Anxiety crisis ... fear of going out ... Miserable ::--(( vent

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

My old anxiety is back. I have trouble going out alone. And that all there is

now. :-(. Just Me. Me, packing to move, selling stuff to move -- I wish,

re-boxing all that I unboxed and bills, bills and more bills because of Bill.

Perhaps, my major depression is back. Of course today was a particularly bad

day.

I have poor memory since the day of Bill death. That I suppose is depression.

I got to take a taxi to the post office to mail my medical insurance. Or else.

Meanwhile, I am still having problem explaining me to my various specialist

doctors. There got to be a better way. I am not sure I can take much more of

this. I am depressed. Bad and good stuff is happening but all at once. I do not

even have time to sit down and cry. Worse than EDS is my insensitivity to

pain. Which is part of EDS I suppose? With my medical insurance canceled that is

freaky. I called Aetna. When they told me they did not know Bill was deceased

that was weird but might be why I got canceled. Computers. So, I am okay here.

I mail in the payment I have since June 4 and all will be okay. Understanding

why I did not mail it is what drives me crazy.

I swear it is or feels like discrimination. I still do not have Bill ashes or

his final clothes and stuff back. I have no death certificate nor his medical

records. I cannot deal with going to the hospital yet.

Perhaps I need a new therapist. I need to call the crisis line or something.

But my medical insurance is canceled. They will reinstate it they said. They

claimed they did not know Bill was dead. They thought he was the employee and I

the spouse. Grrrrr. So, I am going on my own to the post office to overnight

the Bill. I do not know how much worse things can get. Caro

[Guest guest]

" Not that there's anything wrong with that. "

I don't know whether the following will be calming or not, but it's

meant to be soothing:

It's okay to be anxious, and believe it or not, a lot of primary

anxiety goes along with EDS, genetically. There's no reason to be

anxious about being anxious (which is a secondary anxiety, or if you

are as pedantic as I am, " meta-anxiety " or recursive anxiety - anxiety

about anxiety).

I don't have the reference handy, but there's a remarkable finding

from science here, that I may have mentioned before. There's a truly

extraordinarily high correlation (something like .7 or 70% if memory

serves, out of 1, or 100%) between bodily flexibility and anxiety. In

other words, the more flexible you are, the more anxious you are,

genetically. They even traced both traits back to genetic differences

on the same chromosomes. In other words, to over-simplify a

little, most anxiety most of the time in most people is just genetic.

And you know what EDS genetics does to flexibility...

The anxiety that goes along with EDS is like weather - sometimes

there's more of it than other times but it's just there and what of

it? It's certainly nothing we have to get anxious about itself - that

is, it's no reason for secondary or recursive anxiety about the

anxiety and on and on. I generally pay some gentle attention to the

bodily symptoms of tension or anxiety, because this slightly reduces

them, make sure I'm at least breathing fairly deeply, and leave it at

that. Don't feel you absolutely have to do anything about it, or that

it's necessary to remove your anxiety. That may not be possible, and

I'm not even convinced it's necessarily desirable. Don't forget that

anxiety has it's uses too - anxious people are often more contientious

(except about spelling, if I've gotten that word wrong)and more

competent, in my experience. They may also be more creative because

they take much less for granted. Not to mention that extra muscle

tension may be protecting our more fragile bones (although this may

not help the muscles.)

You can't change the weather, so there's no great moral imperative

that you do (my version of a thought of Kant's). It's pretty much the

same with anxiety. No mighty exertion is needed. It's just there. A

bit uncomfortable, but then, it's hardly the only symptom of EDS that

can be a bit uncomfortable but doesn't have to be strictly avoided. If

you'd go out in public with a sprain that other's can notice, you

should do the same with anxiety.

Think of it as a human rights issue. You've every right to be anxious,

and to be anxious in public, just as you've every right to have a

sprained thumb that EDS might help give you. If other people can be

black or Jewish or red-haired in public because that's their lineage,

and they certainly can, why then you can be anxious and anxious in

public, cause that's how God made you. Does it upset other people a

little? Do other people not like being around you as much when you

have a sprained thumb, or when your manner or voice betray some

anxiety or tenseness? Well, isn't that just too bad. As they used to

say in the old hippie days: " *#&$ 'em if they can't take a joke. " - in

this case one of God's little jests. It's your human right to be

exactly who you are. Let them take it up with God, if they want to

pursue the matter, and get out in public whenever you please.

