countdown to spinal surgery

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

I just wanted to send a quick email because I seem less and less able to be on

the computer for long at a time these days. It's only a few more days until my

2nd cervical fusion (c-2 and below) with bone graft. I have to confess that

yes, I am scared. And I dread it. That is honest. I realize that this surgery

is completely necessary and that I have put it off far too long, but the closer

it gets, the more shaky I feel. It will be my 15th major surgery, if I'm

counting right. I can only recall feeling this way one other time: before my

first spinal surgery in 1999....that true fear of waking up paralyzed or even

not waking up at all in this life. I put myself and my whole life in God's

hands then just like I do and will now, and I did wake up and I wasn't

paralyzed. Never quite the same, but very much alive and able to walk and (at

that time) work and do many of the things I wanted to do. I guess I'm scared

particularly this time because my body has just been through so much

already...and so much more than in 1999. I just really don't know how much it

can reasonably endure and still be any sort of " ok " . I do have more support

from family and friends than I did in 1999, and that is a HUGE plus, as I'll be

pretty much helpless for the first 6 weeks. I am sooooo thankful for that. I

do appreciate all prayers and good thoughts for me on Sept. 9, and in the days

before and after....and for my family, too, and loved ones. I worry more about

them being " ok " than I do myself.

Love,

~LoneStarRose~

(~~)