Really neat airlines - humor

[Guest guest]

Really neat airlines - humor

 

 

Kulula is a low-cost South African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.   Check out their new livery!  And read about their Customer Relations.

WHAT A PITY  KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY  FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN. Kulula  is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg  ..

Kulula  airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight " safety  lecture " and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real  examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight,  (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers  were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant  announced, " People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find  a seat and get in  it! "

                   ---o0o---On another flight with a very " senior " flight  attendant crew, the pilot said, " Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached  cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is  for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight  attendants. "

                   ----o0o---On landing, the stewardess said, " Please be sure to  take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything,  please make sure it's something we'd like to  have. "

                   ----o0o--- " There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there  are only 4 ways out of this  airplane.. "                     ---o0o--- " Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed  giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a  ride. "

                   ---o0o---As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban  Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: " Whoa, big fella  WHOA! "                    ---o0o--

After a particularly rough landing during  thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight  attendant on a flight announced, " Please take care when opening the  overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell  everything has  shifted. "

                   ---o0o---From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271  to Port   . To operate your seat belt, insert  the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like  every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you  probably shouldn't be out in public  unsupervised. "

                   ---o0o--- " In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,  masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,  and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with  you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are  travelling with more than one small child, pick your  favourite. "

                   ---o0o---Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some  broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.  Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than  Kulula  Airlines. "

                   ----o0o--- " Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and  in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and  take them with our  compliments. "                    ---o0o---

" As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your  belongings.Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among  the flightattendants. Please do not leave children or  spouses.. "                    ---o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome message:  " Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best  flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on  this  flight! "

                   ---o0oHeard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in  Cape Town : The  flight attendant came on the intercom and said, " That was quite a bump  and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the  airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight  attendant's fault, it was the  asphalt. "

                   ---o0oOverheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a  particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the  Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the  Flight Attendant said, " Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother  City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while  the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the  gate! "

                   ---o0oAnother flight attendant's comment on a less than  perfect landing: " We ask you to please remain seated as Captain  Kangaroo bounces us to the  terminal. "                    ---o0o

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight  he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had  a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while  the passengers exited, smile, and give them a " Thanks for flying our  airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time  looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a  smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old  lady walking with a cane. She said, " Sir, do you mind if I ask you a  question? " " Why, no Ma'am, " said the pilot. " What is it? " The little  old lady said, " Did we land, or were we shot  down? "

                   ---o0oAfter a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg ,  the attendant came on with, " Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in  your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft  to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has  cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and  you can pick your way through the wreckage to the  terminal.. "

                   ---o0oPart of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:  " We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next  time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a  pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula  Airways. "

                   ---o0oHeard on a Kulula flight. " Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em. "