So feel free to get out of the house. If others want to think a little

less of you because your body reactions are a bit different, if it

gives them a little pleasure to feel just a little superior to you

because you're " wound a little tighter " than they are right now, by

all means let them have that pleasure. Needless to say, their

quickness to judgment doesn't actually make them superior. Chances are

they'd find some other reason to feel superior if that one wasn't

there, if that's the way they're inclined, anyway. And lastly, to

quote Doctor Phil's father: " You wouldn't worry about what other

people thought of you if you knew just how seldom they did. "

So get out. If other people want to be embarrassed for you, which

probably means in fact that they're embarrassed you have EDS, since

that's the root of the anxiety reaction, let them waste their energy.

But don't waste your energy being embarrassed. It's your human right

to be as anxious as you damn well please, or your body pleases - in

public or not.

When I was working with actors, who have to deal with stage fright, I

found it very helpful to get them to distinguish between the necessary

physical arousal of anxiety before a performance, and anxiety about

that arousal and a wish to get rid of it. The best performers are

physically anxious before a performance, but they expect that, hope

for some of it actually, for the energy, and they exercise and

carbo-load and they keep their anxiety, if they possibly can, to the

hour of half hour just before a performance - not more, because that

might tire them enough to drag down the performance. Once they are on

stage, they should let the extra arousal be, relax muscles to the

extent that they can, and, as with everything else that happens

onstage when acting - use the tension, whenever possible.

Of course, isolation goes with EDS' infirmities, and isolation makes

social mixing harder when you do get out. People held in isolation

cells for any length of time generally wait a day or more before they

will speak or interact significantly with others as they get used to

the ropes again. Human discourse is a remarkably complex dance. But

again, that kind of social awkwardness, from isolation, may come with

EDS - and you've every right to have it, and to be out and about at

the same time. You have your human rights too.

I've always been most comfortable on stage on those extremely rare

occaisions (likely never to occur again) when I've been very fit (and

therefore in a lot of pain - too much to eat adequately in fact).

There's just nothing you can do to help with stage fright than to be

in frighteningly good shape physically.

But of course, that's a whole lot less possible with EDS. And again,

so what? Be out of shape if you have to. Let other people suffer your

having some nerves. Lord knows, you suffer enough of their

supercilliousness (in modern speak: their 'tude).

Are you going to suffer even more discrimination because you seem

anxious to others at what is to you a " normal " setting - more than you

already get in response your physical quirks and limitations?

Probably, but that's their business, it's not up to you to be the

co-dependent of those who discriminate against you and save them from

any possible discomfort. Instead, get out there and be a maturing

influence on them as they learn that not everybody is exactly like

them. Then, when it's their turn to suffer a little disability, as

will likely happen to them eventually, they'll be a bit better

prepared - you'll have helped them.

Fortunately I am finding lately that I can take a fair bit of very

gentle very bodily-aware exercise - morning walks for me. It's the

strenuous, extreme and awkward moves, however brief that really nail

me. No jolting down stairs or hills, just very gentle, and often slow.

Also, getting out and confronting just how anxious I can be, without

getting excited about it, just experiencing it in good grace, seems to

mean less anxiety for me later on. So bring on the anxiety. It's just

weather.

[Guest guest]

" Not that there's anything wrong with that. "

I don't know whether the following will be calming or not, but it's

meant to be soothing:

It's okay to be anxious, and believe it or not, a lot of primary

anxiety goes along with EDS, genetically. There's no reason to be

anxious about being anxious (which is a secondary anxiety, or if you

are as pedantic as I am, " meta-anxiety " or recursive anxiety - anxiety

about anxiety).

I don't have the reference handy, but there's a remarkable finding

from science here, that I may have mentioned before. There's a truly

extraordinarily high correlation (something like .7 or 70% if memory

serves, out of 1, or 100%) between bodily flexibility and anxiety. In

other words, the more flexible you are, the more anxious you are,

genetically. They even traced both traits back to genetic differences

on the same chromosomes. In other words, to over-simplify a

little, most anxiety most of the time in most people is just genetic.

And you know what EDS genetics does to flexibility...

The anxiety that goes along with EDS is like weather - sometimes

there's more of it than other times but it's just there and what of

it? It's certainly nothing we have to get anxious about itself - that

is, it's no reason for secondary or recursive anxiety about the

anxiety and on and on. I generally pay some gentle attention to the

bodily symptoms of tension or anxiety, because this slightly reduces

them, make sure I'm at least breathing fairly deeply, and leave it at

that. Don't feel you absolutely have to do anything about it, or that

it's necessary to remove your anxiety. That may not be possible, and

I'm not even convinced it's necessarily desirable. Don't forget that

anxiety has it's uses too - anxious people are often more contientious

(except about spelling, if I've gotten that word wrong)and more

competent, in my experience. They may also be more creative because

they take much less for granted. Not to mention that extra muscle

tension may be protecting our more fragile bones (although this may

not help the muscles.)

