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Still no NIH call...

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....and I can't let myself believe until I actually have an appointment, no

matter how much I really want to; I've had too many failures medically. Despite

trying to be careful, I find I've invested too much emotionally already; I

hate to think what I'd be like now if my anxiety wasn't controlled...arg...of

course, I keep wondering if maybe I didn't sound desperate enough in e-mails,

should get a cell phone instead of trying to keep my on eline free all the time,

should have done this, should have done that -- and of course, I can't do any

of it. Except keep letting the anxiety make me sick, I can do that, very well

evidently.

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