progress - by determining

> where

> > he needs the extra help weather it's turntaking, pragmatic langauge or

> > pretend play.

> >

> > Extra services will not hurt him as long as he's in the proper placement

> for

> > HIM. My best friend's son has been with services for 2 1/2 years and

she

> is

> > just now coming to terms with the diagnois. You don't have to send out

a

> > card that says My Son is in Special Education - you don't even have to

> tell

> > anyone. That's a personal choice. I'm sorry that your family is not

> being

> > supportive... mine isn't really either and it sucks.

> >

> > Hugs

> >

May 8, 2003