You can't change the weather, so there's no great moral imperative

that you do (my version of a thought of Kant's). It's pretty much the

same with anxiety. No mighty exertion is needed. It's just there. A

bit uncomfortable, but then, it's hardly the only symptom of EDS that

can be a bit uncomfortable but doesn't have to be strictly avoided. If

you'd go out in public with a sprain that other's can notice, you

should do the same with anxiety.

Think of it as a human rights issue. You've every right to be anxious,

and to be anxious in public, just as you've every right to have a

sprained thumb that EDS might help give you. If other people can be

black or Jewish or red-haired in public because that's their lineage,

and they certainly can, why then you can be anxious and anxious in

public, cause that's how God made you. Does it upset other people a

little? Do other people not like being around you as much when you

have a sprained thumb, or when your manner or voice betray some

anxiety or tenseness? Well, isn't that just too bad. As they used to

say in the old hippie days: " *#&$ 'em if they can't take a joke. " - in

this case one of God's little jests. It's your human right to be

exactly who you are. Let them take it up with God, if they want to

pursue the matter, and get out in public whenever you please.

So feel free to get out of the house. If others want to think a little

less of you because your body reactions are a bit different, if it

gives them a little pleasure to feel just a little superior to you

because you're " wound a little tighter " than they are right now, by

all means let them have that pleasure. Needless to say, their

quickness to judgment doesn't actually make them superior. Chances are

they'd find some other reason to feel superior if that one wasn't

there, if that's the way they're inclined, anyway. And lastly, to

quote Doctor Phil's father: " You wouldn't worry about what other

people thought of you if you knew just how seldom they did. "

So get out. If other people want to be embarrassed for you, which

probably means in fact that they're embarrassed you have EDS, since

that's the root of the anxiety reaction, let them waste their energy.

But don't waste your energy being embarrassed. It's your human right

to be as anxious as you damn well please, or your body pleases - in

public or not.

When I was working with actors, who have to deal with stage fright, I

found it very helpful to get them to distinguish between the necessary

physical arousal of anxiety before a performance, and anxiety about

that arousal and a wish to get rid of it. The best performers are

physically anxious before a performance, but they expect that, hope

for some of it actually, for the energy, and they exercise and

carbo-load and they keep their anxiety, if they possibly can, to the

hour of half hour just before a performance - not more, because that

might tire them enough to drag down the performance. Once they are on

stage, they should let the extra arousal be, relax muscles to the

extent that they can, and, as with everything else that happens

onstage when acting - use the tension, whenever possible.

Of course, isolation goes with EDS' infirmities, and isolation makes

social mixing harder when you do get out. People held in isolation

cells for any length of time generally wait a day or more before they

will speak or interact significantly with others as they get used to

the ropes again. Human discourse is a remarkably complex dance. But

again, that kind of social awkwardness, from isolation, may come with

EDS - and you've every right to have it, and to be out and about at

the same time. You have your human rights too.

I've always been most comfortable on stage on those extremely rare

occaisions (likely never to occur again) when I've been very fit (and

therefore in a lot of pain - too much to eat adequately in fact).

There's just nothing you can do to help with stage fright than to be

in frighteningly good shape physically.

But of course, that's a whole lot less possible with EDS. And again,

so what? Be out of shape if you have to. Let other people suffer your

having some nerves. Lord knows, you suffer enough of their

supercilliousness (in modern speak: their 'tude).

Are you going to suffer even more discrimination because you seem

anxious to others at what is to you a " normal " setting - more than you

already get in response your physical quirks and limitations?

Probably, but that's their business, it's not up to you to be the

co-dependent of those who discriminate against you and save them from

any possible discomfort. Instead, get out there and be a maturing

influence on them as they learn that not everybody is exactly like

them. Then, when it's their turn to suffer a little disability, as

will likely happen to them eventually, they'll be a bit better

prepared - you'll have helped them.

Fortunately I am finding lately that I can take a fair bit of very

gentle very bodily-aware exercise - morning walks for me. It's the

strenuous, extreme and awkward moves, however brief that really nail

me. No jolting down stairs or hills, just very gentle, and often slow.

Also, getting out and confronting just how anxious I can be, without

getting excited about it, just experiencing it in good grace, seems to

mean less anxiety for me later on. So bring on the anxiety. It's just

weather.