OT - Cleaning tips - (Joke)

[Guest guest]

HERE AT LAST ARE CLEANING TIPS THAT MAKE TOTAL SENSE!!!!!!!

DIRT: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful

filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF

factor of 15 and leave it alone.

COBWEBS: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare

from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your

husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look

confused and exclaim " What? And spoil the mood? " (Or just throw

glitter on them and call them holiday decorations)

PET HAIR: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the

doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing

hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out

cold drafts in winter)

DUSTING: If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy

urn on the coffee table and insist that " This is where Grandma wanted

us to scatter her ashes. "

GENERAL CLEANING: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner

with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly.

Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted

look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, " I clean and I clean and

I still don't get anywhere. " If unexpected company is coming, pile

everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show

your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously,

fake a growl and say, " I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates

to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive. "

KITCHEN: Light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan,

turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a

bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean.

Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected

guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean.

Happy " Cleaning "